Posts: 77
From: Philly
Registered: Jan 2011

posted February 10, 2013 02:52 PM            

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I just posted this in the wrong forum. I asked about saturn but what about all these node/ ASC/ DSC/ contacts... house overlays? Neptune is for sure having a good time with me... could this relationship ever work or will I get over it? So hard. I'm the silly person with all the pisces (inside wheel).

Any insight will be greatly appreciated.

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posted February 10, 2013 03:23 PM            

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I am not an expert at reading charts.
However I will just say that you have some very crazy angle connections here !!
Do you have his exact birth time?

Your DSC conjuncts his NN
Your NN opposes his NN
His moon conjuncts your NN
His sun conjuncts your SN
His IC conjuncts your Vertex
and you have some strong saturn aspects!!
wow, you must feel very at ease with him and there are so many nodes aspects and vertex aspects that there's no doubt this would be life changing (read your post on the astro 2. thread nodes of separation)

Are you in a relationship with him or are there some outside forces preventing the two of you from being together?

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posted February 10, 2013 03:38 PM            

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He feels like I have known him forever. My brain goes quiet and I can actually FEEL him. It's the strangest feeling. He doesn't come around me much, when he does he is super nervous. I'm a scientist, he is a really successful musician and we just vibe in some other world... but I was so scared of him that i was very critical... other people got in the way... i can't even find the words to explain the relationship. It doesn't make ANY sense, and I am someone who needs to make sense. Anyhow since meeting him, I found the courage to face my past... I came out of PSTD when I met him, I am a publish poet now and about to finish my PhD. I don't get any of it... The last conversation ended with him asking me "What if you fall in love with someone else, you never know whats going to happen..." We have slept together once and I can feel him through and through... it was after that that he said that. I am so confused. Its been two years... I've seen him maybe 10 times? hahahaha But every time we come together it's like I pull another layer of myself away... or maybe its him... its hard to tell... I don't know anymore. It's just painful because a part of me tells me that he is just super scared...

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posted February 10, 2013 03:44 PM            

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yes i think that is his correct birth time from what he mother has told him...

lol the first time i met him he ran into a wall staring at me... we are ridiculously attracted to each other... he would tell me i was like him mother, always telling people the things they didn't want to see. And I see him... and i've tried telling him over and over again that i am safe... and he just doesn't not believe me... and he just stays away... but how do u not love someone who has done so much for you?

Crazy side note.... my fathers birthchart has a lot of the same planet configurations he has... my dad passed away in a tragic accident when I was a kid... and I recently went back to PR after seeing him again and I saw my uncles for the first time since I was a kid... and he is just like them... looks, demeanor, mannerisms.... it freaked me out.

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posted February 10, 2013 03:45 PM            

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i feel crazy and just wish to get rid of it... but on the other hand my life is so much more amazing now and I don't know how to reconcile the pain of not being close to him with the happiness of having found myself... :/ boy, what a mess....

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posted February 10, 2013 04:05 PM            

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wow, what a story!
You have so many angles, nodes and vertex tight aspects between each other, that it perfectly makes sense for both of you to share such an haunting chemistry.

But, do you want to get over him and move on to something else?

You have many nice aspects that support a rewarding relationship.

You have a sun conjunct descendant double whammy
his sun trines your moon, venus, mars
sun saturn double whammy, venus trine saturn and moon opposite saturn, can be good when it comes to stabilizing a relationship (but sometime, saturn aspects can make it hard to get it off the ground)
his mars trine your pluto definitely adds a lot of sexual intensity and tension.

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posted February 10, 2013 04:14 PM            

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It's hard to love someone that DOES NOT understand and always asks you why you love him.

He says he is just being cautious. He is insecure about the fact that I'm getting a PhD in biophysics. He is not educated. He super smart and successful. He has children, I don't. He was in a super long relationship with the woman of his children and she cheated. I cannot make someone love themselves. I did give him 100% of my trust because I wanted him to feel what it felt like to be trusted, he thought I was manipulating him. I don't want to walk away... but what choice do I have? And did I mention he lives across the country? hahahaha my career is headed in his direction so I'm not scared of it because I know I'm ending up in his city, but he says that I might end up in a relationship with someone else bc of the distance... and that is him... he needs a lot of affection. I know what his issues are and feel that I am CRAZY for wanting to take on so much with him, but I rather take him with all that he comes with than meet someone new. My hands are tied. It would be less painful if he was okay being my friend. Most of my friendships have a lot of nn and sn ties and I am ok. I just like knowing he is ok and happy, but he will not try and if I suggest it, he starts stuttering and getting mad at me. But then he won't answer my calls or texts and disappears. Then I see him and he falls apart in my arms... I don't know what to do... but it is not fair to me but on the other hand I know he doesn't know what love feels like, he thinks he has to do things for people to have them love him... and I just want him to see that he doesn't have to do that... that he is enough as is. Whoah... that was cathartic. So as I said I am lost and stuck. Every one of my relationships have never had me involved on an emotional level, it was very routine like... almost like dating a friend. this feels very different and quiet frankly I feel like I jumped into some abyss and lost my damn mind.

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posted February 10, 2013 04:25 PM            

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People always say to go with peoples actions... but I have never done that...I have always relied on my intuition... and now I feel like I am way too clouded to navigate any of it... he is in and out of relationships all the time... and he stays away from me when he is... he has respect for me... but I just deeply feel that there is something else there and I don't know if its neptune having a good old time making me see crap that isn't there...

I bought a scorpion and named it after his alter ego... lol... we have both have alter egos we like to play with... and it had 7 babies on his birthday... hahahhahaa and then she ate them after he got mad at me again.... I was atheist before I met him and now I see the world as a much more spiritual place... not sure if thats the north node 1st house thing... i can navigate the world much easier now and I am super successful in my career now and have a blossoming creative career. just started acting again and like i said started writing again... about him...trying to get it all out and now im published in an international literary magazine... its all super amazing... and sooooo painful.... i think i said that already.

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posted February 10, 2013 04:38 PM            

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Oh I understand. His issues make things complicated... As I was readig what you wrote it really reminded me of how saturn aspect neptune play out in synastry. Then I checked and you do have a saturn quincunx neptune with you being the neptune and him saturn (check this if you want more information http://www.throughnightsfire.com/saturnneptuneconnections.html )

It's a rather complicated situation because you both are very attracted to each other and yet one is running away, because of false ideas, past issues etc..
At least you're aware of what it entails and you understand him perfectly. Now it's really up to you to decide what would hurt you the most ? Be without him ? or be with him and having to bear all of this?
You said you liked when things made sense and I think that's here that your rational mind will help you (you're an aqua sun, cap mercury after all ) You have to not let yourself be too blinded by love so that you don't compromise yourself for it. Choose according to what is easier for you to do, handling the pain of being away from him or the issues that come up when you two are together.

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posted February 10, 2013 04:38 PM            

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maybe its just my hurt ego? i don't f-ing know.

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posted February 10, 2013 04:43 PM            

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the issues are when he is away! not when we are together, that is the hilarious part. i feel like i am in for a world of headache with him... but at the same time... he put up with me saying all kinds of things to keep him away... and my life is so much better now. I am more balanced. funny story... he would call me and i won't answer my phone... so he kept calling... so i texted him and told him to stop calling me because i was starting to laugh at his dumb jokes, and his jokes weren't that funny...so that meant i was liking him and i didn't know how to like someone... i loved men never liked them and that i didn't know what evil God was putting on me in liking him... and he continued to blow my phone up... so i gave in... and i learned a ton. I want to help him do the same... but it is eating away at me and he won't talk to me. I am totally stone walled. And life keeps bringing me the girls he is involved with... hahahahahha and i have to listen to them talk about him... and i just don't get it. he likes to be hurt.

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posted February 10, 2013 04:45 PM            

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my grammar is horrendous, when i get super emotional I can't compensate for my dyslexia. sorry about that. I will read the link you sent. Any help navigating this is so appreciated.

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posted February 10, 2013 04:49 PM            

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well if he's having other relationships on the side, even if he's not with you (that's what I understood when you said "he is in and out of relationships all the time... and he stays away from me when he is") then you have every right to be hurt!!

I usually also like to go with my intuition. Not that I won't over think a situation a billion times before making up my mind on it but if you feel something is wrong, or something is right (though it's much harder trusting one's gut feeling when it's right), then you're most likely right.

If you feel like he makes you go through a lot of emotional turmoils because of what he does (and not because of your own feelings) then take a break from him. Take a step back to think about the whole thing. Avoid contact with him if you can. And if he's wondering why you're acting lie this then have a good conversation with him about your doubts, about what he wants out of the two of you.
You said you wanted commitment and security. I perfectly understand this. You have every right to. However as someone who's always in and out of relationships, he doesn't seem to be very concerned about commitment.

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posted February 10, 2013 04:53 PM            

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I am clearly behind with your answers

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posted February 10, 2013 04:55 PM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by scropiojunkie85:

I bought a scorpion and named it after his alter ego... lol... we have both have alter egos we like to play with... and it had 7 babies on his birthday... hahahhahaa and then she ate them after he got mad at me again....

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hows ya luck eh?

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posted February 10, 2013 04:55 PM            

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Wow... just read the article... i think i have said many of those things to him... not really understanding what I was saying to him... **** just comes out of my mouth and when I think about it, I feel that I sound looney and become embarrassed with my feelings.

I oscillate between feeling that I am completely delusion and then having experienced all these feelings and seeing the outcome of my life... having a hard time not believing my feelings.

I remember telling him that I wish I was just obsessed because there is medication for that **** . LOL... This does not look in anyway fun for me... but I know that, for me it is, he is well worth the fight... and he keeps coming back... even if it's just to test waters. last time I saw him that mars trine pluto aspect was very very nice to have... hahahaha

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posted February 10, 2013 04:59 PM            

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lol i told him i got rid of the scorpion... he stopped talking to me again... and im the only person who can pick the beast up without stinging... so i dont know how to interpret that either...

and about the girl stuff... thats not where my hurt comes from... in some weird way i see it as part of his hurt and inability to trust. What bothers me is the idea that he feels that he can't be loved... He chooses women who use him, it's safer that way for him. That's why I am hurt. It all sucks. I am telling you before I meet anyone knew I want their birth data! This angle crap is for the birds. I am good on transformations, I have had enough for now. Sheesh.

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posted February 10, 2013 05:02 PM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by scropiojunkie85:
lol i told him i got rid of the scorpion... he stopped talking to me again... and im the only person who can pick the beast up without stinging... so i dont know how to interpret that either... I am telling you before I meet anyone knew I want their birth data! This angle crap is for the birds. I am good on transformations, I have had enough for now. Sheesh.

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the double whammy with sun and saturn, is, like i say, a bit of a buzzkill

Synastry: Sun - Saturn Aspects Between Two Charts

When the Sun in one chart forms an aspect to another person's Saturn

Sun conjunct Saturn in synastry:

One strong factor that attracted you to each other (perhaps unconsciously) is the feeling that you can have a deep, stable, permanent relationship and settle down together, facing life's responsibilities in a mature way, tackling challenges together such as raising children, becoming financially secure, etc. These concerns can gradually cause your relationship to become too absorbed with "serious" matters, causing both of you to feel limited and stifled by the relationship. Saturn has a strong tendency to criticize and judge Sun's actions, sometimes accurately and sometimes unjustly. Saturn should guard against this tendency to dampen Sun's enthusiasm, and Sun needs to avoid being overly sensitive to Saturn's suggestions and criticisms. Saturn's tendency to dominate, control, or even repress Sun makes Sun feel resentful at times, and Sun may feel lowered vitality and self-confidence after being with Saturn for a long time. You must make room for lightness and play, or you both will feel burdened by the tone that is set between you. Remember that there is a solid sense of being able to depend on one another, and this is a precious gift. Saturn may not be aware of the limiting effect Saturn has on Sun, and Sun would do well to understand that Saturn has this influence due to insecurities. There can be some haughty and judgmental exchanges between the two of you at times, and it is wise to step back and examine exactly why this happens! Saturn can easily feel threatened by Sun's expressions of growth and individuality, because Saturn feels much more safe when Sun stays the same! Growth on Sun's part does not mean growing apart from Saturn, and Saturn would do well to understand this.

Sun opposition Saturn in synastry:

In the early stages of your relationship Sun is likely to feel attracted to the mature, steady, disciplined, and responsible qualities of Saturn, but over time these same qualities can begin to feel restrictive, limiting, even oppressive. Saturn can fall into the role of being the parent, teacher, or taskmaster of Sun, causing Sun to feel inhibited and confined by Saturn's seriousness and inflexibility. If Sun can benefit from the responsible and concerned attitude of Saturn and Saturn can refrain from taking problems or concerns too seriously, then the positive sense of maturity, responsibility, and stability of the relationship can overcome the negative tendencies.

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posted February 10, 2013 05:06 PM            

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I just wish I knew how to deal with it... and I thought sharing all of this I could get some feedback from people who have gone through the same. No one gets it when I try to verbalize any of it... The only person who sees it is my best friend and only because she knows me so well that she sees the impact he has had on me. I don't show my feelings often and I turn everything into a joke... I like to make people laugh... but she told me the other day that she thought this was some weird delusional thing I was going through... but the more times that goes by the harder it is for her to believe that... she said that I have changed so much, but its not that I am different but that I am a new improved version of myself who can be more objective... which is crazy because I'm absorbed in these feelings. But it took her to become involved in a relationship that is as heavy as mine for her to see it... She called me the night she met her current boyfriend ( who i introduced her to) and she said that she gets it... they've been together ever since.

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posted February 10, 2013 05:07 PM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by scropiojunkie85:
What bothers me is the idea that he feels that he can't be loved... He chooses women who use him, it's safer that way for him. That's why I am hurt.

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As painful as this is for you to see him making the wrong choices, you really can't work his issues out for him. All you can do is try to enlighten him on his bad habit and his insecurities, but he's the one who has to solve them and face them.

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posted February 10, 2013 05:11 PM            

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Are there ways around the saturn crap? Maybe a way of diffusing the critical energy? I was soooo critical of him and just didn't understand how sensitive he was... I am in academics, I am criticized all day long. It's much easier for me, because I can think through it. I try to get to the heart of what is being said. People don't just say things, some of it are projections and some of it is true. I like to look in the mirror, even if it is hard. I can improve myself that way. But I just didn't realize how harsh I was, and I recently apologized and told him wrong I was for doing all of that. He is very gentle and I'm reckless. When I see where his hurt is coming from I acknowledge his feelings.. he chokes on his... he's a scorpio and his moon is opposite his sun. I know it's hard for him.

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posted February 10, 2013 05:13 PM            

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I know this! So why do I keep convincing myself that I should just sit there for him to see that i love him anyway... lol 1) it looks desperate 2) so not attractive 3) stupid. and yet here i am... smh... lost and stuck.

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posted February 10, 2013 05:16 PM            

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And yes, i have decided that I am going to just leave it alone all together, at least for the time being. I'm just going to have to swallow all these feelings and fight the urge to want to be close to him. I was reading some Gestalt theory about I-It vs I-thou relationships... this must be the ultimate i-thou relationship ever.

its like Bella trying to convince Edward that he had a soul but she clearly knew he was a vampire... breaking bones to have his baby... i'm retarded bella right now...

I need jesus, buddah and some valium.

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posted February 10, 2013 05:23 PM            

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Because you love him and that's what people do when they truly love someone. I would be much easier fr everyone if one could just turn his feelings off once we know this person's imperfections.

The point is you're not one of those girls that hurt him or use him. Does he see that? If everything is really great when you're together and issues arise when he's away then I don't clearly understand why you two aren't together in a stable relationship.

Now if he fails to see that unlike those girls you genuinely care about him, it's his loss really. There's so much one can do, you can wait on him to finally realize that you're different, but simply facing the issue with him would do much better to you. Ask him why he goes to those other girls when you're there, and you care? Even if it is not an easy subject, at least you'll be clear.

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posted February 10, 2013 05:34 PM            

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That's what I am trying to say. I did hurt him. I hurt his ego and his feelings because I threw all of his issues in his face and I wasn't gentle about it. One of the first things i ever said to him was "I don't do drugs for a reason, I don't want anything in my life I'm going to need to be happy and that isn't good for me... if you want to be my friend stop calling me in the middle of the night telling me your problems, if you like me, take me on a date and if you have other intentions, loose my number...you are 10yrs older than i am, have children you should know what you want by now." I was terrified because I always knew I was going to fall hard. I felt it. Energy is crazy, everyone feels it.

He was making the effort at first and he hung in there for me and then he said I was verbally abusive and couldn't take it anymore. That struck another cycle of transformation in me. I am super careful about how I speak to others now. You can't take what you say back. I hurt him deeply because he tried to trust me. And like I said other people got involved. People who wanted to work with him, who were friends of mine, became scared that I would uncover too much of their lives and they took things i said about him and twisted them so badly that he felt betrayed. This relationship has rocked the mess out of many lives. He does not know what to make of me... and is so scared... and I keep turning into a better and better person with each new obstacle but he is not ready to see and maybe he will never be.

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