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Author
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Topic: Are we totally incompatible?
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gemini79
Newflake Posts: 20
From: Los Angeles, CA, United States
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted April 15, 2013 04:42 PM
  
My boyfriend and I have been together a year and we argue constantly… sometimes daily. From the start, he has always been extremely private and let me know right away that he HATES questions (I can’t even casually ask his what he had for lunch without his acting annoyed and evasive – it’s that bad). Unfortunately, I have always had jealousy issues – which I am working on. Although it’s no excuse, his behavior doesn’t exactly help me feel secure in the relationship. He hides everything and believes that a person should just blindly trust their partner and never ever ask questions about anything. He is also extremely arrogant and condescending, and I feel as though everything I say is wrong because he corrects me in an unkind way (and often he’s wrong when he corrects me). His ex of 13 years cheated on him and that’s how their relationship ended. He says they got along really well and never argued...
His Mars in Sagittarius placement is very evident in our relationship, unfortunately for me because I feel very much like a Taurus (Venus, Mars, and Midheaven in Taurus). He is very freedom-loving and independent (even though he says he needs a committed relationship), loves to go to bars and clubs (even though he is in his forties), and our sexual approach is very different. I realize that technically Capricorn is on the descendant, but I really feel like his approach to relationships is very “Aquarian” which is also in the 7th house, and I have never gotten along with Aquarians. He often compares me to his ex by saying that his ex was very “easygoing” and that I am too “strong-willed” for him. What I want to know is are we just totally incompatible? Is there some aspect between us that causes the constant arguing and inability to see eye-to-eye? Is it him? Is it me? Composite Chart
 Synastry Chart
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starmoon
Knowflake Posts: 522
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted April 15, 2013 08:23 PM
i can see why you guys were initially attracted; you each have your moon falling into the others partner's 1st house, and you have your ASC in virgo, which is his moon and mercury sign. you also have a shared sign in leo - his sun/asc and your moon, so you guys might have felt that you had a lot in common when you got together and that you saw things from a similar perspective. he has his venus in cancer in the 12th - cancer venus is typically a very clingy/caring/nurturing venus and wants a partner that likes to be at home and take care of them - if he's not displaying these traits towards you (ar at all), it might be because of the 12th house placement, and the fact he isn't as 'in touch' with that planet and its energies and someone else with the same placement might be. the 12th house is a difficult one to have in synastry, and he also has his sun falling into your 12th, so he may be reacting to you on a personal level in ways you don't appreciate. you also have your sun opposite his mars - which is attraction at first, but leads to petty arguments and disagreements as the relationship progresses. perhaps others will see other things, but imo the arguing stems from his leo placements against your leo moon - leos are lions, right? so imagine you have two lions fighting ... one will always have to 'win' and you cannot have two lions running the relationship. someone will always have to back down, give in, etc. with these placements. although they can be complimentary - your moon/his sun - there is a lot of ego going on here and likely many challenges. and your own placements do indicate you're a smart woman with a mind of her own, not a bad thing. and also, he just sounds like a jerk :-) a guy shouldn't be comparing you to his ex is an unfavorable way if he loves you, and he shouldn't be making you feel like less during a fight - it sounds like (just in general and astrology aside) that he isn't very nice towards you. lots of guys claim to want independence and a 'free' lifestyle and etc., but they no longer want that lifestyle or say they want to be free when they find a woman they truly love ... just saying ...IP: Logged |
gemini79
Newflake Posts: 20
From: Los Angeles, CA, United States
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted April 16, 2013 03:21 PM
quote:
Originally posted by starmoon:
i can see why you guys were initially attracted; you each have your moon falling into the others partner's 1st house, and you have your ASC in virgo, which is his moon and mercury sign. you also have a shared sign in leo - his sun/asc and your moon, so you guys might have felt that you had a lot in common when you got together and that you saw things from a similar perspective. he has his venus in cancer in the 12th - cancer venus is typically a very clingy/caring/nurturing venus and wants a partner that likes to be at home and take care of them - if he's not displaying these traits towards you (ar at all), it might be because of the 12th house placement, and the fact he isn't as 'in touch' with that planet and its energies and someone else with the same placement might be. the 12th house is a difficult one to have in synastry, and he also has his sun falling into your 12th, so he may be reacting to you on a personal level in ways you don't appreciate. you also have your sun opposite his mars - which is attraction at first, but leads to petty arguments and disagreements as the relationship progresses. perhaps others will see other things, but imo the arguing stems from his leo placements against your leo moon - leos are lions, right? so imagine you have two lions fighting ... one will always have to 'win' and you cannot have two lions running the relationship. someone will always have to back down, give in, etc. with these placements. although they can be complimentary - your moon/his sun - there is a lot of ego going on here and likely many challenges. and your own placements do indicate you're a smart woman with a mind of her own, not a bad thing. and also, he just sounds like a jerk :-) a guy shouldn't be comparing you to his ex is an unfavorable way if he loves you, and he shouldn't be making you feel like less during a fight - it sounds like (just in general and astrology aside) that he isn't very nice towards you. lots of guys claim to want independence and a 'free' lifestyle and etc., but they no longer want that lifestyle or say they want to be free when they find a woman they truly love ... just saying ...
In the beginning, he was very attentive - to the point where it was overwhelming. He would call or text every 10 minutes - literally. Now, I ask him why he doesn't text hardly at all during the day when we're away from each other and he says he's too busy. He's still clingy and somewhat nurturing at times, but not as often as he is cold, critical, and condescending. He claims my jealousy ruined our relationship, while I think it's his extreme secrecy and the little lies that occurred in the beginning of our relationship. I liked your analogy about two lions fighting - that makes sense. I also think that the "lion" in him and the "bull" in me clash. I guess we both want to have our way. Most days, I just feel like this relationship is doomed... Like you said, if he loved me, he wouldn't make me feel bad about myself all the time. IP: Logged |
gemini79
Newflake Posts: 20
From: Los Angeles, CA, United States
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted April 17, 2013 03:50 PM
Many thanks to starmoon for providing valuable insight.  Is anyone familiar with the influence of the descendant on relationships, or other aspects between planets in our charts that cause tension? Am I missing something? Also, perhaps there just aren't enough aspects suggesting compatibility between us and that's why we argue. Any input is greatly appreciated. IP: Logged |
IndigoDirae
Knowflake Posts: 666
From: Venice, California, US
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted April 17, 2013 07:11 PM
Gemini, beyond astrology here, can I ask if he's ever been psychologically evaluated? What you're seeing there is hardly astrology. It's a classic abuse pattern. Take it from someone who lived that life for 4 years. -A. IP: Logged |
Sandra018
Knowflake Posts: 44
From: Brooklyn,NY
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted April 17, 2013 07:42 PM
I have to agree..astrology aside, this seems like you are hurt more then you are happy!! and that's not a good ratio...besides you are 10 years younger, he should be honored a young woman your age is even noticing him ( to be honest)
I have dated a guy his age, and I am close to your age, and it was hard...when they get into late 30's and 40's men are set in their ways and if they haven't married/coupled with someone they most likely never will...
I didn't mean to be a Debbie Downer, just want to save you some heartache
sending good vibes your way IP: Logged |
IndigoDirae
Knowflake Posts: 666
From: Venice, California, US
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted April 17, 2013 07:47 PM
Sing it, Sandra!We are the Sisterhood of Travelling Planets. Listen to us. We only mean to look out for our fellow chicas on this big blue ball. Plus, L.A. Man. Hard not to lose your soul in this place .... So, chin up. IP: Logged |
gemini79
Newflake Posts: 20
From: Los Angeles, CA, United States
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted April 17, 2013 09:20 PM
As much as I hate to admit it, both of you are right. I was really beginning to think that I was the one with issues who didn’t know how to be in a relationship. I do everything I can to make him happy, and it is never enough. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even talk about myself - or talk at all - because he either doesn’t listen or makes rude comments.He is definitely set in his ways and very stubborn. He doesn't care that his behavior hurts me and doesn't want to hear about it. It's a very sad situation to be in... Thank you for the support and kindness. IP: Logged |
IndigoDirae
Knowflake Posts: 666
From: Venice, California, US
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted April 17, 2013 11:18 PM
quote:
Originally posted by gemini79:
As much as I hate to admit it, both of you are right. I was really beginning to think that I was the one with issues who didn’t know how to be in a relationship. I do everything I can to make him happy, and it is never enough. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even talk about myself - or talk at all - because he either doesn’t listen or makes rude comments.He is definitely set in his ways and very stubborn. He doesn't care that his behavior hurts me and doesn't want to hear about it. It's a very sad situation to be in... Thank you for the support and kindness.
It is. It downright sucks. I've been in that hole, and you don't dig yourself out until you know it, and you're ready. But, hey, if your location is valid and up-to-date, I wonder where you are in the city of angels with dirty faces. Something tells me you need an astro / relationship woes venting session in real-time. Always helps when someone's got similar battle scars. -A. IP: Logged |
RunAroundScreaming
Moderator Posts: 6640
From:
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted April 18, 2013 02:07 PM
Horrible. This is horrible. His mars and venus conjunct your saturn (ur cold towards him and fail to understand his needs, but u are there for him in practical matters he feels u are cold) Your moon and mercury conjunct his saturn (he gets annoyed by the things u say and and shuts u up quickly when you talk, he also is very unsympathetic towards your needs) Your sun square his uranus. (Sun is leo its warm and kind and needs attention, uranus is aqua, in affliction it means he treats u very coldly, makes u feel like roadkill doesnt pay attention to your needs and makes u feel like he doesnt care about u at all---just got out of a relationship with this aspect and his saturn opposite my venus) His sun and mercury opposite your mars and square your mercury. This all means u both treat each other badly. But because his uranus is square your sun and the sun is the most important in a synastry, he treats you worse. He makes u feel like roadkill constantly and u feel he's uncommitted.On top, the composite shows the sun afflicted by the two outer planets. As well as mercury opp uranus and moon semisquare saturn. And moon and mercury afflicted by mars. Wow it doesnt get much worse. I dont think ive ever seen a more horrible compatbility. You must be in hell. It doesnt get any worse than a terrible composite AND synastry. Please find yourself someone better now A semisextil love stellium and composite venus trine pluto with venus square pluto in synastry show the attraction. But a semisextile love stellium is so weak and venus trine pluto though very very nice wont save the day here......no reason to stay, its just horrible overall. The negative aspects far outweigh the positive aspects between you.
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gemini79
Newflake Posts: 20
From: Los Angeles, CA, United States
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted April 18, 2013 09:01 PM
You ladies have been really nice and supportive. I appreciate it! Indigo - I actually live in the Hollywood area - not too far from Venice. Is there a way I can give you my email address without posting it here? RunAroundScreaming - I forgot to mention that my chart is on the outside of the synastry chart. So, it's my Venus and Mars conjunct his Saturn... Yes, he is cold towards me and fails to understand my needs - doesn't care about my needs at all. When I politely express a need/desire, he gives me a look as if to say "So??? Who cares?" I also thought that our synastry and composite charts lacked compatibility aspects, but as everyone mentioned, I think our incompatibility goes much deeper than astrology.  IP: Logged |
RunAroundScreaming
Moderator Posts: 6640
From:
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted April 18, 2013 09:19 PM
Yeah i seemed to have mixed it up there a few times----whose planet was whose.So your uranus is square HIS sun? Well, i must say, you must equally affect each other then. He must feel like you're very cold and critical/detached towards him as well IP: Logged |
happyaskings
Knowflake Posts: 249
From:
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted April 18, 2013 09:32 PM
I agree with Indigo, he sounds emotionally abusive.IP: Logged |
gemini79
Newflake Posts: 20
From: Los Angeles, CA, United States
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted April 18, 2013 09:47 PM
I could be wrong, but people tell me I'm very warm. He has told me that many times, too. If I ever come across as being cold or detached toward him, it's because I can't take the criticism and detachment from him any longer. Actually, I think I am overly-accommodating, if anything. He was much more expressive in the beginning than I was, for sure. I was more calm and rational - probably because I felt overwhelmed by all of the attention.IP: Logged |
IndigoDirae
Knowflake Posts: 666
From: Venice, California, US
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted April 24, 2013 02:58 AM
Gemini79: I'm not sure, actually. We usually do the 'post and erase' move before the spider bots get it. Why not find a time when we're both on and I'll post mine? IP: Logged |
IndigoDirae
Knowflake Posts: 666
From: Venice, California, US
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted April 24, 2013 03:06 AM
quote:
Originally posted by happyaskings:
I agree with Indigo, he sounds emotionally abusive.
Yeah. I lived in a similar hell for 4 years. You'd think having a psych degree and KNOWING the signs would've kept me from it. Astonishing what we do when we have karmic debts to balance. Emotional abuse is NOT worth it. The toll it takes ... the stress, the suffering, the lack of any confidence, or means to gain emotional support - to have any needs met - it IS hell. Nobody is deserving of that. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Unless you've been there, it's very hard to truly grasp. Hugs and warm fuzzies and chocolates and tissues. <3 IP: Logged | |
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