posted July 29, 2013 02:04 AM            

I feel like I don't REALLY know myself. Home doesn't really feel like home to me.
I'm restrained by shackles of an unseen negative force and I can't get away.

I'm spiritually, mentally and emotionally lost. I don't know what to believe in anymore. There's no one to anchor me.. no one to land me an understanding hand..
What's right ? what is wrong ? Honestly, I no longer know.

I'm truly starting to hate my life. Every dream, every wish seems so far away and I can't reach it.

I wish if someone could help me reach some clarity and give me some hope.

posted July 29, 2013 04:39 AM            

if u can wait a few hours i'll do a reading for you, but for now try not thinking about it...i know about that voice in the head and not being able to shut it, when we are mentally, emotionally and physically drained...but despite what u r going through...it does get better with time.

posted July 29, 2013 05:43 AM            

the cards of
Virtue,trust, and traveling(could be traveling to a new beginning.)

And then the 8 of spades, which is the card that says obstacles will be over come

so trust in that.

i don't know, the cards say you are a good person kind of feeling shocked that all they told you about how good things come to good people has turned out to be a lie, and now u don't know where you are heading.

The ten of clubs when with the 8 of spades shows that fortune will unexpectedly change to the better without you even knowing how.(remember cartomancy says what will happen, not what is happening)

There could also be someone from your past returning into your life (maybe from school or an old work place). A journey of some sort to the better (either physical or internal is implied)

Away from all this, i think you said it in your post why you are feeling so low.

You had dreams and expectations, and believe this is coming from an ambitious person, but don't dream, or 'plan for the future', and you will be happier, and then get what you want.

I'm kind of becoming a broken record, but that 'power of now' theory really works, just observe the voice in your head, and know it isn't you. notice how it makes you feel, but also know the feeling isn't you. once you create that distance you will tap into the 'universal' mind, and control your thoughts, rather than let the mind control you, and suddenly 'colour and sound' will come back into your life.

This is why we see a lot of people who we think 'geez how come someone like that has all that good when they don't give anything back'...it's bcoz they know this thing, and that is how they manage to control their lives better than us.

Nevermind the background music, but this could be so helpful for you, he kind of speaks to people in your situation, who want out, but can't have it, and so how to live with it and be okay again.
"Eckhart Tolle-Surrender to what is"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6nAj7VJavU