posted August 09, 2013 04:13 PM            

My Q is this: what did he feel upon seeing that picture of me (yes he saw it)?

Could trade this for a 5card wheel (rider is the only deck i've got access to at this mo)

posted August 09, 2013 04:28 PM            

He probably was totally overwhelmed and overcome with sexual feelings that made him toss and turn at night, haunted by your image, that may seem to him as the embodiment of feminity.

Donīt laugh, that was exactly how the cards connected a story to me.

Maybe he finds you so attractive, especially sexually, that he feels pretty anxious about it. Like it was so unexpectedly strong, that he doesn`t really know what to do about it now, or how to react appropriately, or if he can even "keep up" with you.

posted August 10, 2013 02:58 AM            

This is credible [incredibly credible], which is all I can vouchsafe for, cheers for making time for this

I'm quite perplexed how physical desire can be there for so long, he hasn't clapped eyes on me in person for more than 3 years.... But yet lenormand keep giving me lilies when i ask how he feels about me. Mentally mental...

posted August 10, 2013 03:38 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by andstuff:
Thanks Ceri xx

This is credible [incredibly credible], which is all I can vouchsafe for, cheers for making time for this

I'm quite perplexed how physical desire can be there for so long, he hasn't clapped eyes on me in person for more than 3 years.... But yet lenormand keep giving me lilies when i ask how he feels about me. Mentally mental...

Can I return the favour? x

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What do Lilies mean?
I like the flower a lot, but what is the meaning in Lenormand?
Making someone crazy? In which way?

posted August 10, 2013 04:50 PM            

present: page of swords
past obstacles: hermit
hidden influences: 2 cups
future influences: 2 wands
synthesis: 2 swords

So yes he has noticed. He might have started to imagine you as his girlfriend, just theoretically, trying on for size the possibility of it. I'm feeling like it all depends on you now, whether you want him to be part of your life. According to Golden Dawn studies, three 2s mean reorganization, so tables keep turning, all sorts of factors are juggled, so far it feels passive aggressive, he's not determined to make a move (maybe waiting for the green light or maybe still studying you from different angles), but you did capture his attention.

These 2 cards for isolation (2 wands and hermit) kind of leave me perplexed. I get the impression that you (as well as possibly him) are not quite disposed to let another person in your life. It used to be because you were too busy engaging in spiritual search, now it's more like you're floating above the world in a sense, not quite there, not quite flesh and blood, you have that world/space you will not descend back onto earth from. Dunno. Depends if he's willing to climb up there.

As for his attitude, just a lil quote from Book T, acc. to which 2 cups stands for "Harmony of masculine and feminine united", he basically feels you fit in with his needs of all sorts. Am I right assuming there was some understanding between you before as is, irrespective of your looks? The hermit still points to the fact there used to be a certain coldness/disconnection as well, most prob as far as the physical aspect of attraction goes.

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posted August 11, 2013 06:12 AM            

Your reading was telling much more than I expected, and yes it resonates.

Maybe I am sounding majorly naive, but he is a performer. So of course there is this distance, there has to be.

Just he likes connecting to people so much, he rarely stays on his pedestal or even on stage.
He managed to establish these semiprofessional/semiprivate concerts/ jam sessions, which he very much makes his playground.

Now why would he pay attention to me, right?
Well we had a chat once, but from that point on it was pretty much me who was trying to keep the distance. BECAUSE he is a performer, and this is just silly for a woman my age - my mind sais.

And I feel a little embarassed, how strongly I instinctually react to him (though I am not really letting it shows. lol).

From his side, well, he is a performer, as I said.
He still manages to throw me off balance now and then. I don`t think he remembers our chat, or recognizes me in any way, but he did manage to push or pull me into some sort of communicating situation in a show, because if the performer of the evenings comes down of stage, marches straight towards you, kneels down beside you, pushing a microphone into your direction and starts talking and questioning you, you can`t really stay silent without being endlessly rude, right?

There have been other occasions, with a lot of glancing and staring, and then again, not so obvious ones, (and why does he always have to pop up in my immediate physical proximity?) and I guess these would have been good opportunities to pull my head out of the sand.
Even if it is just part of the show, why not play along?

But for very personal reasons I wasn`t able to do that, and must have come across as the most defensive b*tch walking the earth.

Still I reflected on this, my behaviour, why I can`t react normally to him (I apparently *CAN* talk normally with some of the other members of his band, as it turned out. lol).

From his side though, well, my head clearly tells me, why would he notice me? He is the one on stage, being used to be the centre of attention. Why would he pay attention to me?

Anyway, since I have this very complicated inner instinctual response to him, it would be nice to know that I am not TOTALLY deluding myself, and that, even though it is still just a professional-performer-audience-thing, that there`s just a ltitle bit real spark to it.

But bottom line is, this weird thing got me thinking about myself real hard, and also thinking bout how I have been trying to hide away behind my overweight, taking myself out of the game so to speak, and I was surprised to find out two things: 1. it didn`t work with him, he still saw me

2. I regretted being that way, and wanted to get rid of all these defenses, which actually were keeping me from living the life I really want to live, to express myself as the person that apparently still is inside of me, and just take the risk to take off my invisibility cloak now and then.

Well, I think that is process of transformation I am currently going through (though should have done that so much sooner), and I am actually surprised how easy it is to shed weight. Well not easy, but I would have thought it would be harder; instead I feel lighter everyday (and not only in terms of weight);

In a way meeting him put this in motion, like a wake-up-call or something like that, I gues.

Yes I admit, it sounds stupid.

posted August 11, 2013 02:24 PM            

i've got a friend who's over 40 and his normal account of a new affair is "he's 23 and i didn't start it", so these things have nothing to do with age

somehow i felt like there's not much momentum at this moment, almost feels like maybe let it go and don't over-analyse.