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Author Topic:   Is anyone willing to help me?
confused_libra
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posted August 17, 2013 09:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for confused_libra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have a situation with an aquarius man that I really need help with. I would really appreciate anyone who is willing to listen and offer an objective perspective. I won't post it unless someone here is going to offer me help? Please let me know if you are willing, I would truly appreciate it! Thank you

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RunAroundScreaming
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posted August 18, 2013 02:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for RunAroundScreaming     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'll listen

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True to my aqua north node, I'll always pick the choice nobody expected me to pick. ebay compatibility readings | testimonials | Past readings | Ideal compatibility (3rd post) | Q&A | What's a Love stellium? | Most important aspects descriptions | Aspects to avoid | Guide to Chinese Zodiac Appearance | The Order in Astrology

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confused_libra
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posted August 18, 2013 10:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for confused_libra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Aw thank you so much ! Here it goes...

BACKSTORY: i have known this aqua man since 8th grade and we were good friends until he wanted to date me and i rejected him in an immature way. he refused to speak to me for 3 years and finally came around in college... we then started dating awhile after becoming friends again, the dating was long distance and lasted about a year and a half. we then had a falling out when he started dating someone new which i saw as deceitful because i thought we had something special. he didn't know i felt that way. anyway... 6 months after that he asked me to be friends again and so i agreed and things have been going well since then. we had been platonic friends for the past 2 months and he has seemed less aloof and flaky. But things got complicated when I saw him the other night....

Basically, i saw him a few nights ago before he left for school again (which is 5 hours from my school). We had the best time I think we’ve ever had – conversation was constantly flowing. We hung out with his friends, played some pool, and then eventually went up to his room to listen to music. It was very late and we were both laying on his futon listening to a song. we were just talking about life and people and such and then he started kissing me.

I can’t say I didn’t want to kiss him, so I kissed him back and it lasted for about 20 minutes. he started teasing me about being ticklish and such and we continued making out. But i knew in my mind it couldn’t go any further, even though I wanted it to.

So I stopped him and I asked him “is this the whole reason you wanted to be friends with me again? was it to see if you could get me to sleep with you again?” he said “not at all, i just got caught up in the moment” so i asked why he wanted to be friends again in the first place. he responded that he missed me and i was always so good to him and he loves hanging out with me and that he’s super attracted to me.

We ended up talking more about the past and how i felt like he used me before. He said that was never his intention and he has a lot of trouble with thinking about other people. he also told me that he cares too much about our friendship to let that happen again and he never wants me to feel that way.

So i started asking him what he truly feels about me. I told him “you can’t hurt me any more than you already have in the past, and this is your one chance, so just tell me the truth”. he said i’m the only ex girlfriend he still talks to and that i’m the “realest person he knows” (still wondering what that really means lol) and that i’m super generous and attractive and we always have a great time together.

so then i asked “what’s the problem then? i’m good enough to hook up with and hang out with but not to date?” and this was the PIVOTAL moment of the conversation. he told me that’s not it at all and that when he thinks about it, it’s really confusing in his head. he finally admitted “i’m afraid to like you” and i asked why? and he said it’s because of what happened back in our freshman year of high school! (this was 7 years ago… but basically what happened is we were good friends and he said he thought he was falling in love with me and then he asked me out and i told him i was dating someone else when i wasn’t. i did this because i thought it would be easier than just rejecting him. he talked to the other guy i said i was dating and the guy told him we weren’t dating. he felt like a complete loser and REFUSED to speak to me no matter how hard i tried for the rest of high school)

anyway…. so i guess he associates falling in love with me as pain and rejection and maybe it makes him feel like that loser he thought he was back then? i don’t know. but we talked for awhile more and then i had to go. he hugged me (which he never really does) and brushed my hair out of my face. then i left and on my way home he texted me telling me to get home safe. we had possible plans to see each other a few days later but he never texted me and i didnt text him.

I'm so confused and I don't even know what to think. I don't know what to do

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RunAroundScreaming
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posted August 18, 2013 11:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for RunAroundScreaming     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Okay.

I'll tell you what I think.
If he's able to have sex with you while not being committed to you. If he's able to even Try to have sex with you while not being in a committed relationship to you, knowing that this will make you attached, probably, as a female..I'm sorry but I would not date him. If he were as crazy about you as he says, not only would he have gotten over the whole immature rejection thing at the excitement that you seemed to be starting to really like him all of this time, but he Also would not have been able to do these intimate things with you before being committed. Out of his love and respect for you, he would've wanted to solidify the relationship first, to make it fair for Everyone involved.
I think he does like you, but does not know any better, and does not know a thing about love, because he is sick and perverted...like most guys are. Because they have been socialized that way since very young, unfortunately.

I'm sorry but I would let him go and find a good guy who wouldn't try to get physical things from me without being in a committed relationship first. And by the way, physical things mean very little without dedication and commitment behind them, because you need those two things to build trust, and you need trust to be able to completely surrender in physical intimacy. For trust to build you need a solid history of dedication and commitment, for love to be strong and strongly expressed in physical intimacy then you need this kind of stable history of dedication and commitment beforehand.

And with that I'd say it'd be a great idea to post the composite because then I'd be even better able to judge if it's true love.

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Jkitty
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posted August 18, 2013 01:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jkitty     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
RAS, you display a lot of wisdom. I've got nothing to add. I think you've said it all very well.

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RunAroundScreaming
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posted August 18, 2013 01:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for RunAroundScreaming     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Jkitty:
RAS, you display a lot of wisdom. I've got nothing to add. I think you've said it all very well.

Thank you, that means a lot.
My mom would say "He is a guy. If he can try to be with a girl he likes a lot in a noncommitted relationship then he will." Because this is what my dad did to her. And now they have been married for over 20 yrs and he has never cheated. But that is because my dad eventually realized his morals were upside down. But my dad has many problems and I would say barely knows what love is. I'm sorry but I believe most guys do not know what love is and have a lot of problems. I believe society puts a lot of pressure on guys to be a certain way and corrupts their innocence from very young. But I have met good guys who are like girls. Who wouldn't be able to sleep with a girl without being in a committed relationship for a long time first. Those guys are very few, but it would be better for everyone if girls abstained from marriage and sex unless they had a good guy, who felt about sex the way girls feel about sex
Why do you think most drug users are guys? Men are encouraged from very young to be "bad" and parents pay little attention it, and consider it as boys will be boys or even encourage it sometimes.

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confused_libra
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posted August 18, 2013 01:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for confused_libra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you for taking time to respond, I really appreciate it. You're right, he is immature. It's just hard to move on when I had already moved on before and now I feel like I'm getting sucked back in. It's my own fault. He is like a drug for me that i crave more of. What is a composite again? sorry i'm new to this. i have our synastry chart if you want that. thank you again!

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Jkitty
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posted August 18, 2013 01:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jkitty     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
RAS, I agree. People (guys and girls too) don't "grow up" any more than they are required to. If they can get away with immature behavior, get what they want for free, the chances are good that they will try to until the consequences catch up with them.

Think about what kind of world this would be if all women made a pact to refrain from giving guys any sex until the man treated them right and committed. We wouldn't be seeing so much immaturity in men.

I agree with you that too many guys are way too juvenile in their behavior. But I don't feel that it's right to put all the blame on the guys. As long as we females are willing to accept bad behavior, guys will continue to be that way. Once enough women realize that we're enabling their bad behavior, we will see them change back to how it used to be with most of them becoming men and not just aging boys.

Meanwhile, those of us who know better need to stand together and encourage each other to stay strong. We need to be leaders and not followers. We need to get the word out to the other women/girls out there and give them hope that it doesn't need to stay this way.

Things were very different just a few generations back. Then the "sexual revolution" came along. Women thought that birth control enabled them to be just as sexual as men without consequence. However the consequence turned out to be more than unwanted pregnancy. The consequence is that men no longer need to grow up before they can get sex from women without having to pay for it. Now we're seeing the result.

Guys NEED women to remain unwilling to give them sex without FIRST getting a bona fide commitment from them. This is the only way to get most males to develop a capacity to love. Sadly, too many women are afraid to lose some immature brat to another woman. I say, let that other woman deal with the heartache of being treated like sh*t by the guy. She can have the stds and unplanned pregnancies. I'd rather have my self respect.

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confused_libra
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posted August 18, 2013 01:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for confused_libra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
here is our composite: thank you!!

[IMG]http://i1277.photobucket.com/albums/y491/sheaash1/Astrotheme_dvprG7tL3LmS_zp sf12d8b63.png[/IMG]

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confused_libra
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posted August 18, 2013 01:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for confused_libra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
<a href="http://s1277.photobucket.com/user/sheaash1/media/Astrotheme_dvprG7tL3LmS_zpsf12d8b63.png.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1277.photobucket.com/albums/y491/sheaash1/Astrotheme_dvprG7tL3LmS_zpsf12d8b63.png" border="0" alt=" photo Astrotheme_dvprG7tL3LmS_zpsf12d8b63.png"/></a>

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confused_libra
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posted August 18, 2013 01:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for confused_libra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Jkitty:
RAS, I agree. People (guys and girls too) don't "grow up" any more than they are required to. If they can get away with immature behavior, get what they want for free, the chances are good that they will try to until the consequences catch up with them.

Think about what kind of world this would be if all women made a pact to refrain from giving guys any sex until the man treated them right and committed. We wouldn't be seeing so much immaturity in men.

I agree with you that too many guys are way too juvenile in their behavior. But I don't feel that it's right to put all the blame on the guys. As long as we females are willing to accept bad behavior, guys will continue to be that way. Once enough women realize that we're enabling their bad behavior, we will see them change back to how it used to be with most of them becoming men and not just aging boys.

Meanwhile, those of us who know better need to stand together and encourage each other to stay strong. We need to be leaders and not followers. We need to get the word out to the other women/girls out there and give them hope that it doesn't need to stay this way.

Things were very different just a few generations back. Then the "sexual revolution" came along. Women thought that birth control enabled them to be just as sexual as men without consequence. However the consequence turned out to be more than unwanted pregnancy. The consequence is that men no longer need to grow up before they can get sex from women without having to pay for it. Now we're seeing the result.

Guys NEED women to remain unwilling to give them sex without FIRST getting a bona fide commitment from them. This is the only way to get most males to develop a capacity to love. Sadly, too many women are afraid to lose some immature brat to another woman. I say, let that other woman deal with the heartache of being treated like sh*t by the guy. She can have the stds and unplanned pregnancies. I'd rather have my self respect.


**BRAVO**

I totally agree. I am part of this generation where casual sex just seems to be the norm. for me, i could never wrap my head around it. I cannot engage in intimacy solely based on attraction. I have to have feelings for the person. That's why I knew the other night that I had to stop our encounter before it went too far - although yes I did want to have sex with him, it would have been wrong because I still wouldn't have a commitment from him and I'd be right back where I was a year ago. Plus, how would i feel about myself the next morning? I would have rather had that uncomfortable conversation with him than have indulged in my desires and felt like crap the next day.

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Randall
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posted August 18, 2013 01:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Moving to Personal Readings.

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RunAroundScreaming
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posted August 18, 2013 02:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for RunAroundScreaming     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
JKitty, I agree with you about girls being at fault. But moreso it is bad parenting that is the cause. Moreso it is society's fault. And in my opinion, moreso all of this is hurting MEN most of all. When you are desensitized to the consuming feeling achieved in sex (bc uve already had sex with a lot of women), not only do u become less attached and less loyal to the woman u are with in fact it is SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN and is called sexual imprinting, we release a chemical during sex that bonds us with the person and when uve had a lot of sexual partners u have less of that chemical to give out biologically speaking ur body is actually depleted of the chemical.

And when you are lustful and selfish and can have sex with someone you have no feelings for then you are more likely to cheat, especially when the other person tempts you by making advances on you without you asking for it. Why do you think most of the cheaters are men? Someone who cheats only cheats themselves, and these affairs only cause the men to be less dedicated to becoming closer with their significant other and to weed out problems in the relationship and work out arguments. They won't be able to cultivate a garden and watch it grow...and what in life gives greater happiness than this???

In my opinion it is guys who suffer first and foremost. Why do all of the people who get drunk and beat their wife, why are they ALL men?? I believe men develop a lot of frustration and sadness.

Anyway, I do not think that anyone can change these men. Even if you abstain from giving them sex, just thinking about having sex or having the itention of doing so is as bad yes JUST AS BAD as actually doing so in real life. Therefore, the fact that they are not doing it does not change anything. What might actually happen is that if all women start demanding comitment before sex, they will just lie and say they are committed just to have sex with you. If it gets to the point where women demand marriage before sex then they will just marry you to hae sec with you!! Dont you see?

The problem is not the woman but the man'a intent and his own values. The problem is in fact where these values came from and how they developed. The reason was being encouraged to watch porn from an early age...being encouraged to see women as objects from an early age, and to engage in sexual behavior from an early age "or else you're gay."

That is how bad it is for men!
And the problem in my opinion is not just peer pressure from other boys, but BAD PARENTING. Where are the parents when the teen boy is learning to heavily associate sex with women they are attracted to? Where are they when he is losing his capacity to experiencce true love? They're not paying attention, because boys are supposed to be more rebellious and aggressive and into sex.


So all in all a lot of guys including my dad eventually realize their values are wrong and feel empty from having so much meaningless sex and they stop. But guess what their mind is still lustful and they still have all this baggage. My dad is an example of that. I dont feel that he treats us or my mom well even thoigh he is perfectly loyal and hardworking.

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RunAroundScreaming
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posted August 18, 2013 02:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for RunAroundScreaming     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
to be able to answer your question I would need you to post an image of your composite from astro.com. The one you posted is a little complicated to read. For that you need to go to astro.com
Click extended chart selection under free horoscopes
And then select composite chart (the first option for composite there)

Next you need to go to tinypic.com and upload the image there. Do not use photobucket bc the image is tiny in the mobile site and im on my phone.
Once you've done that, copy and paste the direct link between these tags

[img] [/img]

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confused_libra
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posted August 18, 2013 02:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for confused_libra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by RunAroundScreaming:
to be able to answer your question I would need you to post an image of your composite. For that you need to go to astro.com
Click extended chart selection under free horoscopes
And then select composite chart (the first option for composite there)

Next you need to go to tinypic.com and upload the image there
Once you've done that, copy and paste the direct link between these tags

[img] [/img]


EDIT: sorry one second i'll get it working i keep doing the wrong thing haha

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confused_libra
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posted August 18, 2013 02:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for confused_libra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by RunAroundScreaming:
to be able to answer your question I would need you to post an image of your composite from astro.com. The one you posted is a little complicated to read. For that you need to go to astro.com
Click extended chart selection under free horoscopes
And then select composite chart (the first option for composite there)

Next you need to go to tinypic.com and upload the image there. Do not use photobucket bc the image is tiny in the mobile site and im on my phone.
Once you've done that, copy and paste the direct link between these tags

[img] [/img]



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RunAroundScreaming
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posted August 18, 2013 03:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for RunAroundScreaming     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The one from astro.com dear : P

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confused_libra
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posted August 18, 2013 03:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for confused_libra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by RunAroundScreaming:
The one from astro.com dear : P

oh okay, sorry! i'll do that really fast.

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confused_libra
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posted August 18, 2013 03:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for confused_libra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
FINALLY. this should work now, sorry for the delay!

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RunAroundScreaming
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posted August 18, 2013 03:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for RunAroundScreaming     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ok wonderful a very close love stellium afflicted only by jupiter. Lovely.

Now do me a favor and put your birth dates into reallovecalc.com pretty please
Doesnt matter which option you choose there either

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confused_libra
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posted August 18, 2013 03:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for confused_libra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by RunAroundScreaming:
Ok wonderful a very close love stellium afflicted only by jupiter. Lovely.

Now do me a favor and put your birth dates into reallovecalc.com pretty please
Doesnt matter which option you choose there either


haha okay, why? do you want me to let you know the results or something?

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RunAroundScreaming
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posted August 18, 2013 03:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for RunAroundScreaming     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yes ma'am

Post the results hehe

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confused_libra
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posted August 18, 2013 03:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for confused_libra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by RunAroundScreaming:
Yes ma'am

Post the results hehe


haha okay. 70% compatible and here's the rest:

Like a blind man at an orgy, you're going to need to feel this one out before jumping in. Your first encounter will probably have you scratching your head to see what's going on and trying to understand what it is about him that intrigues you so much. In particular, he's tentatively feeling out whether or not you're worth going in for a closer look. You're inclined to be a bit more assertive, putting yourself out there to see if he bites. It's difficult for us to determine what happens beyond this initial phase where you're getting properly acquainted. But it could very well be enough to get both of you hooked for the long term. Whatever happens, you're not likely to jump in head first with reckless abandon. When you do decide to give it a go, this will be a really deep relationship that is firing on all cylinders, meaning it will be emotionally, physically and intellectually demanding of you. If you're up for a challenge and can talk through things, you should be able to overcome any jealousy, possessiveness and insecurity that come complimentary with this relationship.

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RunAroundScreaming
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posted August 18, 2013 03:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for RunAroundScreaming     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ohhh boy i had this result with what i would consider the love of my life.

By the way this caluclator is actually a legit astro application developed by a pro astrologer who was the best at compatibility and prediction while he was alive. I forgot his name now. Ugh. The calculator looks at the tighest aspect in synastry between two charts and gives the resulting description for that. I think this aspect may be venus-pluto but am not sure. It might be venus square pluto

Anyway, yeah this result was for me the same way it was for you. It said that i was the one trying to scratch my head at what it was about him that i found so alluring. But ya the guy and i had a love stellium as well and he didnt want to commit he just wanted to make out, even though i never kissed him : P just kicked him out of my car. But you could say we were best friends first and foremost before all this happened...just like you and this guy.

The guy would actually TELL ME that he didnt like me, and wasnt ready for a relationship either but that he was attacted to me and thats why he was gonna kiss me. He wanted to get to know me later to see if he would atart to like me *shrugs* dont ask me obviously he is very confused as most guys are like i explained before.
And yeah i said no that i wouldnt like to "get to knowhim" bc i felt him wanting to kiss me had been very disrespectful. I do feel that he loved me but something was holding him back. Either way he was messed up in the head and lustful/selfish like most guys and could not love right. And I say the same about this guy. Yes he truly loves you but he cannot show that love in a healthy way that actually reflects the way love is supposed to be.

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confused_libra
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posted August 18, 2013 03:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for confused_libra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by RunAroundScreaming:
Ohhh boy i had this result with what i would consider the love of my life.

By the way this caluclator is actually a legit astro application developed by a pro astrologer who was the best at compatibility and prediction while he was alive. I forgot his name now. Ugh. The calculator looks at the tighest aspect in synastry between two charts and gives the resulting description for that. I think this aspect may be venus-pluto but am not sure. It might be venus square pluto

Anyway, yeah this result was for me the same way it was for you. It said that i was the one trying to scratch my head at what it was about him that i found so alluring. But ya the guy and i had a love stellium as well and he didnt want to commit he just wanted to make out, even though i never kissed him : P just kicked him out of my car. But you could say we were best friends first and foremost before all this happened...just like you and this guy.

The guy would actually TELL ME that he didnt like me, and wasnt ready for a relationship either but that he was attacted to me and thats why he was gonna kiss me. He wanted to get to know me later to see if he would atart to like me *shrugs* dont ask me obviously he is very confused as most guys are like i explained before.
And yeah i said no that i wouldnt like to "get to knowhim" bc i felt him wanting to kiss me had been very disrespectful. I do feel that he loved me but something was holding him back. Either way he was messed up in the head and lustful/selfish like most guys and could not love right. And I say the same about this guy. Yes he truly loves you but he cannot show that love in a healthy way that actually reflects the way love is supposed to be.


Thank you! That is actually very interesting, i didn't know how legit that calculator was. so what ever happened between you and that boy? and what is your advice to me? if you think he truly loves me then i don't think i will move on from him. i won't hesitate to date other guys but i still want him in my life too and maybe in the future when he grows up and matures we can try again.

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