posted November 09, 2013 01:58 PM            

There is someone I am intensly drawn to and at the same time I'm terrified of how he makes me feel. I can't get him out of my mind and I feel that if I could at least understand the connection I can begin to let go. I repelled his advances on me out of fear and insecurity. I think deep down he is my ideal and it terrifies the hell out of me. At first I thought I had gone completely crazy and through comparing our charts I started to see that there perhaps is a past-life connection. I also was afraid that I may have been the only one who felt this way but I got the sense over time that he too was drawn to me, despite my rejection. He was in an on-again, off-again relationship which he would subtely hint he didn't want to be in but he couldn't find a way to "extricate" himself from it. Sometimes he'd mention it as a sort of non-sequitur. Like one time, I randomly ran into him after not seeing him for months, I was discussing work and telling him how I believe "life gives you what you want but not necessarily when or how you want it." He then replied by saying "I don't want to be with my gf." At first I thought he was just some douche that was trying to have his cake and eat it too. But this went on for a year, being unhappy with his relationship and feeling the need to tell me, then I was finally able to empathize with him. I realized he was stuck in a relationship he didn't want to be in but was being guilted into staying in it and I've been there. I know how it is... And even if he does leave her/has left her, I haven't seen him in almost a year, I think he needs time to himself to sort himself out. He makes me extremely nervous.It's hard for me to be myself around him, because of how nervous I am but at the same time I feel that I could open up my Soul to him, and no one has ever made me feel that way. I don't feel the necessary need to form a "relationship" with him, per se, at least not in the traditional sense but I am drawn to him like a Moth to a Flame. I've always felt that my pool to him was something much greater than a desire to be in a "relationship". I feel the connection is beyond the physical. But it also scares me to consummate as much as I'm drawn to the idea. it's this great energy I feel we may unleash and just contact with him has dismantled my life, in a good way tho. I feel like he's forced me to look at myself and try to heal the issues I have.
His Sun and Moon conjuncts my North Node and Midheaven
His South Node conjucts my Venus
His Mars squares my Venus
His Moon squares my Moon
His Sun trines my Venus