posted April 20, 2014 03:51 PM            

"WHEN YOU ARE DOWN TO NOTHING, GOD IS UP TO SOMETHING. THE FAITFUL SEE THE INVISIBLE,BELIEVE THE INCREDIBLE AND THEN RECEIEVE THE IMPOSIBLE"

posted April 20, 2014 05:26 PM            

Just wanted to share this quick story--over the last year, my mother went through a terrible terrrible illness---it happened over Christmas--she was confused, didn't know where I was, and doctors wanted me to "put her in a home." My mom went from me a normal functioning person to completely confused and hallucinating. During this time, I had to go back to finished my grad degree (b/c my family made me, 7 hours away from where she was) but during this time, I would have gladly given up my life so that my mom could be well--many times, I asked God to do just that--trade us, and I would disappear. My mom was/is my best friend and being an only child, were were like one person.

I understand comepletely how you feel---but through all of this, I had to hold on to hope for the future and I had to think about my mom--what would she want me to do? Continue getting my education, continue to find work in the field I loved, she would not want me to stop finding value in the life SHE GAVE ME. A year later (recently this past January) after months of fighing on her behalf and many many set backs, she was finally placed a wonderful facility where she is independent and happy. She is not the mother I knew of before, but there are times when I see she still has her sense of joy and love for me and that will never change.

There are times still, when I wonder why this had to happen to such a sweet and loving mother like her, but I know there is a higher plan and purpose for everything--and we have to have the strength to continue on.

I tell you this, so that you may have hope for your future. Trust in that the life you are living HAS A PURPOSE (we don't necessarily have to know or understand this), but it does.

For you, I pulled some Angel cards:
Archangel Raphael: "Give your cares and worries to us angels, and allow us to take your burdens"

Archangel Zadkiel: "Soften your heart with respect to this situation and all the people involved, including yourself"

posted April 20, 2014 05:30 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by rajin:
Thanks Fairydust. But if they are not in this world, I dont want to be here either. I cant wait to be with them in the blue yonder and I cant survive another 10, 20 years without hearing their voice, feeling their arms around me, feeling their love for me. Plus they wont know if I am alive or not if they go.

---

You say that you wouldn't be able to wait to be with them if they were to die, which I assume means you believe in an afterlife of some sort. Then, you say that they wouldn't know that you'd taken your own life if they were already dead. If you were to see them in the afterlife, wouldn't they figure it out? Wouldn't they be disappointed to know that their legacy is over? Might they not feel guilty to know that their only child gave his/her life because of them? I'm sure that they want you to live. Love can be found in infinite proportions in this world. I know it doesn't seem that way now, but it's true. Things happen for a reason. If one source of love goes, it's to teach you something. And when you have learned, another source of love will appear to give you comfort and shelter and security. Another source of love will appear for you to confide in, for you to wrap your arms around, for you to share your love with. That said, your parents ARE NOT dead yet. They are still alive. Live for them. Their lives are not yet lost. Try your hardest to save them. And hopefully, whatever force rules this universe will help you through the difficulties and allow your parents to survive. Honestly though, killing yourself isn't going to accomplish anything. Trying to stop your parents from dying, trying to make something of yourself and of your life, spreading your love, and seeking the help necessary to do so (if needed) is.

posted April 20, 2014 05:40 PM            

I also think your parents would be devastated ... each person has their own time to go and there's a reason for that - you're here to accomplish something.

Turn to God(s)/Angels and ask for help, pray - I do it all the time when I feel lost and confused.

posted April 21, 2014 12:55 AM            

I have to say though, if you work in cancer research and give your life, wouldn't that be millions of people like your parents who have been diagnosed with the disease losing an asset and millions of people like you losing someone who they expect to help them through the situation? There are people out there, a lot of people out there, who are counting on people like you to help.

The concept of Karma is that you are rewarded for good decisions in a past lifetime and face hardships to make amends for bad decisions. Those who are able to celebrate despite attaining their fortunes in a bad way are often among the former group and will find themselves among those of the latter group later on in their karmic cycle. (Just to let you know, suicide does not put you in a very high place, karmically speaking )

These trials and hardships are all there for a reason. Think about your relationships with those who have broken your heart, and try to reflect on them. They have taught you something. Perhaps each has taught you something different. You have walked away from each stronger is what I'm sure you'll realize if you take the time to think about it.

As far as finding someone goes, my best guess would be October 14th of this year (assuming you're a girl). Mars will be Conjunct your Natal Mercury and Venus on this date. Again, this is pretty much an educated guess, and I have no idea if this is how a tMars Conjunct Venus should be interpreted.

posted April 22, 2014 12:25 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by rajin:
Hi Crimsonred
I would love to hear what you have to say. I am humbled by the support I have received here. I have been having a tough time dealing with all the things happening in our lives and have been very low for a while now. Any help is appreciated.

---

Hi again,

I hope you're feeling a little better.

Earlier, as I was reading your post and saw your birthday, I got a strong feeling of a lot of Sag in your chart.

Allow me to digress for a moment... since we've never communicated... I'm an empath... have basics in astrology, but do not translate/interpret it in the traditional way, but intuitively. For the traditional, there are many people here who seem to be excellent at interpretations, transits and such, so they would be able to look at your chart in that way... so just clarifying.

Also, I haven't been on here for quite a while and something someone said to me today (which really had nothing to do with LL here,) made me come and take a peek at the postings and your subject line caught my eye immediately.

So I read your post and felt lots of Sag in your chart, and felt that something astrologically is messing with you. Causing you to feel and see things through like a dark veil... seeing everything negative, dark and hopeless. Now not to minimize ANYTHING you're feeling and experiencing, not at ALL, but I felt that you have like dark glasses imposed upon you through which you're seeing things/are almost forced to see things. So there's a little more and there's an interesting twist with this story, but I'd rather not post it in public here.

Anyway, so I peeked at the Ephemeris for your dob and there they were... all the Sag planets you have. So because my feeling was right about the sag energy, I therefore felt compelled to write to you.

So basically I feel you're like in a really bad storm and you don't see your way out of it. It seems like a destructive storm to you... that will annihilate everything around you, including you. I feel the storm that is surrounding you is going to pass over you and the sun will shine again. But right now, while you're in the midt of the storm, you totally cannot see how it'll ever go away.

Hopefully you've found more to lift the darkness and allow more light in... and I pray that you feel better.

Love and Light!