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Author Topic:   Why do I always attract (recovering) alcoholics?
downtomars
Knowflake

Posts: 1203
From: NY
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 01, 2014 11:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for downtomars     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
After yet another failed relationship with a man that is less than a year sober, I am wondering why I always attract recovering alcoholics?

They are always overzealously romantic but a little sad (my Leo planets and Pluto in the 8th love that), but then when things get too real or serious, they back away. With this latest guy the change was so abrupt and obvious. One day he was sweet, holding hands kissing my fingertips and then the next day (literally, the next day) I could tell that something had changed. I am very affectionate (Leo planets) but it almost felt like he had barbed wire around him and I would have gotten pricked if I'd touched him. He was so tense, quiet and awkward...

A few days after that I got a text saying that he's not ready for a long term relationship due to "unrelated issues" and "feelings" that came up.

He mentioned his issues with alcohol (Sun in Pisces - sorry for perpetuating the stereotype) a few times in passing like "oh yeah, can't do that since I stopped drinking" but he never got into deep details about it (Moon in Gemini), but I am very familiar with how people with substance abuse issues act. This will be the 4th man in a row that I have dated in recovery and I am noticing a very definite pattern. He, like the others, has gone through a bunch of hobbies and hooks into new and different friend groups (and sweet ladies ) , gets obsessed with them, but drops them abruptly. I guess that he doesn't (they don't) get the continued "high" he is (they are) looking for. They are also "Eeyore" types, always down and depressed, seeing the dark side even when something wonderful happens to them ("I got an award at work, now the pressure is really on..."). I am nosy, so I have also noticed that all of these men, even one that I dated as far back as 7 years ago, are still single.

He wants to remain friends but I have stopped having long text conversations with him, but he writes me about every other day. I don't get too crazy with the responses though. I don't know. I like him, but I don't want to get too excited only to be let down again.

These guys are not bums either - this guy is an engineer, the last guy was a lawyer, guy previous to that owned a construction company and the guy before that was a video game designer/computer science guy. So it's not how people might think, with their preconceived notions about meeting these men. They are just like everyone else. I have met them in different ways also, one at work, one at a grocery store and two through online dating sites.

Oh, and I met this guy while T.Venus was spending all that time in Capricorn, in my 12th house

So onto the "personal readings" request portion of this post: Is it the Mars (5th) opposite Neptune (11th)? Or the fact that I have so many 7th house planets, and a Moon in Libra, that I am the perfect codependent partner?

Even though it seems like I might have an idea about what aspects draw these types of men to me, I'd really like someone else's opinion.

My natal chart is below, thank you for listening...


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hannaramaa
Knowflake

Posts: 7144
From:
Registered: Nov 2011

posted May 02, 2014 01:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hannaramaa     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
So, it's not technical at all but Neptune is in your 11th opposing your Mars. How I see it is drinking is a social thing, but the fact Neptune is almost in the 1st house, it suddenly clicked that could symbolize alcoholics recovering. The fact it's almost reaching it's home 12th house, like centering itself again, and it's opposing your Mars which is what is attracted to us (unorthodox way of looking at it)

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LoadedPistil
Knowflake

Posts: 1245
From: NJ, USA
Registered: Feb 2014

posted May 02, 2014 02:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LoadedPistil     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sun sq Uranus makes you try things others won't. Where's your sado asteroid?

------------------
Leo ♌️ Sun, (2nd House), Venus (3nd House)
Scorpio ♏ Moon,Mars,Saturn (5th House)
Cancer ♋ Rising
Svātī Nakshatra

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Ellynlvx
Moderator

Posts: 7429
From: the Point of Light within the Mind of God
Registered: Aug 2013

posted May 02, 2014 08:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ellynlvx     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It's that Saturn Square Neptune thing.

Mars Opposite.

Saturn is on your North Node/Vertex, and the other end of those Axes lies in Pisces.

Your Stellium in the Seventh Trines this whole Neptune thing, so that's the partnership you attract.

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downtomars
Knowflake

Posts: 1203
From: NY
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 02, 2014 03:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for downtomars     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you hannaramaa, LoadedPistil and Ellynlvx!

Ellynlvx,

quote:
Your Stellium in the Seventh Trines this whole Neptune thing, so that's the partnership you attract.

I hadn't thought of those aspects at all! It's because I was looking for the squares and oppositions only. I didn't think that the "flowing" aspect would bring these relationships to me, but it makes sense the flowing nature makes it is easier to attract the Neptune-types.

Does anyone else have any other ideas? I was thinking about the 7th house stellium, Libra influence and codependency - does anyone agree or disagree?

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LoadedPistil
Knowflake

Posts: 1245
From: NJ, USA
Registered: Feb 2014

posted May 02, 2014 03:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LoadedPistil     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by downtomars:
Thank you hannaramaa, LoadedPistil and Ellynlvx!

Ellynlvx,

I hadn't thought of those aspects at all! It's because I was looking for the squares and oppositions only. I didn't think that the "flowing" aspect would bring these relationships to me, but it makes sense the flowing nature makes it is easier to attract the Neptune-types.

Does anyone else have any other ideas? I was thinking about the 7th house stellium, Libra influence and codependency - does anyone agree or disagree?


...AND Venus in Leo. I told y'all about that "I'm going to save you" love in that Movie Thread in 2.0

------------------
Leo ♌️ Sun, (2nd House), Venus (3nd House)
Scorpio ♏ Moon,Mars,Saturn (5th House)
Cancer ♋ Rising
Svātī Nakshatra

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downtomars
Knowflake

Posts: 1203
From: NY
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 02, 2014 08:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for downtomars     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Bump

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Aries23Degrees
Knowflake

Posts: 309
From: South Africa
Registered: Dec 2012

posted May 03, 2014 01:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by downtomars:
So onto the "personal readings" request portion of this post: Is it the Mars (5th) opposite Neptune (11th)? Or the fact that I have so many 7th house planets, and a Moon in Libra, that I am the perfect codependent partner?

7th house placements? Yes. They just make someone look like the ideal person to confide in.

Mars(5th)/Neptune(11th) opposition? Yes. An attraction towards the "wounded" type. Mars in 5th and so, many of the people you find attractive/attract are affected by Neptune ;artists, painters, sculptors, actors or some creative person. But can also include (on the negative side) alcoholics, scammers,drug-takers, free-loaders etc.

Also Moon and Mars are trine(very friendly) and so, Moon also touches Neptune-further confirming a tendency to be drawn to these types.

Venus transiting your 12th house also has a role to play. This could allude to someone who is assumed to be "kind", "soft" and "appealing". It is also evident in people who are drawn to (once again) the "wounded" types.

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littlecloud
Moderator

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From:
Registered: Nov 2010

posted May 04, 2014 02:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for littlecloud     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
^ yep! I agree with the above post.

Neptune seems to be touching everything in your stellium which happens to be in the 7th house. There's a lot of co-dependency (I believe) with any stellium in the 7th house. As a Pisces ASC I can relate to your woes.

For the future try not to get involved with someone so early in recovery. Stick to being a friend which is what they need more.

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LoadedPistil
Knowflake

Posts: 1245
From: NJ, USA
Registered: Feb 2014

posted May 04, 2014 03:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LoadedPistil     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Mars 5th and Neptune in 6th with a Cancer Ascendant. I'm in the same boat. Don't feel bad. I'm outgrowing it.

------------------
Leo ♌️ Sun, (2nd House), Venus (3nd House)
Scorpio ♏ Moon,Mars,Saturn (5th House)
Cancer ♋ Rising
Svātī Nakshatra

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downtomars
Knowflake

Posts: 1203
From: NY
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 05, 2014 02:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for downtomars     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by littlecloud:

For the future try not to get involved with someone so early in recovery. Stick to being a friend which is what they need more.

Littlecloud -

The sad thing is that I usually don't realize, or find out, that these men are early in recovery until we are already involved, or, I should say, until I am emotionally attached. I have no problem being friends, but starting out romantic and being downgraded doesn't sit right with me so it's hard for me to be a friend to someone who I was involved with. If he would have let me know right off the bat, I wouldn't have gotten in so deep with him.

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littlecloud
Moderator

Posts: 2813
From:
Registered: Nov 2010

posted May 05, 2014 03:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for littlecloud     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That sucks :-(

There was this guy that I was head over heels for, like to the point of obsession almost. Even first meeting him was intense and magical. In my readings about him I would frequently get the knight of cups. Which I later realized was because he would say all the right things and behave in this romantic way but a majority of the times when he would act this way he was high. We got into an arguement once and I got to see just how nasty he could get and it was disappointing to say the least.

Even now I catch myself still wondering about him and then I remind myself of his addiction and the lies and the world becomes clear again. So yea. Had I known he was high so consistently while talking to me I would have kept away.

Over time you learn to spot these types. That Aquarius ASC is always useful for sussing out the truth and being scientific. Use it. It's ok if can't continue to be friends after. There's no need to apologize for that. These types of people need to go through their own process and sometimes they burn many bridges before learning to build solid ones.

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