posted May 30, 2014 08:36 AM            

Him - 29th October 1990
Unknown Birth Time
Coventry, United Kingdom

To be honest I'm at a point now where I don't know what to call what we've had. He has never asked me to be his girlfriend because he always told me he didn't do relationships and it wasn't that he didn't want me it was that he didn't want anybody but still wanted our friendship to be intimate and sexual.

There was a point around two years ago when I felt be was becoming obsessive and loving towards me but I started to reject his advances and play games and from then on he switched to treating me like dirt, no matter what I did or apologised he treated me like an object.

We have hit one another, screamed in each others faces but our 'friendship' is completely hidden from public view. Nobody knew what was going on between us because we wanted to keep it private and I feel like he is abusing me and I can't say anything.

To cut a long story short we stopped speaking for 10 months last year after a serious fight that happened in a public place for a change and he got in to a relationship with another girl which hurt me all the more after everything he said about never wanting a relationship for the past 5 years.
He kept trying to contact me and say hello the past few months via email but I ignored his messages until the last one when I decided to see what he had to say.

He asked to visit me as I live a couple of hours away from him and he drove down in the evening and we watched films and had a laugh together, he started to kiss me and hold my hand whilst telling me he only sees me as a friend and nothing will ever happen between us but we still ended up sleeping together that night.
He was also confusing me by telling me his (Ex) girlfriend would never let him do the things he did to me and how much he's missed me and that he cares about me.

I thought we were back on good terms the following day until he completely vanished and started ignoring my efforts to see how he was until I was told he had a girlfriend all along.

I decided to tell her and she ended things with him instantly, I also told his girlfriend about how he has treated me and the length of time he has been taking me for an absolute ride. He was crying and denying everything and telling his girlfriend I was a liar but she still cut him out of her life completely.

Since then he has been like Jekyll & Hyde, bombarding me with calls and texts asking to see me and talk about us and then switching to violent and sexually explicit messages and then telling me to stay away from him.
I let him drive over one night a few weeks ago and I had never seen him look so rough, he hadn't shaved in days and he looked quite disturbing, he ignored me in my own house and watched tv by himself and then turned to me and started trying to kiss my neck and take my clothes off until I pushed him away and asked him what on earth is wrong with him.

He completely lost it and started sending our private photos to friends and on the internet until I decided to call the police and have him charged for harassment.

I really love him but I don't understand why he would do all of this to me, for years. I have only been with him since 16 years of age and I am now 21. I'm a loyal girl with nothing to be ashamed of but I do not understand if he hates me so much why not stay away? Why cause himself so much stress and hurt by pursuing somebody he claims ruins his life year after year.

I can't take any more and I feel him being charged will be the end of things but at the same time it never feels like this is over as he ALWAYS comes back no matter what happens and I don't know if this is meant to be something or I should block him out forever.
What does he even want me to do?

posted May 30, 2014 10:14 AM            

I don't think it matters what he wants at this point. From everything you've said, what he wants is a booty call when the official lady is away. He's been keeping you a secret for a reason, which is to manipulate you into letting him do whatever he wants while keeping you tied to him.

Personally, I wouldn't see him again, nor would I want to. Going from everything you've written above, he only sees you as an object, a sex(ual) toy. It doesn't matter that you played a few games early on. The games he's playing are mindf*king you into allowing yourself to be reduced to a warm body and nothing more.

This is a cycle. If you let him back in, he'll do this all over again and you won't have a chance at finding a good, healthy relationship for yourself. I'm sorry you're going through this, but I think you need to start counting your losses and moving on.

posted May 30, 2014 11:09 AM            

I got advice from my mother, and she made me open my eyes. But I also kept a journal where I used to write all the negative things about him, and what I did not like, etc. Also, what I would no longer accept, etc. That really helped because each time I would feel weak about him - I would just go over that list I wrote and stay far, far away from him. That's what I have done with most of my exes..and for some reason, it always helps.

I know in your case is way more difficult..5 years is a really long time to be stuck in that type of situation. You have to start now though...start loving yourself, and take care of yourself. He's never, ever going to change and he doesn't deserve you at all. I hope you find the strength to truly leave this one in the dust..

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"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.

- Henry Ford"

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posted May 30, 2014 11:11 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by filleaspirant:
I don't mean to trample over your feelings, but I think some blunt objective advice and a perspective from outside might help you.

I don't think it matters what he wants at this point. From everything you've said, what he wants is a booty call when the official lady is away. He's been keeping you a secret for a reason, which is to manipulate you into letting him do whatever he wants while keeping you tied to him.

Personally, I wouldn't see him again, nor would I want to. Going from everything you've written above, he only sees you as an object, a sex(ual) toy. It doesn't matter that you played a few games early on. The games he's playing are mindf*king you into allowing yourself to be reduced to a warm body and nothing more.

This is a cycle. If you let him back in, he'll do this all over again and you won't have a chance at finding a good, healthy relationship for yourself. I'm sorry you're going through this, but I think you need to start counting your losses and moving on.

Hugs!

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"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.

- Henry Ford"

Tarot Readings by Me

Facebook - ReadingsbyAzul

Baby Yaga <3

posted June 01, 2014 05:06 PM            

Take a look at this link, and see if the narcissist type applies to him in any way. Somethings are nothing to do with you. They are his problem.

posted June 01, 2014 05:11 PM            

Ruby,

Thought of this.....I caught this a while back and have thought a lot about this, I think this applies to you, this was written by Tonya Summers: http://www.tonyasomers.com/finding-my-soulmate.htm

The term ”Soul Mate,” is very commonly misunderstood and misused. A soul mate should come with huge warning labels on their forehead. A twin flame comes into your life with a truly clean slate, ready for you and no drama at all. You will both be single at the time of meeting and ready to start a life together.

If you have met your twin flame there will no drama - none. If you have met your soul mate, there always will be big issues to deal with, forever.
Soul Mates
The term, ”Soul Mate,” is very commonly misunderstood and misused. This is because the "900 number" commercials use the term soul mate frequently and incorrectly, confusing it with the term "Twin Flame". The "900 lines" would lead you to believe that you have found your one true other half (Twin Flame) when, in reality, you have found only ONE of your many SOUL MATES. Sometimes a soul mate is a very loving partner but in most cases, they should come with huge warning labels on the forehead:

TURN AROUND, RUN NOW, MEGA LIFE CHANGING DANGER APPROACHING!
HEAD GAMES, LIAR, CHEATER, ADDICT, CRAZY MAKER APPROACHING!

Soul mates come into our lives to teach us lessons. These lesson givers quite often come into our lives as alcoholics, abusers, gamblers, addicts, cheaters, once a cheater always a cheater, have depression issues, had a dysfunctional childhood, a drama queen or king, sex-addicts, bosses, emotionally unavailable or your best friend's mate. I know this sounds like half the population, but beware of the true nature of the soul mate. There is always an issue to deal with from a past life or unfinished soul mate business.

Are you about to become caught up in the constant chaos they can and will bring into your life? Will your soul-mate become your addiction? Before you step into this mess that you may wish later you could just scrape off your shoes, ask yourself, would you fix this person up with your best friend or even a stranger?

If not, why would you date them yourself? There is always a messy complication but with a huge amount of electricity and chemistry/pull to keep you in the game.

PAY ATTENTION TO ALL RED FLAGS!
THEY ARE VALID WARNINGS.

That's our own intuition talking to us. Unfortunately with a soul mate, often times we choose to ignore all the warning signs. Often we don’t even like this person when we first meet them, but we allow this lesson into our lives anyway. Yes, it makes us stronger and hopefully we learn not to repeat the same relationship mistakes, but the Universe will continue to bring us these soul mate lessons until we learn.

The truth is, a soul mate will always come into your life with major KARMA for you to deal with. The good news is you don’t have to play. You can choose to not engage in the lesson (hopefully, because you've already learned it). If you choose to stay and play, be sure to hang on (mostly to your sanity), because this is when the roller coaster ride starts and all the games begin!

Every relationship is a mirror that helps us to learn more about ourselves. They are the most challenging and the most rewarding aspects of life. The more intimate the relationship the greater the opportunity for growth we are given. If an issue or person has an emotional “charge” to it, then you still have work to do. This mirror is the hardest to look at because it reflects the issues you have not yet finished in your life. These are the things that we are the most blind to. Hence, beware of the soul mate. I know I sound repetitive but someone has to tell you!

Self-understanding is the entire reason for these mirrors -- not to ‘fix’ the other person, but to look at yourself and learn. The primary reason for most soul mate relationships is so you can work on your spiritual self and your karma! So with that said, the more you clear up issues for yourself and the more YOU ARE the ‘right’ person; the sooner you will attract the twin flame you are looking for.

Soul mates share a common mission and comparable stage of spiritual development. They come together because they are working on the same type of karma and the same chakra simultaneously. Soul mates have an attraction that is based on the sacred labor and on the path of self-mastery on your personal spiritual path.

In a soul mate relationship there is always a connection between you from prior lives. Keep in mind that you can have as many as 3000 soul mates in one life time. You have not been happily married to each of them but in some cases you have killed each other or you may have been each other's parents, siblings or battling next-door neighbors.

Quite often in readings, I see a similar pattern for many couples. For example, when a couple is experiencing a horrible sex life, it is often because they were siblings in a past life and therefore the intimate relationship in their current life feels wrong. Another common pattern is marrying someone who was our parent in a past life, which provides an opportunity to work out whatever unresolved lessons you might have from the past. In many cases issues are reversed from lifetime to lifetime so that we might learn how the other person felt.

Whenever you consider breaking up with a soul mate, it seems A GIANT MAGNET appears in the sky making you both run into each other in the strangest of places. Soul mates can feel you come in the door when you come home or know when you're in a crowded place. A soul mate can project his/her thoughts onto you so it becomes unclear if you are thinking of them or they are projecting their thoughts on you so that you can’t tell if they are thinking of you, or you are missing them. It takes a lot to break free from a soul mate, often times you'll break up 6 to 20 times.

posted June 01, 2014 05:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LoadedPistil:
I thought we were dumping him and getting a restraining order.

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posted June 01, 2014 06:40 PM            

*You must not be in love with a man that hurts you*

This guy is toxic...get rid of him