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Author Topic:   Having suicidal thoughts and losing direction
rubynoir
Newflake

Posts: 23
From: United Kingdom
Registered: Mar 2014

posted June 06, 2014 01:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for rubynoir     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm 21 and I've never had a boyfriend I've just been used and abused for the past 5 years.
I'm doing a University degree in Art and seem to only be able to produce anything of quality when I am upset or sexually active otherwise I just feel absolutely no desire to continue with any of my work or even turn up to my seminars. I know it's not normal that the only thing that drives me is sex or negative feelings...

I also feel like I make such an effort with all of my friends, buying them gifts and lending them my money and a shoulder to cry on during hard times but get nothing in return. Nobody seems to ask me how I am or even bother with me, just let me down constantly.
I've sometimes lay down at night and wonder what my purpose for being alive is because I feel like nothing works in my favour, nobody wants to make time for me or really care so I just end up sitting in my bedroom alone constantly. I also seem to relieve myself with heavy drinking and sleeping in late and I just want to be normal and happy.

I really don't know what to do any more or see the point. I've had behaviour therapy and counselling but it hasn't really helped at all. Is there anything in my chart that shows I am prone to this kind of behaviour or thoughts?

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jenny415
Knowflake

Posts: 572
From:
Registered: Aug 2013

posted June 06, 2014 03:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for jenny415     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey Ruby,
I'm sorry to hear this- I too have been struggling. I can't read your astro chart but I'm bumping this for others to see. And I just want to say that I am with you. I have also been traumatized from past abuses all the way to when I was little. That pain is so deep that I don't know if any words I say could even help, just that I wish I could hug you because I wish someone would do that to me sometimes.

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athenegoddess
Knowflake

Posts: 1757
From:
Registered: Aug 2011

posted June 06, 2014 04:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for athenegoddess     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Its your Chiron conjunct Ascendant, square Pluto and Saturn.

Transit Saturn is activating it for you.

But you have a lot of positive aspects in your chart.

Your north node is at a beautiful degree, which means your destiny is to find enlightenment from your struggles. I find that pain in its most extreme makes a soul want to find out the truth of life. I recommend you dig deeper into it and find your freedom. Life is a test, and as painful as it may be for you right now, you will can be victorious and conquer it.

Also, when a person finds themselves alone like you mentioned, its because you are strong enough to be alone. You don't need anyone to be there even though its nice, but in my experience being self sufficient is more beautiful than anything. That's what God is wanting you to be. Find your inner strength and love yourself even if nobody else does, and you will see that the gifts to be had are more important than that other stuff.

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