posted October 14, 2014 11:14 PM            

So I have a massive crush on one of my profs. I edited this post because it initially sounded like I didn't know him t all. He's a Phd student who teaches one of my classes, I am graduating in 6 weeks. We're in the same social circle, and I see him occasionnally outside of school in social settings.

Is there a future for us? If you need further explanations, please read my posts below. Please no lecturing or advice giving though. I am asking for an astrological/tarot/horary whatever kind of reading without opinions.

I don't mean to sound hostile, but your opinion will not be a deciding factor in my choice, whatever it is.

posted October 14, 2014 11:28 PM            

You are one of his students correct??? And how on earth do you know his bday?

If so, I'm going to be real with you and suggest you not try anything. I'm a PhD student, and even though I am only a few years older than my own students, I would never consider dating one. I am the same age as you and dating a professor has never crossed my mind.

It doesn't matter if you are graduating either soon, dating in the same or adjacent department is frowned upon. Your reputation, actually both of yours, would be ruined in a second.

I really think this is a one-sided crush that you are fantasizing about and the cards I pulled supported it. The clarifier was temperance- telling you to relax and be realistic.

Are you sure its not the power dynamic you are attracted to?

posted October 14, 2014 11:46 PM            

I am doing a certificate (already have finished my studies and started a career, but decided to change paths). I don't see the age as being problematic at all, nor the fact that I am his student. I have roughly six more weeks of him as my prof, afterwards we will be working on a project together as equals in the same department. I know his age/bday because we have the same social circle so yeah...

As unusual as it may sound to you, I have been on friendly terms with professors since the age of 18, and it is quite common here with our school system for such friendly relationships. I can see how a relationship during the time he is my professor becomes problematic, but that's not my plan. I have way too much integrity to sleep with a prof for grades (if that's what you think my plan is).

As for reputation, we are in a very creative field and it is, like I mentionned, a very open one despite your experiences, wherever you are located. Thanks for the concern though. Also, just because the thought of dating your prof has never crossed your mind does not make it "morally" wrong. I get a bit of lecturing going on here, I'm sure you mean well but I am a responsible adult and am aware of potential consequences to ones reputation...And it's most definitely not the power dynamic, I'm way too independent to be attracted to a man having power over me. If anything, I'd prefer having power hahah

Thanks for the reading though! And I appreciate your honesty on the matter, even though we have divergent opinions! Hahah and I shouldnt have used the word love, it's more like massive crush. Physically I am pretty sure the attraction is there from his part as well, as my friend noticed before I even told her... Oh well, que sera sera!!

Do you have a question, I can do a tarot reading in return

posted October 14, 2014 11:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by melodiemelodie:
Hello lovelies!

So...I fell in love with a professor. He's quite young (32) and I'm 25 so it's not too far-fetched to ever imagine something. I know his date of birth (don't ask how... haha) and according to some really basic astro compatibility charts, we seem to be quite compatible.

He is so dreamy, I can't even explain it. He makes me smile so much. I had to go see him after class because of a late assignment and it was rather a serious matter, but we just both kept smiling and blushing at each other (me mostly blushing hahah).

Can I get a reading as to where this is going? I am soon to be doing a masters and he's doing his phd so it's not like we study in different fields or whatnot, and the age difference is no biggie... I can also answer your question too, through tarot!

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posted October 15, 2014 02:27 AM            

I wasn't trying to **** shame you and insinuate things about sleeping with your professor, I meant dating in general, doesn't matter whether it reaches the physical. Even you just date and don't get to the physical part, people will talk. People might even assume the worst b/c rumors spread like wildfire.

However, I have to disagree with many of your responses because they are a little out of touch with reality.

We're adults though

And as an adult you should act responsible and accordingly. It is NAGL on his part to get involved with a student.

I completely disagree though, I've known many people who were in relationships with professors.

How many? 2? 4? Unless you know 50-100 people who dated professors, this is a majorly hyperbolic statement and is false.

I don't see the age as being problematic at all, nor the fact that I am his student.

I don't see the age as a problem either- BUT the last statement! What?

we will be working on a project together as equals in the same department

Professor with doctorate> Post-doc student> PhD student> Masters student. That is how academia works, Masters are the on the low end of the totem pole. Even if you are working on the project, other faculty and students aren't going to see it this way.

As unusual as it may sound to you, I have been on friendly terms with professors since the age of 18, and it is quite common here with our school system for such friendly relationships.

I have been on friendly terms with professors, and so have many people. I've been to social parties with professors, traveled together, and other friendly things The difference lies in that we treat them as professionals, have respect and boundaries, and don't cross that line. Being friendly doesn't equal pursuing someone romantically. How do you know he is even available? Smiling at someone doesn't prove anything- I smiled at the old man at the grocery store today, does that mean I am attracted to him? No.

I can see how a relationship during the time he is my professor becomes problematic, but that's not my plan.

If your plan is to date him while being a Master's degree student it is no better, in fact, it is worse. Faculty talk, doesn't matter how liberal the place is. Masters students and Doc students won't like it either- it will make it seem as though you are getting benefits in some way. Someone from a prominent university just got fired for dating a Master's student, do you know the rules of your institution?

a very open one despite your experiences, wherever you are located

Actually, my viewpoint comes from academia in general. I guarantee you even if your school is liberal everything comes with a cost. This isn't my experience, this is common experiences of universities across the country. Schools have rules against student-teacher relationships, and even list consequences of what will happen. It is very common for students to crush on professors and vice versa, but statistically speaking very low that relationships develop between them. And without a price.

posted October 15, 2014 07:24 AM            

I was not talking of getting involved with him as a student. Let me reiterate; I am not planning on making any moves. We are in the same social circle though and will be going to the same parties at the end of the semester, when I am no longer his student, but a young creative professional working on the same project. I will be pursuing a Masters degree at a different university in the same field, but that does not/should not matter in regards to my choices.

How many? 2? 4? Unless you know 50-100 people who dated professors, this is a majorly hyperbolic statement and is false.

Just as your generalizations about academia are not necessarily factual, because you base yourself off solely your own experiences and ignore a plethora of aspects in my case (the biggest one being, I do not intend to pursue anything with this man until he is no longer my professor). I honestly shouldn't even have posted that he is my prof and asked for a reading because this polemic is absurd.

I have known a few people who were in serious and less serious relationships with superiors without major repercussions on their lives. I also work in an extremely creative and tolerant field. Anyway, I am not trying to generalize in any way and am fully aware that is not the norm, but is entirely plausible and has happened in the past.

Professor with doctorate> Post-doc student> PhD student> Masters student. That is how academia works, Masters are the on the low end of the totem pole. Even if you are working on the project, other faculty and students aren't going to see it this way.

Please girl, you have no idea what kind of field or project this is, so don't tell me about the hierarchy in my context, you have no clue. Also, he is a Phd student who happens to teach, which makes him my professor, but he is still a Phd student. Also, like stated before we're not complete strangers because I was friends with another professor prior to him even being my professor, and we are within a small close knit social circle so we have met before. It's not just the smiling, but our numerous conversations outside of class that lead me to believe there is more going on.

It's quite unfortunate that you live in such a world of conventional academia that is so tightly bound by rules and regulations, that you absolutely have to abide by, despite natural human pulsions. Anyway, I wasn't looking for a moralizing viewpoint. I understand where you come from, as I've been to another university in a completely different field where this could have meant the death of both of us, but this just isn't the case.

posted October 15, 2014 11:18 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Haplesschild*:
In most countries around the world, dating a professor when you're a student is frowned upon-regardless of how 'liberal' the Uni is. She was just trying to help, no need to get defensive.

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Hapless, I would appreciate if you had actually read my post where I explained the situation. I did not say I wanted to date him when I am his student (which I won't be for much longer). And I was not being defensive in any way, I was just giving further explanations to help her understand my point of view, not be hostile. If anything, Bella was being on the defense with swearing and saying I'm out of touch with reality, and making wild assumptions solely based on her own experience.

posted October 15, 2014 11:19 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MineAgain:
Does he have an interest in you? If you haven't even spoken and it's unrequited love, I'd advise you to move on. Actually, regardless of what the situation is, this is a bad idea.

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posted October 15, 2014 10:14 PM            

Here is your reading.

Will melodie's relationship with her prof be lasting? It is Ace of Wands.

How will the relationship be? 8 of Swords

Took a clarifier and got The Emperor.

So there you are melodie. Obviously its a new angle to your interactions with him. Something creative, energetic, a new 'venture'. But you don't know what exactly to do or how exactly to go about it as you are little hesitant/weary/thoughtful. Or plain confused? So the emperor is giving you the message that do what is required to be done and be very practical about it. Emperor gives weightage to a particular thing/person/situation as it deserves. Treats it like each has its own place in this world and hence its appropriate value/importance. So I hope you got the message. Be practical.

posted October 15, 2014 10:46 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Love&Light:
melodiemelodie,

Here is your reading.

Will melodie's relationship with her prof be lasting? It is Ace of Wands.

How will the relationship be? 8 of Swords

Took a clarifier and got The Emperor.

So there you are melodie. Obviously its a new angle to your interactions with him. Something creative, energetic, a new 'venture'. But you don't know what exactly to do or how exactly to go about it as you are little hesitant/weary/thoughtful. Or plain confused? So the emperor is giving you the message that do what is required to be done and be very practical about it. Emperor gives weightage to a particular thing/person/situation as it deserves. Treats it like each has its own place in this world and hence its appropriate value/importance. So I hope you got the message. Be practical.

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posted October 15, 2014 10:57 PM            

Please consider when writing a question to have all of the facts straight, you keep changing your story. A PhD student is not a professor, you aren't officially that title until you get a PhD. PhD students also have no time to date, so that is something to consider as well. I guess I don't understand why you are so upset at people giving their advice?

I don't care if you go to the "art-school-for-special-snowflakes-I-am-so-different-and-creative-but-really-a-walking-tumblr" there are consequences to the student-teacher relationship. I can look up and report to you Canadian-specific university and college stats if you like. No matter where you go or live, the outcomes are not good.

Unfortunately you proved my point, and really I'm not defensive about anything- what on earth would have to be defensive about? If anything, you are getting defensive because I am not giving you the answer you want.

This is a good example of when someone makes a post and wants a particular answer and gets annoyed when people genuinely want to help. I am really not trying to be mean, but want you to see the bigger picture here.

The thing is you are the same poster that made a horary because you thought a local celebrity and you would get together. Do you see the problem here? You seem to have a tendency to have your head in the clouds a bit when it comes to love, thats all. This situation with the PhD student is quite similar

I also want to make this clear since you falsely accused me of cussing, when I haven't done that so far:

quote:

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I wasn't trying to **** shame you and insinuate things about sleeping with your professor, I meant dating in general, doesn't matter whether it reaches the physical

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The ***** stood for s.lut, as in **** shaming. I wanted to make it very clear that I wasn't insinuating that you were going to sleep with him but rather that pursuing a romantic relationship, whether it gets physical or not, is a bad idea.

My second point:

What I did do in my second response was present a counterargument based off of statistics and evidence. It is not "my experiences," but rather based on research methodology. If you like I can post the receipts: P-values, regression analyses, case study reports, national newspaper features, correlations, school rulebooks, etc. As a grad student you will learn that arguments have no basis without evidence, there is no causal proof and you won't be taken seriously.

I don't have "my experiences," because I have never tried the student-teacher relationship. I am going off of research that requires causality to be established.

I can read the cards I drew for you, but they basically said, be realistic (Judgment), stop imagining (7 of Cups), because he has a gf you don't know about (The High Priestess). The other spread I just pulled said the same thing.

posted October 16, 2014 12:09 AM            

I did not in any way attack anyone here. I simply stated that I was not asking for opinions or advice; there are plenty of other forums for that. And I did say that I wasn't trying to sound hostile. It's just your interpretation of what I said. This is the Internet, and while face to face interaction can provide us with clues as to how the other person is feeling or what they are thinking, you have to believe me when I said all that I said so far was said with the utmost courtesy; if there is one thing that ticks me off in life it is when people are rude and disrespectful. I can handle divergent points of view quite gracefully, and I do appreciate your reading and everyone else's. I thanked everyone for their participation or input and just specified what I was looking for. I am aware tarot readings and astrology are exactly that; interpretations and I am not in any way upset by what was written so far.

Initially I was asking for a tarot reading (or any astrological reading), that would not be clouded by someone's opinions. If I wanted opinions or advice, I'd go to friends and family, which I have done. Anyway, lesson learned: next time I want an astro reading, I guess it is best to omit some details that may cloud the outcome for some. I have difficulty believing that someone who stands so strongly against something and is deeply emotionally invested (as you sounded in your lengthy post, but I just assume) would ever be prone to give a favourable reading in that regard. Not to discredit your reading; it's just a personal belief. I've seen people thanking you for your readings previously so I don't question your abilities personally, but I would take them with a grain of salt in this context.

As for getting facts straight, my initial post was a quick blurb with no head or tail. English is my third language and the distinction between professor and Phd student (linguistically speaking) is virtually non-existant in the language I use at school; we use the word professor regardless of the professor's actual qualifications in informal settings.

I never, ever denied the very real and potential problems in the instance where something were to happen and cause trouble to both our careers or academic lives. I just think that the chances are infinitely slim as I expressed in my previous post. I am only his student for about 6 more weeks, we are in the same social circle, I am very close friends with another of my "profs" who happens to be a Phd student but also one of his best friends. He recently was joking about how it's surprising that the prof that I am interested in is still single. (Just earlier this week, so as far as the secret girlfriend scenario goes, I'd be surprised. Time will tell). Like I said, I'll be doing my Masters most probably at a different uni and we'll be working on a different project together with various people in a more or less academic context. (Mostly less, not officially affiliated with the uni but that soo does not matter, we're adults and the "authority" he currently has over me will in no way be still valid in a few weeks, or within that project. It's not a research project, I can't give too much info as it's quite unique and I don't want to reveal my identity, but the whole hierarchy does not apply as it is young professionals and students alike).

Also, yes, statistically professors-students relationships are bound to have severe outcomes with very heavy consequences. I wholeheartedly agree with you. I also have witnessed student-prof relationships that did not suffer great consequences, but I know I can't base myself off of that. Every case is different.I love how you seek reassurance in numbers; you must be in a science oriented field. And that is a commendable trait, I'm not trying to diminish that. But statistically my brother shouldn't be alive because of health issues he had in his youth. And guess what, he still is and is doing very well. My point is, I am aware that a relationship of the kind working would be an exception, not a rule. Just be aware that there are exceptions in life. And that does not mean I have my "head in the clouds" because of that.

I don't think it's fair for you to judge my rationality or levels of being in touch with reality purely basing yourself on a post I made recently (with possibly TMI about my life, clearly need to work on that). I find it a bit narrow-minded to assume that an adult cannot have multiple love interests simultaneaously. I feel a different level of attraction towards a few men in life. The "local celebrity" guy as lunatical as it sounds is someone my age who isn't very famous at all, I was just referring to the context in which I first heard of him, but I guess that was unnecessary info that kind of made me sound like some intense groupie. He's slightly more famous than the drummer boyfriend most girls have had at some point in high school in a local garage band...My point being, he is a real person I can interact with as he lives in my neighbourhood I have seen out and about, etc, and I don't think my "crush" on him gets in the way of having romantic feelings for other people aswell. Some people have more polyamorous tendencies others are more monogamous, that is all.

I really appreciate your clarification for the cussing. I didn't realize the word s.lut was considered offensive here and it gave your sentence a whole different meaning. I genuinely thought you were just swearing, so I apologize for falsely accusing you of that. Also, when I was saying you were basing yourself on your own experiences (or lack thereof), I was referring to you saying you would never date one of your students. (I didn't really understand the relevance of that statement in regards to my situation.) It's still a personal opinion and does not mean someone else would not. I didn't imply a majority of professors would want to risk that, but some have and still do. Anyway, as for Phd students not having time to date is one of the wildest generalizations I've heard. Besides, you have no idea what kind of relationship I would want or how my relationships are. In my case, lot's of space is necessary as I'm quite independent, so yeah. One of my Phd student friends has 2 young kids, and teaches uni. Still has time for the wife.

Anyway, I understand that you, and ultimately others are trying to give advice with my best interest in mind, but if I wanted to take a good dose of reality I'd talk to my mother (who gives the most wonderful and practical advice though harsh at times, but has no astrological knowledge whatsoever). I'm not getting annoyed in any way, I just wanted people who planned on giving advice or opinions to save some time because I truly have no moral problems with the idea of a potential relationship with a prof (once he no longer has that status), in the situation that I am in. I don't mind debating, but in the end, my opinions won't budge for the next little while as I've given this much thought (then again, Mercury Rx hahah).

ps. I really appreciate your well-constructed ideas and all, you seem like a very articulate and passionate person. I felt kind of iffy about the whole "art-school-for-special-snowflakes-I-am-so-different-and-creative-but-really-a-walking-tumblr". Wonderful expressions, though quite reductive and with a hint of contempt, I felt slightly offended, but I have nothing else that shows me your intentions are to be rude.

I think we just have to agree to disagree, and call it a day. Thank you

posted October 16, 2014 01:58 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by athenegoddess:
To be honest, there is a real connection between you two. There can be a lasting connection developed out of true love. However I don't know if it would last forever or has that type of energy.

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thank you for your input athene! are you intuitive?

posted October 16, 2014 02:21 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by athenegoddess:
No i looked at the composite chart.

Yes. How does E feel about me?

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I got Nine of Pentacles:
Hmm.. I am still new to tarot, but here is my impression: The woman represented on the card has to do with the material world; luxuries, wealth, intelligence. I think this woman represents you. But there is a lack in that woman's life, and that is in the love department. I think there may be a comittement issue if this question is regarding a love relationship. Otherwise, for friendship it is a card that is good. I feel ultimately, this may mean E feels very friendly about you.

I don't know, I really hope I didn't make assumptions and the reading resonates.
It's a warm autumn night and it's raining here. I know this is not part of the reading, but here's a beautiful song you may enjoy : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pEltqAXbdQ