Why do I always end up alone?

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Why do I always end up alone? (Page 1)

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Author	Topic: Why do I always end up alone?
Dancing Maenad unregistered	posted November 06, 2014 07:23 AM Well, I've been crying. Goes without saying. I am 5 days before a big exam and I am freaking about about my love life. Not how it's supposed to be. Maybe I'm deflecting. All I know is that it's been such a HARD time for me, and I always go through everything alone. It seems like everyone around me has someone in times of need. I have online friends. And lately, psychics. Should give that up asap. I started this year engaged and with big, happy plans. Oh boy, did life take me for a ride.. Spinal surgery, not knowing if I'll ever be able to do my job properly again, the end of my engagement, cervical cancer scare, obstacles against relocation, being sexually assaulted last summer are just some of the highlights of my year. I took them all in stride, I don't know how, but I did it. Managed to stay on top of things, even lose a nice amount of weight and getting back in shape. Maybe it's all been adding up until now, I don't know. But I'm near my breaking point. I know he's the catalyst, I know there's a huge important lesson to be learned here. But I'm just so tired of life always being so hard. And that I never seem to find myself near someone who'd just hold my hand and tell me it's going to be ok. I know I am strong enough to take it, but that's not the point. It shouldn't be like this. If anyone has any insights or anything to share.. please do. My charts are below. Solar Return 2014 Comparison to natal (Vertex-Asc double-whammy, Moon-Karma double whammy, among others. Yes, it was an important year. Still is, for 6 more months) Transits and progressions to my natal (I know I am feeling like this because of t-Saturn opp Chiron, Chironic transits always hit me hard. As if the Uranus-Pluto to my Sun was some piece of cake. Also I know my prog Asc is conj natal Juno, I am vibrating marriage like crazy but it's nowhere near happening) Lastly, my SR for 2015... hopefully a little light at the end of a long, difficult tunnel Thanks for reading. It was good letting it out.. ------------------ ~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged
peacefulclouds Knowflake Posts: 1321 From: somewhere in south and the east Registered: Jan 2014	posted November 06, 2014 08:02 AM hugs, I'm sorry I can't give reading right now but I just want to say I understand. I've been alone most of my life also, with health complications, abuse and multiple life-threatening attempts (in the past!) and horrible relationships (love/family). I've been single in the past 5 years also, partly by choice but it did me really well in finding myself. I guess I'm luckier that only house 3,10, 11&12 that were occupied so the singleness does not affect me that deeply. You're aware this is a lesson to be had, that right away shows you are an old soul that is clearing karmas in this life and going towards the right path. i assure you when the chaos over, the clarity you get will be all worth it. sorry I cant help much, much love <3 IP: Logged
Dancing Maenad unregistered	posted November 06, 2014 08:07 AM Funny you should say that, being single didn't affect me either, until September. Then it all went to hell. Don't worry, you helped just so. Thank you! ------------------ ~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged
Vajra Knowflake Posts: 1738 From: Registered: Dec 2012	posted November 06, 2014 02:25 PM . IP: Logged
athenegoddess unregistered	posted November 06, 2014 03:38 PM that moon conjunct neptune at 29 sagittarius is a real nice thing to have! i bet your inner world is quite interesting! thats enough to be extremely happy with yourself! with NN in the fifth house i wouldn't worry about romance. let saturn transit your venus.. once he leaves things will change. IP: Logged
IntuitiveJ Knowflake Posts: 883 From: Registered: Dec 2013	posted November 06, 2014 04:54 PM Hi DM! I'm sorry you are going thru such a struggle right now. I definitely understand... When I looked at your SR chart it jumped out at me that you have a vertex/ASC double whammy. Which means the anti-vertex is on the descendant (double whammy). You also have SR venus on the DSC - showing love/ relationship. Natal juno falling into SR 7th. SR IC on natal MC. Home life brought out into the public. Natal venus on SR MC. Again showing an increase in love/money being shown to the outside world. Pluto in 5th showing transformation in dating. I think based on this chart it looks like you'll be in a relationship this year . Try & let things flow (easier said then done) and best of luck on your exam! IP: Logged
Dancing Maenad unregistered	posted November 07, 2014 12:30 AM quote: Originally posted by Vajra: Dancing Maenad, sorry you feel sad. I am sure are deflecting at least a little bit, the bad feeling right now is probably caused at least partly by a combination of exhaustion due to exam preparation and from stress because of the upcoming exam. Breathe, try to get centered, pamper your body. Everything is allowed right now, chocolate, cake, whatever makes you feel better. This is a trying time for many of us, it seems, and perhaps for planet Earth as a whole when you watch the news. You are not alone. And remember: This too shall pass! True! I don't watch the news, it gets to me too much, but I suppose this made me a little self absorbed as a result. It's not ok to be disconnected from the present and one's environment. I feel better today though. I woke up very tired but willing to get back into battle mode lol. Thus is a warrior's way. ------------------ ~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged
Dancing Maenad unregistered	posted November 07, 2014 12:34 AM quote: Originally posted by athenegoddess: that moon conjunct neptune at 29 sagittarius is a real nice thing to have! i bet your inner world is quite interesting! thats enough to be extremely happy with yourself! with NN in the fifth house i wouldn't worry about romance. let saturn transit your venus.. once he leaves things will change. I am relatively happy with myself. I haven't always been, though. And I don't want to be alone anymore - it doesn't come from "need" though. But I want company.. I've always been a loner for the most part, a hermit, this seems to want to change. Lol, my Moon-Neptune makes me too emotionally involved in matters I shouldn't be, and much too dreamy for my own good. It has its perks though, for sure. If I have to pinpoint one aspect that saved my humanity through all my hardship and prevented me from becoming worse than my abusers, this is it. ------------------ ~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged
BellaFenice Knowflake Posts: 3419 From: Neptune with PisceanDream, Faith, and Meissieri Registered: Sep 2013	posted November 07, 2014 12:37 AM I don't have Moon-Neptune (but does a Pisces Moon count?), but I completely understand how you have been feeling. Its a frustrating and defeating feeling for sure. Weird energy- things that never bothered me seem to feel like the world now. IP: Logged
Dancing Maenad unregistered	posted November 07, 2014 12:45 AM quote: Originally posted by IntuitiveJ: Hi DM! I'm sorry you are going thru such a struggle right now. I definitely understand... When I looked at your SR chart it jumped out at me that you have a vertex/ASC double whammy. Which means the anti-vertex is on the descendant (double whammy). You also have SR venus on the DSC - showing love/ relationship. Natal juno falling into SR 7th. SR IC on natal MC. Home life brought out into the public. Natal venus on SR MC. Again showing an increase in love/money being shown to the outside world. Pluto in 5th showing transformation in dating. I think based on this chart it looks like you'll be in a relationship this year . Try & let things flow (easier said then done) and best of luck on your exam! Thank you, J! I know, right?? pAsc conj Juno, Jupiter transiting my 7th (currently and for another year) - and nothing! For the first 5-6 months I wasn't even interested in men, after that one dude friendzoned me and this one.. this one is going to test my limits and my patience. I am worried I will end up alone, or making compromises I don't wish to make. I like my 2015 SR much better for love, there's a nice trine between Asc and DC rulers and it's near my Venus return too. This one had a sq between Venus and Saturn and lemme tell you, it played out.. a lot. I wouldn't say I had a bad year though. I've had bad things happening and for sure it was hard, but I took them differently than I would've 2-3 years ago. Our reaction to events/people really does make all the difference in the world. In any case, I am done feeling sorry for myself. I will try my best with every challenge. If I fail, that is a lesson in itself and won't kill me (though I would for sure try to avoid the humiliation if I can). ------------------ ~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged
Dancing Maenad unregistered	posted November 16, 2014 12:42 AM Well, I am at least done with the exam (successfully), so I can get back to focus on my love troubles and what it is that I need to "fix". I honestly can't see, from my chart, why I would have such horrible bad luck in love. My DC ruler and even intercepted 7H ruler are VERY well aspected. My DC ruler even makes a sextile to my ASC ruler and my intercepted 7H ruler makes a trine to my intercepted 1H ruler! Yes, it is true I have an afflicted Asc/DC axis (4 squares) and a Venus unaspected, unless we count the conjunction to Chiron (which is kind of like an affliction, if you ask me). But... come on!! I am 31.6 years old, been engaged TWICE, been proposed to 4-5 times, I think, but only had one relationship that actually lasted longer than 1 year. WTF is going on here?! Why the hell am I so unfortunate?? I am not the world's most unattractive woman, I am smart, financially independent, I have a smashing career. Ok, I am a little difficult and overbearing.. but I've seen b#tches bigger than me and they all have someone. Halp? ------------------ ~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged
Dancing Maenad unregistered	posted November 16, 2014 12:50 AM quote: Originally posted by BellaFenice: I don't have Moon-Neptune (but does a Pisces Moon count?), but I completely understand how you have been feeling. Its a frustrating and defeating feeling for sure. Weird energy- things that never bothered me seem to feel like the world now. Hugs, Bella! At least you're younger and have more time at your disposal - look on the bright side! At any rate, join the Lonely Sisters Club. Let's get drunk and have a party! Who else wants to join? ------------------ ~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged
seruryu Newflake Posts: 21 From: Setapak, Kuala Lumpur Registered: Aug 2013	posted November 16, 2014 12:54 AM I am so sorry for your pain dear...To be honest with you, I was looking for my post about my own readings (only natal, because transit charts for me is not of importance,this is arguable)and looking for people to tell more about myself (self-serving ego negativity) and I've come across your post. I do not know what to do, but I am sending you my light and love from afar...Hugs... ------------------ I am the Remembrancer IP: Logged
seruryu Newflake Posts: 21 From: Setapak, Kuala Lumpur Registered: Aug 2013	posted November 16, 2014 01:04 AM I can not really say that I completely understand your situation but you have a friend in me...I know I am new and just a random dude but I've lost my sister to cancer last November (exact date, November 20th) and the year before (2012) my boyfriend dumped me (around June-ish) right before my Mid-terms examination. Pain is the theme of my life and I am sure we are all here for you...so glad that you're doing better now... ------------------ I am the Remembrancer IP: Logged
Dancing Maenad unregistered	posted November 16, 2014 12:33 PM Thanks for stopping by, Seruryu! I am sorry for the pain you endured, also, and the loss of your sister. You have a friend in me too. ------------------ ~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged
FairyDust75 unregistered	posted November 16, 2014 12:46 PM I can't offer any psychic insight or interpretation of your chart. I can only offer a kind word. I too have been alone most of my life and I understand your pain. I wish you all the best and hope you can get out of this sadness soon. I know it's hard. Just take it one day at a time. Find one thing every day that makes you happy and just do it. Even if it's having a great cup of coffee. Take care. IP: Logged
ikja unregistered	posted November 16, 2014 12:52 PM quote: Originally posted by Dancing Maenad: Well, I am at least done with the exam (successfully), so I can get back to focus on my love troubles and what it is that I need to "fix". I honestly can't see, from my chart, why I would have such horrible bad luck in love. My DC ruler and even intercepted 7H ruler are VERY well aspected. My DC ruler even makes a sextile to my ASC ruler and my intercepted 7H ruler makes a trine to my intercepted 1H ruler! Yes, it is true I have an afflicted Asc/DC axis (4 squares) and a Venus unaspected, unless we count the conjunction to Chiron (which is kind of like an affliction, if you ask me). But... come on!! I am 31.6 years old, been engaged TWICE, been proposed to 4-5 times, I think, but only had one relationship that actually lasted longer than 1 year. WTF is going on here?! Why the hell am I so unfortunate?? I am not the world's most unattractive woman, I am smart, financially independent, I have a smashing career. Ok, I am a little difficult and overbearing.. but I've seen b#tches bigger than me and they all have someone. Halp? At least people have wanted you! How many proposals?!?! Lol they may not have been the right or best people, but they have. You should definitely feel comforted by that. I understand what you're saying about not wanting to be alone though. I hope you do find someone who fulfils you in every way. By the sounds of things, it will pick up for you within the next year and I am wishing you all the best with your exams and also your future relationship P.s. I've had a **** year. Just know that you're not alone in feeling alone sometimes. ------------------ When in doubt, ask questions. �❤ Sun: ♊, Asc: ♏, Moon: ♈, Venus: ♉, Mercury: ♊, Jupiter: ♋ IP: Logged
Dancing Maenad unregistered	posted November 16, 2014 12:59 PM They weren't serious about me! I don't know how I could find comfort in that. I would rather they left me the hell alone instead of confusing me with their on/off games. Thank you, though.. I get what you're saying, but it's impossible for me to be grateful for that. Besides, that was in the past, this is now. I am an optimist by nature, but I keep having faith that this aspect or this year will be different. It never is. Same old, same old. I'm done. ------------------ ~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged
Dancing Maenad unregistered	posted November 16, 2014 01:00 PM Thank you, Fairy. ------------------ ~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged
cherful24 Knowflake Posts: 5492 From: chicago, il Registered: Mar 2012	posted November 16, 2014 07:18 PM Dancing...I didn't hit it until 34 when I started panicking because I never truly believed I would be without someone and now that I'm 36 I'm seriously depressed over it so do whatever you gotta do to get someone now go online get set up with friends go out often trust me its not worth being alone and it's not worth waiting and waiting and waiting hoping someone's going to make that first moveat this age it gets harder to find somebody because truthfully everyone's married and if they're not they're going to be divorced so now you're going to have to worry about his kids or live got so much baggage its just relationships with drama like the cliches are true that dating at this age I seriously feel like a Bridget Jones IP: Logged
Dancing Maenad unregistered	posted November 16, 2014 10:40 PM Cherful, I always thought I would marry at 24 (see Solar Arc Moon - DC ruler - conj Asc?) and as time goes by, it seems less and less likely. Of course, there's the famous prog/SA Sun conj natal Venus in 4 years, but I kinda want someone NOW. lol I am enjoying my life, my career, all the little things that I get to do. But I would very much like a companion through all this. You're very right, it gets super hard after a while. I've gone into the divorcee pile already. Not fun, especially when kids are involved. By this age, everyone has big baggage they're carrying around, everyone is so guarded and wants to take things uber slow.. Seeing friends and family all happily married and with kids certainly doesn't help. So.. I totally get where you're coming from. I'm in the same boat. I figure if after that major Sun-Venus aspect, still nothing good happens, I'll just adopt a little girl and it will be her, me and our cat Sebastian. A furry little man, if not a human one.. I could give up the idea of a husband, but not the kids. NN in the 5th will have it no other way. ------------------ ~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged
ungumuda Knowflake Posts: 174 From: Registered: Jun 2014	posted November 17, 2014 04:10 AM Oh DancingM, you through a lot I'm sorry I don't know what to say to make you feel better, I just can send this virtual hug. I have moon square neptune. I can be overwhelming. IP: Logged
libran_dream Knowflake Posts: 587 From: Registered: Nov 2011	posted November 17, 2014 11:42 AM Just for your SR, purely astrologically, the double DC square. And by Moon and Saturn, no less, what a combination. Making your DC the Moon/Saturn midpoint. Add to that the 28AQU degree and a H7 Neptune... It's a problem. A sort of combination of too much worry, a rebelliousness and refusal to take roots that is difficult for you to notice about yourself but that a (potential) partner picks up strongly, and an expectation of something a little more perfect than what the real world has to give. In the natal, DC inconjunct Moon(never, ever underestimate an inconjunction), which is its ruler, and square Mercury, H5 ruler. There's a bit of a "not really knowing what you want" thread there. You might think you want one thing, but are focusing your energy on actually getting something else. Have you ever done something like lover therapy on your own? It's a sort of a meditative exploration of what your true beliefs, wishes and expectations from a lover are. You would be absolutely surprised at how many destructive internal attitudes we all have that we're completely unaware of. And we externalize them every day of our lives, and remain quite oblivious about what kind of energy we're really putting out there. IP: Logged
Dancing Maenad unregistered	posted November 17, 2014 02:11 PM Where did you learn to read charts like that? Yes, that's quite true, I would say. Wow, ok. Never heard of lover therapy. I do underestimate the inconjunct. But isn't 5 deg orb too much for a quincunx? ------------------ ~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged
Dancing Maenad unregistered	posted November 17, 2014 02:13 PM ungumuda, thank you for the cyber hug! Awww, I loved that picture! Yes, Moon-Neptune is such a very sensitive aspect! It has its blessings but we need thicker skin for sure. ------------------ ~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged

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