posted January 11, 2015 05:11 AM            

Your question?

posted January 11, 2015 05:29 AM            

My question is:
What did P think of our chat (especially in relation to me)?

posted January 11, 2015 05:31 AM            

WIll I get paid by the place I currently work at soon? Or will I have to fight.. again?

posted January 11, 2015 05:36 AM            

one positive, one negative, one neutral
So it is up in the air, really, however with the positive Stars coming last I think it is tilted more to Yes.

posted January 11, 2015 05:37 AM            

strenght, rx- lack of faith and feelings of inadequacy. There is pessimism and the inability to go with the flow.

the tower- instability and what has previously been secure and safe is gone. An ego blow and disillusionment.

It seems like the chat you had with P was an eyeopener for you. The cards show me that P was trying his/her best to communicate but a number of things came as an unappreciated surprise. There will be a healing period now, but it's going to take time.

posted January 11, 2015 05:38 AM            

Can I ask another question?

What does he really feel about me (now)?

posted January 11, 2015 05:39 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Ship - Mountain - stars

one positive, one negative, one neutral
So it is up in the air, really, however with the positive Stars coming last I think it is tilted more to Yes.

As for the cards itself they seem to represent that there will be a certain delay of getting the money, but ultimately it will come in (Stars), even though most probably belated or after an adjustment phase.

---

posted January 11, 2015 05:44 AM            

Ouch, did you argue?
It seems like something has been blurted out, brought out into the open, like an eruption, and it leaves everything changed. Totally changes his view on you as well, but the 8 of pentacles at least seems to indicate that there is a solid foundation you two can build upon. Though with the Tower as last card, maybe exactly that foundation had been damaged.
But of course the Tower also opens up ways to build things a new. I think 5 of sword and Tower together, as much as it can hurt, are cards of truth and bluntness even. Okay, maybe a little too much, but usually th etower for me comes up in terms of necessary changes.

posted January 11, 2015 05:46 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Yes it does resonate.

Can I ask another question?

What does he really feel about me (now)?

do you have another question, too?

---

the sun, rx- usually means he's being, and allowing himself to be pulled in several different directions. In his mind there is no more clear path forward. There is unhappiness and loneliness- relationship difficulties are also in this car.
death, rx- emotional exhaustion and fear of change and the unknown.
king of pentacles, rx- stubbornness, and potentially immersing himself in work and not really paying attention to anything else to attempt to numb himself. He may lash out down the line.

He's not too happy right now. His emotions are all over the place and from the spread, it seems like he just doesn't want to deal with his feelings.

posted January 11, 2015 06:16 AM            

Well he is a performer and he had been paying too much attention to me for the last occasions, and there was something going on I suppose, starting with certain remarks about me driving him crazy, coming down to me to ask for my name etc.
I never really talked to him about it though.
But despite me holding back, it seemed to affect his partner a lot.
They are having a little child as well, which is the reason I enjoyed the attention but tried to stay in the background, though it flattered me, and I am surely attracted to him, but I know my place, though I could not prevent feeling like I was somehow special. Just feeling this. Not intending to act in any kind of way. Just keeping it in a state of limbo.
But the way his significant other was acting around me (we have the habit to always bump into each other on concerts. *sighs*), started to get unbearable for me.
And I thought it was partially BECAUSE I was being unclear, unresponsive.

Anyway on friday I made the decision, that this can`t go on like this.
I can`t keep things in this state of limbo. I will make it easier for him (them). I will simply settle into fanmode, as I am supposed to do.

So I did eventually get into the fan-crowd (something I hate and swore I`d never do) to talk to him. Just a few words (we had talked before, but that has been over a year ago, I mean talking like in communicating. lol).

In a way I wanted to reassure him and maybe even more so her, that I would never do anything sneaky, that I know my place and accept that role (as just a fan, just one of the crowd, clearly not special).

The circumstance was very unfortunate, too many people around, which means too little time, and I did not want to monopolize more of his time than necessary.

Despite the crowdedness and hectic there he was very focused on me, like he always is when we do talk. lol
It also, it seemed like there was some subconscious layer beneath what was actually said.

Well, I certainly did not choose my words wisely, and might have coming off as a little too blunt, telling him I did not want an autograph, and when he asked why not, asking back what I would be doing with a signature?
*sighs* Mercury in SAgittarius - sometimes I hate this placement.
I did however state that I was just being there to thank him for the beautiful and touching show, and then for some reason i canīt even name now, congratulated him on his little son, who is just too cute.
The thing is he seemed to enjoy that, for his smile deepened, but at the same time, I donīt know.
Well he pointed out that he (his son) was being just on the top of the stairs nearby, which means the mother was with him, and that actually means we were under surveillance once again. Well I thought maybe that would calm HER nerves to see that I am not special to him, just like everyone else.
Well when I already had semi-turned to leave he was addressing me agian, just to tell me to take care, which is quite a weird way to say goodbye (usually in Germany we just say Bye or Enjoy your evening, but Take care? )
And then I walked out of the theatre, without turning around, and for some reason this just broke my heart.

I mean we couldnīt keep up the innuendo and playing hide-and-seek from stage to audience anylonger (he once again left his stage during the show and was pacing to the seat where I was sitting, not really talking to me, but stealing one more glance. But this I canīt do that anymore. And the only way to break this hide-and-seek-pattern, is to start communicating, bringing this out of the imaginary castle of clouds down to earth, and the only way that can happen, is in the very superficial performer-fan-way.
He`s in a very solid relationship after all.
He shouldn`t even have been doing all these things he did, no matter how happy the thought made me to think that I might actually have meant something.
But well, I can understhand why I am so upset about it and why it hurts me, but him?
He shouldn`t even care.)

Well, he has grown uncharacteristically silent on facebook too. Usualy he is gushing after these concerts and is being online all the time. And before that night, he was rather responsive, to my comments as well, but since that night, he seems to have completely disappeared.

So this seems to fit with what you wrote.

I really donīt know what I could have done differently. This - being a fan- is really the only way of interacting I can think of. Well the only way that is acceptable under these circumstances I think.
And if he does not want to interact with me at all, his behaviour before all that just doesn`t make any sense either.

As you can see I really have no clue what is really going on.

But I know, as I have witnessed it, that his partner was very unsettled and hurt by this and I am just not wanting to be reason she startles or jerks or freezes up, everytime she sees me. It makes me uncomfortable. I am no threat; I can`t simply switch off my feelings, but I would never act on them, try to do something sneaky, get closer to him behind her back for example.
But not doing anything seemed to upset her, too, so I thought it was best to talk to him in a fan-circumstance. Just a part of his job, nothing personal being there.

Of course THIS particular occasion was very unfortunate. With all the hectic, chaos, crowdedness, noise and pressing time.

posted January 11, 2015 06:18 AM            

(I mean, come on, if I was really just like all the others, shouldn`t he be unimpressed in either direction?)

what is your next question?

posted January 11, 2015 06:31 AM            

When a reaction is not what you expect it to be, it throws the person in for a loop- like you did to him. He truely does need to grow up at this point, don't you think?

my question- What do I mean to my maternal grandad? We had a fight a few weeks back and I've not heard from him since. He can be very unreasonable.

i'm shuffling.

posted January 11, 2015 06:41 AM            

re feelings question - that is an intuitive 'yes'.

re what you mean to him-

the devil, rx- a lack of control, and sexuality in dominance.
the hierophant- mercy, faith and compassion... OR.. bonded to the conventions of society
iv of cups, rx- limitation and stagnation.

When I first saw the spread, it was like he wants what he can't have.. he used to be able to have it all, and now he's restricted and he doesn't have that self control which he should be having. He wants to have control over a situation and he thought he could control the situation between the two of you. What throws me for a loop is the hierophant card as it seems like he is inspired by you- OR- that he would never act in a socially 'bad' way because he knows he has too much riding on his image. The IV of cups seems to reinforce the first card- saying to him you mean freedom, something he doesn't have anymore.

posted January 11, 2015 06:43 AM            

The thing is, we have been in this strange dance for a couple of years, and for the first years it was me withdrawing, staging disappearance acts, sometimes for several months, a year (he seemed to always recognize me, even after 2 years I had not shown my face. lol), I tend to get paranoid, insecure, and then I start running away.

And you know I WAS thinking to never see him again, but this I have tried several times, and it does not work for me. I LIKE him, as an entertainer, too, and I like seeing him occasionally. Something would just be missing, and I am too selfish to just stay away completely.

posted January 11, 2015 06:50 AM            

But oh my your readings were so enlightening, and the last one, it resonates very very deeply. Yes I think that sums it up, we both want what we can`t have. And though we will both respect the boundaries and not do anything sneaky, the temptation is there.
I mean seriously, why would he come down into the audience pretty much always, just randomly strolling and randomly stopping right in front or beside me, even with no word exhanged, just a look or two.

Oh Damn it, sometimes life is unfair!

and yes it IS a significant scenario for me. Even though at the moment I feel rattled and shaken, like I unknowingly have set something in motion, and I am not sure how this will turn out.

posted January 11, 2015 07:48 AM            

You'll be in the process of detaching, and it'll be a bit painful, but worth it. You will enjoy yourself, however I think when you see him, part of you will be in excruciating pain.