Lindaland
  Personal Readings
  (Advice request - No Reading) - Listen to my "head" or to my "heart" (Page 1)

Post New Topic  Post A Reply
profile | register | preferences | faq

UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone!
This topic is 2 pages long:   1  2 
next newest topic | next oldest topic
Author Topic:   (Advice request - No Reading) - Listen to my "head" or to my "heart"
MineAgain
Knowflake

Posts: 1600
From: Dreaming of you
Registered: Nov 2013

posted February 27, 2015 04:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MineAgain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
[.]

IP: Logged

ComputerGal
Knowflake

Posts: 66
From:
Registered: Nov 2014

posted February 27, 2015 04:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ComputerGal     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi Mine,

All the things u have said in this post make it clear u should not contact him. If someone treats u poorly and with no respect as Beyoncé says "to the left, to the left. I understand it is difficult but every journey starts with a small step and your journey away from this person can be furthered by this small step. You have to value yourself above him. Hugs

IP: Logged

MineAgain
Knowflake

Posts: 1600
From: Dreaming of you
Registered: Nov 2013

posted February 27, 2015 04:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MineAgain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by ComputerGal:
Hi Mine,

All the things u have said in this post make it clear u should not contact him. If someone treats u poorly and with no respect as Beyoncé says "to the left, to the left. I understand it is difficult but every journey starts with a small step and your journey away from this person can be furthered by this small step. You have to value yourself above him. Hugs


Thank you ComputerGal

Yes, this is my biggest problem. I don't know how to think straight when I think about him.

The signs are indeed pointing towards the "no contact" option yet I'm still contemplating sending him a message (which he's probably expecting) so that he can boost his confidence through the attention I'd be giving him.

I know that I'll definitely regret sending him a message in case 1) he doesn't reply 2) he replies but doesn't care much 3) replies to get the attention then disappears into thin air (again).

This time around, I know I'd be the one setting myself up for disappointment and pain.

This is really hard though because in my eyes, it's pretty much the only excuse I can use to "re-establish" contact. Yet, I don't see him chasing me.

IP: Logged

Jerseyshore
Knowflake

Posts: 695
From:
Registered: Feb 2014

posted February 27, 2015 04:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jerseyshore     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Just say no! LOL Seriously though, he didn't appreciate or even acknowledge you the last time around. It's time to cut all ties, which include thoughtful birthday messages. Focus on yourself and establishing healthy relationships with deserving men. Just my humble opinion, dear. <3

IP: Logged

St@r2013
Knowflake

Posts: 2009
From:
Registered: Jun 2013

posted February 27, 2015 04:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for St@r2013     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey MineAgain,

I think you need to be honest with yourself as to the reason you actually want to send the message.

You say your goal isn't to re-establish contact to date him, just to wish him a happy birthday but then at the end you say if he ignores your message it will be embarrassing. Why would it be embarrassing? If your goal is to just wish him a happy birthday why would his response matter?

You need to be honest about what it is you are after - are you hoping you guys will start chatting again because of the message? Are you thinking this will give you closure? What is it that you are really after?

In all honesty it sounds like if your goal is to have another contact with him you most likely won't succeed - he ignored your message last year, he treated you poorly when you were together - this doesn't sound like a guy who will respond and it will be an awesome connection...

Just my two cents...

IP: Logged

MineAgain
Knowflake

Posts: 1600
From: Dreaming of you
Registered: Nov 2013

posted February 27, 2015 05:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MineAgain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by St@r2013:
He ignored your message last year, he treated you poorly when you were together - this doesn't sound like a guy who will respond and it will be an awesome connection...


My friends told me the exact same thing at lunch today. I don't know how many times I need to hear this before it finally hits me (clearly, it's never enough).

IP: Logged

athenegoddess
Knowflake

Posts: 4367
From:
Registered: Aug 2011

posted February 27, 2015 06:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for athenegoddess     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Why don't you just tell him how you feel. At least that way you can stop worrying and wondering after you do so.

IP: Logged

MineAgain
Knowflake

Posts: 1600
From: Dreaming of you
Registered: Nov 2013

posted February 27, 2015 06:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MineAgain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by athenegoddess:
Why don't you just tell him how you feel. At least that way you can stop worrying and wondering after you do so.

I already know he doesn't feel the same (based on his past behavior with me, mentionned in the original post), I think that telling him how I feel would only instill more pain.

IP: Logged

ikja
Knowflake

Posts: 1485
From: London, UK (GMT - 5 hours ahead)
Registered: Oct 2014

posted February 27, 2015 07:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ikja     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My response is in your other thread.

Good luck with what you decide x

IP: Logged

Jerseyshore
Knowflake

Posts: 695
From:
Registered: Feb 2014

posted February 27, 2015 08:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jerseyshore     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It appears you already know the best thing to do then. Move on, darling. You are allowing him to stunt your growth. We've all been there...I've been there...you are worth more. Remember that!!!


quote:
Originally postd by MineAgain:
I already know he doesn't feel the same (based on his past behavior with me, mentionned in the original post), I think that telling him how I feel would only instill more pain.

IP: Logged

peacefulclouds
Knowflake

Posts: 1271
From: somewhere in south and the east
Registered: Jan 2014

posted February 27, 2015 10:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for peacefulclouds     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
he's march 1st?

i advise, as a fellow march 1stians, don't contact him.
scorpio pisces have magnetic attraction, but once no contact is established by the pisces, there's no reason to prolong it (even if he's in the wrong), he will not swim back and your feelings will hurt your own heart.

pisces are notorious of being not able to 'move on' (can manifest in many different ways) due to their beliefs w/ connection etc (scorpio is the higher octave of that) but once it's broken for real, it is broken.

he's a jerk, sounds like one, all the more reason to just let it go.

the connection at this point, think of it as not a connection- it's one-way signal from you. convince yourself, the connection is no longer there and you are having a withdrawal.

IP: Logged

MillyX
Knowflake

Posts: 1423
From: canada
Registered: Feb 2012

posted February 27, 2015 11:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MillyX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My advice is don't. Walk away hun. If he treated you poorly in the past what makes you think things will change now? You don't deserve pain & you don't deserve to get hurt.

May I ask...Why do you want to re establish contact with this guy?

IP: Logged

MineAgain
Knowflake

Posts: 1600
From: Dreaming of you
Registered: Nov 2013

posted February 28, 2015 02:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MineAgain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
He's March 7th.

He disappeared on me because I wasn't ready to sleep with him which should have been enough for me to move on (any girl with a decent self-esteem wouldn't think twice about this).

I'm not exactly sure why I want to send him a birthday text because I know myself, and if I had truly wanted to get in touch with him, I would have done so a long time ago already. I just sort of didn't feel like it - until his birthday started getting close.

My friend told me that if I were to send him a message, he would to like the attention and maybe give me some back, but ultimately, it would fade away (again) because it's obvious he doesn't care.

I think I have a hard time accepting "unfinished business" with someone I had genuine feelings for.

IP: Logged

intuitivefish
Knowflake

Posts: 2361
From: Europe
Registered: Aug 2014

posted February 28, 2015 03:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for intuitivefish     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
you ARE actually looking to contact and reastablish no matter how much you think you are not.
If you didnt want this you would not care or remember his birthday.
You are looking at his birthday as an excuse to contact him in hopes he would reply and talk to you normaly.
Although this is very normal and many of us ( including me ) have done this, you need to think more about the fact he has not been nice to him and he may very well just delete your message and not say anything back.
And then what? you will probably be sad and ask here whats next. WHich again is normal and understandable.

My advice would be, think about it, are you able to send the message and detach from it, not care if he replies? not be affected if he doesnt reply?
Why do you need this?

I am sorry to say but my feelings to say he would ignore it once one, I dont say this to make a point I would ike it very much if you got your wish come true.
But even though this man might deep down have true feelings for you, he is chosing not to go in that direction. who knows what might happen 2 years from now. BUT right now, as of last year and your last attempt he has choses not to persue you or reply to a kind message and your effort.

From what I am getting, its not your brain but your gut feeling that is shooting the red warning not to do it. Also its fear but this time I think you should listen to the warning.
Who knows, what if by you not sending something it makes other better things happen?
you can never know what might happen if you chose to go another path.

This time, I do get to forget you even know its his birthday, who cares, its a day and maybe a reaching out will be done on a less prominant day.
maybe it till turn out better not to do it on such a day, but on a more regular day.
time will show you.

I say let the day pass as if you dont even know what day it is

IP: Logged

ikja
Knowflake

Posts: 1485
From: London, UK (GMT - 5 hours ahead)
Registered: Oct 2014

posted February 28, 2015 04:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ikja     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Take it from someone who reached out to someone on their birthday (someone I loved VERY much), 5 months after we stopped talking because I had feelings for him and he moved on.

Yes, we spoke things through and we met up and it was fine for some time. However, everyday I was reminded that if it wasn't for me reaching out; we wouldn't be talking to each other.

It is so much easier to respond to a message, than it is to send one. Simply responding to a message doesn't show any sincerity, as the receiving person is not required to prove anything to the sender.

Fair enough, Pisces may turn around and say 'I've missed you, you're the one for me', but that's the best case scenario and the one that perhaps least likely to happen given his previous behaviour towards you. Even if he did feel that way, what has been so important that it has held him back from communicating these "die hard" feelings for a year? Nothing.

That's why I don't think you should do it. He hasn't proven that he is worthy enough to be in your life, despite having several chances and a whole year to think about it. From experience, I'm telling you that you will be disappointed with every outcome, except a declaration of his love... which is unlikely from what you've said. Perhaps I am wrong and I am projecting my experience onto you, but... then my question remains: If he has missed you in the same way that you have missed him, what has prevented him making contact?

I'm guessing he missed your birthday last year? If so, that is another reason not to message him this time around. Even 9 months (approx.) after you sent him a birthday message (last year), he didn't take the time out to send you any positive birthday messages; and that to me shows that he doesn't appreciate you - if he cared, he wouldn't have done that.

I'm not saying that it will not be hard if you choose not to send the message, but I think that if you do, you're setting yourself up to not only be disappointed, but to harbour resentment in the long run. As a Scorpio rising with experience of this particular issue; I don't think such feelings will be best for you in the long run.

With that said, you have been asking quite a few questions related to this issue. Not all of the responses have been positive, yet you've kept asking. That's not a bad thing, however... It tells me that you want to follow your heart and you want to reach out. There's nothing wrong with that, because above all... You need to do what feels right in the moment (sometimes against a consensus), however... Just be ready and prepare yourself - Protect yourself and your heart!!!

Optimistic outlook: I hate unfinished business too, but the truth is unfinished business RARELY stays unfinished. However, it might be that it's not supposed to be finished by you. You never know, your intervention here might be going against the overall plan/destiny of your relationship in the future. Perhaps he is supposed to reappear and make it all up to you. This could be the test in order to get THAT outcome.

Even if it's not, show yourself that you love yourself and value yourself more than this pleb. You deserve so much more.

IP: Logged

Vivi327
Knowflake

Posts: 920
From:
Registered: Jul 2014

posted February 28, 2015 06:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Vivi327     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You are the prize to be won. Prizes sit and bask in their beauty until someone who is worthy wins them..

IP: Logged

florence
Knowflake

Posts: 897
From:
Registered: Jun 2012

posted February 28, 2015 11:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for florence     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ikja makes a good point. Maybe you will interfere with a better turn of events (even if you don't feel hopeful about the future it doesn't mean there isn't hope).

Personally I think sometimes communication breaks because of various prides, stresses, hurts etc and it's a shame for it to stop because of that. However, to truly remedy that it has to come from a higher place (than the reasons which caused the distance) and be non attached to outcome. If you aren't ready to do that (which is understandable because you have feelings) I'd just hang on past the birthday. I think someone advised in the other thread to send good wishes in your thoughts or I might be mixing that up with something else but .. I think that's a good way to not feel a yearning to message then. And also remember sometimes you can show the most love by not messaging and also have what you'd like to happen by letting this other person come to you and work through their own issues than be preempted.

IP: Logged

MineAgain
Knowflake

Posts: 1600
From: Dreaming of you
Registered: Nov 2013

posted February 28, 2015 02:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MineAgain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I agree with you guys. Maybe sending him a message would interfere with how things are supposed to turn out in the end. I don't even comprehend why I'm contemplating reaching out to him.

I'm not sure if he reached out to me on my birthday because I changed my phone number a couple months prior and he was blocked on FB at the time.

I never got closure from him which is probably the reason why I'm still pinning over him. This situation is unbelievably unhealthy as no matter where I move or how active I am, he's haunts my memory as soon as the pace gets slower. It's as though I need 24/7 mental stimulation otherwise I start obsessing all over again.

What's even worse is that no matter who I date, I'm not 100% involved with the person because he's the first thing I think of in the morning and the last at night. I just isn't right. I don't understand why I can't seem to be able to move on. It's been a year. Everytime I think I'm doing okay and moving on, something brings me back at square one.

I understand that sometimes it's hard to move on, but my situation is very extreme. I don't understand why my feelings just won't fade away. I met him two years ago and I feel as though these feelings are getting stronger instead of dissipating. This whole thing makes no sense whatsoever.

IP: Logged

ikja
Knowflake

Posts: 1485
From: London, UK (GMT - 5 hours ahead)
Registered: Oct 2014

posted February 28, 2015 03:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ikja     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The only reason why I am writing so extensively about this is because I can totally relate. I guess, as I am giving you advice, I am taking some of it on board as well.

If you feel that strongly about this guy, I am more persuaded for you to reach out to experience what is on the other side of that text. I still think that it will not be healthy for you to do so, but I think that you are like me in the sense that you need the CLOSURE or in my case the FINAL "insult" to let go to a point where you are ok with not talking. My situation began in Apr 2013, ended in Sept 2013 and continued until Jan 2015. I still love him a lot, would like to rekindle someday, but a lot has happened and I doubtful that it can be resolved as I don't think he will ever be able to apologise or acknowledge his **** in a way that will enable me to open up again.

It took me a long time to get to this point. A point where I do not want to reach out to him - the person that crushed me and I think I had to go through getting in touch/feeling unfulfilled to realise that HE needed to work for me. I had to get to the stage where I realised that enough was enough and value myself more - refusing to accept any half hearted behaviour from him and/or any other man again in the future.

If it is still affecting you to this day, then I think you owe it to yourself to find the closure that you need. Even if it means going against what I initially said. Just please, please, please figure out what it is you need to gain some healthy emotional space and DON'T expect to get it from him because I can guarantee that he will not give it to you. Unless he comes back to you himself, he will not give to you what you need. Not at all.

IP: Logged

St@r2013
Knowflake

Posts: 2009
From:
Registered: Jun 2013

posted February 28, 2015 04:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for St@r2013     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Another thing to remember - the guy you are hoping to rekindle things with, or have closure with is the guy in the past, things have changed now, you are both not the same person anymore.

I had an issue with a friend and finally I snapped and told him I had enough and shut all means of communications with him (blocked on FB, Whatsapp, Skype). Two weeks ago I just kept thinking about him and the feeling wouldn't let go so I messaged him (at this stage we were almost 2 months without communication) - he replied and we had a small chat - and it was so interesting to see how different things felt.

I felt that in those two months I had so many experiences and I'm in a different place and same with him (he got a new job, he's thinking of moving in with his gf) so the conversation was nothing like we had before - it was a lot more shallow because of that gap we had...

So, my point is - you're still missing that person from the past but you're not going to get that person anymore... you've changed in this time apart and so has he.

IP: Logged

IntuitiveJ
Knowflake

Posts: 828
From:
Registered: Dec 2013

posted February 28, 2015 09:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IntuitiveJ     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi MineAgain-
Your story is eerily familiar to me. My own situation wasn't the exact same context (because the guy I obsessed over for 2 years) did reach out on occasion with flirtatious text where my responses would boost his ego- but no matter how much time seemed to pass or how badly he treated (or ignored!) me- I always felt connected & like I was never going to be able to move on. I call it a soul connection as silly as that may sound- but from first eye lock I felt something intense with him that I had never felt before. I thought of him first thing in the morning & last thing at night. I was the one reaching out to him 80% of the time- it got super frustrating & also didn't help that 95% of psychic readings I was getting saw us together- time frames varied but i got fed tremendous false hope. Awful.
Anyway- it took a couple of pretty rude incidences on his part for me to finally surrender my energy & a whole lot of tears & praying for peace within my heart & mind over him.
Guess what? I have moved on & have a new man in my life (when I never thought I could so much as look at anyone else) because the connection I had with this man was so obsessive & intense. But I had to rebuild my own self esteem/worth & indirectly he helped me do it. By finally saying "I'm better then this. No one gets to ignore me & the kind of person I am. I'm wayyyyy too good for this." Sounds conceited but I was selling myself way short because I knew deep down this man did not love me and respect me.
So now I am with someone who does. I'm extremely happy & satisfied. Yes....I STILL think about that connection & muse over the WHY? But it was unhealthy in so many ways.
I don't think reaching out to him is bad if your heart tells you to.
But accept whatever answer he chooses to give back whether it's an ignore or starting a conversation. Go in knowing you're writing for YOU- not him.
Best of luck ❤️

IP: Logged

ikja
Knowflake

Posts: 1485
From: London, UK (GMT - 5 hours ahead)
Registered: Oct 2014

posted February 28, 2015 10:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ikja     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I love your story IJ. Thank you for sharing xxx

IP: Logged

MineAgain
Knowflake

Posts: 1600
From: Dreaming of you
Registered: Nov 2013

posted March 01, 2015 04:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MineAgain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yes, it is true that we probably have changed a lot since last year. Looking back, if I had my act together last year, I wouldn't have dated him at all. This is one thing I'm sure of.

I found out he recently got a job in France (which means he's coming back - because he's in the US right now) which is also the reason which prompted me to contemplate sending him birthday greetings.


I'm very conflicted on this matter. It's definitely not easy to assess things correctly when you're infatuated with someone.

I can't distinguish if I want to contact him to give myself some closure or because I still want to date him.

IP: Logged

IntuitiveJ
Knowflake

Posts: 828
From:
Registered: Dec 2013

posted March 01, 2015 07:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for IntuitiveJ     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by ikja:
I love your story IJ. Thank you for sharing xxx

Thank you

It feels good to finally put the obsessive feelings away. I still think of him & wonder tho. Sometimes connections like these affect one person so strongly & the other with just not as much impact. It took a solid two years- and it makes me so sad to keep reading on this board about people spending hard earned $ with psychics to be given false hope or keep them "waiting".
If he's not intersted you'll know.
If he's not calling, texting, wanting to see you- he's simply not interested.
Two years and thousands of wasted dollars later I assure all of you it's the truth.

IP: Logged

ikja
Knowflake

Posts: 1485
From: London, UK (GMT - 5 hours ahead)
Registered: Oct 2014

posted March 03, 2015 03:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ikja     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Let us know what you decide to do and how it unfolds MA x

IP: Logged


This topic is 2 pages long:   1  2 

All times are Eastern Standard Time

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Administrative Options: Close Topic | Archive/Move | Delete Topic
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
Hop to:

Contact Us | Linda-Goodman.com

Copyright 2000-2015

Powered by Infopop www.infopop.com © 2000
Ultimate Bulletin Board 5.46a