posted April 15, 2015 12:12 AM
Also this could help him achieve a more positive mindset what I do is focus on a topic for three or four days but he can choose one to focus on each week:
All or Nothing Thinking
Sometimes called ‘black and white thinking’, this is when we imagine that "nothing" will ever go well again, or that "everything" or "everybody" is wrong with the world and it will "never" be ok.
Over-generalising
This is when we draw broad generalised conclusions or when we see single events as a general rule. When we hear people saying "most people are..." or "people think..." or "people like that act such and such way".
Like black and white thinking, it is a habit that can be broken with self questioning - "do I really know what most people are thinking?", because really, our logical minds can over-rule and calm the over-generalising mind.
Mental Filters
This is when we tend to only hear evidence that supports an existing bias. So we might only notice our faults or peoples criticisms of us, and dismiss compliments... or dismiss criticisms and only believe in those that tell us what makes us feel good.
This is the person that you say "you sang the song beautifully" and rather than accept the compliment, they will reply "I missed a note, it was dreadful."
A first step (and I've done this one myself) is to learn to simply say 'thank you' and take some time with a comment, rather than dismiss it straight away.
Jumping to Conclusions
There are two types of jumping to conclusions:
Mind reading: Thinking you know what others are thinking. “He thinks I'm stupid”
And predicting the future: “If I say something, he'll just laugh at it.”
This style of thinking can be very limiting, because they excuse us from giving something a try, or from getting to know people. Sometimes we need to take the risk.
Magnification
Again, there are two types of magnification. It is when we take ideas or feelings to the extreme.
Catastrophising is when we Blow things up out of proportion. “He was hours late (15 minutes), in that area people are murdered every night, it was the most terrifying experience of my life, I thought I'd never get out alive.”
Minimising is the opposite, it is when we inappropriately dismiss the seriousness of something or making it seem unimportant. “It was nothing, just a silly argument” (He broke your arm and three ribs)
Emotional Reasoning
This is when we assume that because we feel a certain way, it must be true.
"I am afraid, so it must be dangerous." "I love him, so he must be loveable"... or one for SF "I feel negative about them, so they must be a negative person"
Both magnification and emotional reasoning can benefit from allowing the objective mind to self question the emotional mind.
Critical projection
Using critical words like ‘should’, ‘must’, or ‘ought’ sets us up to fail in ultimate perfection.
These are often habitual words, but when we catch ourselves using them, it is helpful to try to change them to words that allow us to see possibilities... "this might work for me" or "I could try this"
Labelling
Assigning labels to ourselves or other people.
I’m stupid. I’m completely useless. They’re such an idiot.
Labels are unhelpful because they are often defining of a person, rather than an action - an intelligent person may change a useless idea. But if they believe they are useless, there appears to be no possibility that they could try something different.
Personalisation
Blaming yourself or taking responsibility for something that wasn’t completely your fault. Or conversely, blaming other people for something that was your fault.
I had posted this in another thread but I want to help!