posted May 20, 2015 02:38 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by blindpainter:
Sooo, id appreciate any advice on my q's....i dunno where to start so ill just dive in...awhile ago my bf found a ring at work that belonged to his female co worker when he returned it the woman asked if she could hug him and he didnt answer her and she hugged him anyway....now i know i am a jealous lover but i feel like its really inappropriate that she hugged him and shouldnt he have said no dont hug me or something like that? So now i am always questioning if his co workers have feelings for him its not that i dont trust him but i really dont trust other women. From this im always worried that some woman will try and kiss him and he will do nothing to stop it...thats what he did with the hug...also in our first year of dateing this guy at a party gave me a hug goodbye and my bf looked all angry at the guy and pulled me close to him...i just get so angry thinking about some woman hugging my guy! Ergh! We have been dateing for almost 3 years and live together, he doesnt seem to understand when i say i trust him but not the women...Am i wrong to feel this way? Shouldnt he have not let that happen? Am i just too jealous and over reacting?

Question id appreciate a reading for: is someone from his work interested in him romantically? I understand if you dont want to do a reading on this q.

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Okay, first let me say this: I am notorious for being fiercely supportive and doing the very best I can do to empower anyone who asks for a reading or advice if I feel called to respond to a request.

All of that said, I'm going to give you a little mom advice here blindpainter. It will sound harsh, but I promise you, I mean it in the very best way...

It's not at all 'inappropriate' that she hugged him out of a sense of deep gratitude and elation at him having found her ring. She was glad to have it back, he was the one who found and returned it. That's all.

That you don't value yourself enough in your role in your relationship to believe that you're better than for potential of the first (or any) random hug to somehow whisk him out of your arms is not her (or any other woman's) cross to bear.

That you say you "trust him, but not" virtually every woman he, you or the both of you may know is a self-perpetuated logical fallacy - there is one single common denominator in any given scenario you could possibly dream up regarding he and any woman, and that is him. That's not to say at all that he's screwing around or anything of the sort - I don't feel that.

Jealousy like you've described it here is not healthy. Not for you, not for him, not for anyone. It's a slippery slope which leads, invariably, to fragile, fractured connection...which leads inevitably to heartbreak - even if you were to remain together for the rest of your lives. Stop it.

I don't want to hear, "But..." There is no but. Stop twisting yourself up and destroying your relationship at a slow, hot burn. Both of you.

No, I don't feel like anyone who works with him has a crush on him, wants to bed him, wants to steal him away from you, wants to marry him and have his babies, etc., etc., etc... stop tormenting yourself and torturing your relationship with such destructive thoughts.

I realize how difficult some feelings are to transfer effectively between physical presence, which encompasses eye contact and body language, to print, so let me assure you again that I'm not trying to be harsh, just frank.

Get mad at me for a minute if you want, that's fine. But once you're over being mad, come back and read this; then really think about what I'm saying. Then take the steps to make yourself and your relationship(s) healthier. You'll feel better for it and you'll be better for it, I promise.

Sent with ,
LT