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Author Topic:   Inner conflict
Solar_Leo_Queen
Knowflake

Posts: 2408
From: Planet Earth
Registered: Jan 2014

posted November 13, 2015 09:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Solar_Leo_Queen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hello LL folks,

So there's this thing that's been bothering me for a while now. I feel like I have some kind if inner conflict within me, I can't even resolve it on my own. I'm too lazy to go to my university's therapy center, so I figured I'd come here instead. I've just been more comfortable staying online lately. LL has been of a great help to me during tough times.

I'm not upset or anything, I'm just a little confused about myself. I have this strong push-and-pull thing going on inside of me between wanting to be left alone to focus on doing my own thing and wanting to be out socializing with other people.

I used to be such a social butterfly but then since the stuff that happened to me last year (family/relationship drama), I have been a little more reserved. I moved to another school and I only had a few friends who I didn't even hang out with that much outside of school. For the past year now, I have deprived myself of social interaction, which a person my age really needs.

I've partied a lot since I started college, but I still feel unfulfilled in the friendships department. I know a couple people I've met through those parties and some I even call friends (about 3 of them), but even to them, I still feel sorta closed off. The people I meet are also way different from me so I don't always feel a connection with the new acquaintances I make.

I actually enjoy the amount of time I spend on my own, but there are some instances where I feel like I should be out with people and stuff. I think I spend way too much time on the internet when I'm not out volunteering or working. That's all I ever really do other than study and party. I feel like I have become dull and uninteresting.

Aside from that, I do not really even know who I am anymore. I've lost my passion for the things I love. Trying to play my instruments and singing has felt more like a chore than a fun activity. I used to enjoy it a lot when I was sixteen. I would be out at coffee houses at my school or just playing at random places, not caring about what other people think.

I actually constantly worry about expressing myself because what if people don't like the real me? This has always been the thing that's held me back. Some people have also put me down way back then that has caused me to stop singing and playing for a while. Sometimes, I think I just like being alone because I can talk to myself (not crazy btw, I'm just a Gemini rising lol) and be myself. Maybe that's not an answer to my loss of passion, but I feel like it's somehow related.

I don't know if anyone is going through the same thing or if anyone knows how to fix this, but I would be glad to hear some input.

Thanks

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Pink_Star
Knowflake

Posts: 63
From: Love and Light.
Registered: Aug 2015

posted November 14, 2015 12:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Pink_Star     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hello there!

I drew some cards for you and what I am getting here is that you are not truly perceiving the strength and power that you possess, that which results in you yourself seeing an ineffectual you in the mirror. Things may seem overwhelming, but you definitely have the substance to see it through to a successful outcome. I am seeing that you are giving your power away when you let others define you. Others should be seeing you for who you are, and not simply judging you at blank-point. You have to be independent in this sense and I feel you have much to learn here. I am also getting here that you have many unconsidered options in your life. As you stated that your activities seem to be rather restricted in scope (additionally because some of your previous interests are not quite so now), the cards are telling me that you have to open your eyes to these additional choices that would empower you. This means that you have to elevate your consciousness and mindfulness. I am also getting that you should, besides thinking of the above message, to give yourself plentiful time to rest and rejuvenate. You do not have to be engaged in something 'productive' (that which produces tangible results in what many term it) - but rather take this period of time to think through and engage in peaceful thinking. This will allow yourself to be open to the peace and love within yourself.

On a personal note, I am able to relate and understand with what you have and are going through at the moment. It might take awhile to turn things around, slowly but surely. I do recommend meditation during your time-out (something which I have made part of my daily routine during my own periods of transformation). Another important lesson for me was also that you have to truly live for yourself and what you think is right and works for you. When you do so whole-heartedly, take heart in the fact that the Universe will take you there. It's all about aligning yourself at that stage with what you see in your mind. Love and light upon you.

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