posted December 13, 2015 05:31 AM            

Well I didn't know whether to talk about this but here it is, in case it can help. It will be a long post, sorry.
My mother has always had a very nice health but she went through an ordeal two years ago. She detected herself a lump inside a breast. The doctor said it was cancerous which meant it could possibly spread, and she went through the established process: chemotherapy for some months and later surgery to have that breast removed.
She has healed from that, but the problem isn't gone, as her cancer index is still strong. However doctors can't explain why the index is strong or where the focus is, since all tests she's gone through are normal! That's why I ask for your help right now, in case you can help us clarify the situation. Thank you.

As for her marriage issues, I'd say she has had 'the normal', but I'm starting to think that the normal thing should be that through discussion the two people were able to reach an agreement and that they actually listened to their partner. Ever since I was 10 or 11 (I'm 29) I could hear irreconcilable disagreements, which slowly increased with time. I think there was more than met the eye to those angry interactions, though.
Now my parents cannot be together without arguing instead of speaking. And the worst is that they are so different that their differences are never to be reconciled.
That must be stressing, especially for someone who is healing. But I suspect she probably has given up on him some time ago, though.
She tells me (and I think she wants to believe) that she is with my dad because he is a good person. And I don't doubt he is, but he is just not the kind of person for my mum. They are toxic for each other.
I've talked to her about the possibility of divorce, but she says she doesn't want to divorce now while being ill, and I respect that, but I think she might be better off on her own. And first and foremost I want her (well, them) to be happy.

posted December 13, 2015 11:58 AM            

I had a friend pass away from cancer plus two people that I work with. ALL of them had anger issues. My friend had not spoken to her daughter in thirty years. her daughter made this choice. She had breast cancer. Repressed anger. Another friend had issues with her sisters. Her husband refused her to have anything to do with her family. Lastly another friend divorced her husband and was very quiet about it as if she was embarrassed. When she did confide she said she had forty wonderful years. In denial.

I have a family relative who is a Oncologist. He has mentioned that when going through a patient's history that in most cases there is anger. He, plus myself, really believe that it can cause and prevent someone from getting better. It really sounds like your mum is holding on to this. Of course I am not a DR. myself and don't know your mum's medical history but it could be a clue. Take a look on the internet, Sikanda, It's really informative. My heart goes out to you and your mom. Best wishes. Poochy