|
Author
|
Topic: Advice? I feel like I've lost the person I'm supposed to be with
|
happyaskings
Knowflake Posts: 1012
From:
Registered: Dec 2012
|
posted January 18, 2016 01:11 AM
  
I think I have lost my "person" due to his immauturity and inability to grow up. I do believe he has feelings for me and I have finally admitted my own for him. It's been four years. He keeps me at arms length, I believe in order to avoid any potential emotional trauma and because he has such low self esteem that he doesn't believe he deserves anything fulfilling. I told him that he needs to quit the pity party, pull his head out off his ass and grow up, I am forcing myself to move on. I know I deserve better. Still I am so sad about this. I don't feel like he is going to evolve and mature. I know I will end up with better but I truly believe he is the one. I'm very depressed by this. I know I'm rambling but I am hoping some one can say something that will help me make sense of it all. IP: Logged |
tinkerbug
Knowflake Posts: 121
From:
Registered: Jul 2015
|
posted January 18, 2016 01:45 AM
Hi happyaskings*Hugs* I'm sorry you are going through this. Four years is quite a long time, has he kept you at arms length this whole time or were/are you in a relationship that he does not want to develop further (ie. Commitment)? It's tough especially when you don't feel like you want to love anyone else. Do you feel like you have closure to properly move on? Why dont you write him a letter and pour everything out? You dont have to give it to him, just writing it out might help you release and let go. Do you have a hobby or have something that you enjoy doing? i know it sounds cliched but you need to feel good inside. You have to prove to yourself that you have the power to make yourself happy and feel loved. I hope you are in better spirits soon.
IP: Logged |
happyaskings
Knowflake Posts: 1012
From:
Registered: Dec 2012
|
posted January 18, 2016 02:14 AM
Thanks for responding, tink. I guess I should have given more backstory. We were together four years ago. He disappeared and came back after a year, ever since then he pops in and out every so often. We have NOT had sex since we were together four years ago so it's not like he's coming back to hook up. I have dated and even been in loving relationships with other people since then. It's not that I think of him day in and day out its more that my thoughts seem to always return to him, I miss him sometimes when I'm with other people. It's very strange and hard to describe. Very recently I did send him a letter saying all that I needed to say. There are many things that keep me busy but when things slow down I tend to reflect and think of him. For the record he is almost always the one that reaches out to me. I just don't know how to deal, I truly believe I have lost "the one" to his own stupidity  IP: Logged |
tinkerbug
Knowflake Posts: 121
From:
Registered: Jul 2015
|
posted January 18, 2016 02:56 AM
Ahh, ok thanks for clarifying. Do you feel like you should have had more with him? Maybe thats what keeps pulling your thoughts to him, the what ifs. Have you thought about not keeping contact with him?
IP: Logged |
St@r2013
Knowflake Posts: 2159
From:
Registered: Jun 2013
|
posted January 18, 2016 03:06 AM
From reading your message happyaskings it sounds like you've done the right thing. He may be the one but it's not the right time so he's not right for now... If someone will tell you that you should wait for him, how long can you put your life on hold and wait? Another year? Two? Four? Be strong, you deserve better! IP: Logged |
happyaskings
Knowflake Posts: 1012
From:
Registered: Dec 2012
|
posted January 18, 2016 10:40 AM
I do feel like I should have more with him but that's not going to happen because he refuses to step up. He no longer has my number because it changed but he still is able to contact me on skype and I don't have it in me to block him on that even though I probably should. I have deleted the app on my phone though so I won't be checking it as much. And Star I agree with you. I waited on him after he disappeared for almost a year and then he popped back in. After that I kind of realized that he wasn't changing anytime soon and so I began to seriously date again. I can't wait X amount of time for something that will potentially never happen. I don't even really have hope for this situation any more, it depresses me. I feel like while Im going to end up with someone who is good for me but that I lack a soul connection with. Like I said I am convinced he's the person I'm supposed to be with, but at the end of the day I've done all I can. You can bring a horse to water.... IP: Logged |
tinkerbug
Knowflake Posts: 121
From:
Registered: Jul 2015
|
posted January 18, 2016 03:58 PM
You're right happyaskings,
Good on you for moving on. IMO we can feel that we have the soul connection with someone, but what is the point if they are not here with us right now? *hugs* IP: Logged |
happyaskings
Knowflake Posts: 1012
From:
Registered: Dec 2012
|
posted January 18, 2016 09:16 PM
*hugs* Thanks y'all. I really appreciate you both hearing me out and offering insight. I know there are plenty of people here that are going through similar things. I hope we will all be happy in the long run. I'm gonna just stay self-focused and keep plugging away because its not like I have any other option. Holding on will just keep me where I've been all this time and I don't want to be stuck like this for the rest of my life. I pray that God will help me let go of this and move on. There must be a better plan. IP: Logged |
mooninaries94
Knowflake Posts: 42
From: Moon
Registered: Jan 2016
|
posted January 18, 2016 09:41 PM
I'm living a kind of similar situation. It's tough.
quote:
Originally posted by happyaskings:
I think I have lost my "person" due to his immauturity and inability to grow up. I do believe he has feelings for me and I have finally admitted my own for him. It's been four years. He keeps me at arms length, I believe in order to avoid any potential emotional trauma and because he has such low self esteem that he doesn't believe he deserves anything fulfilling. I told him that he needs to quit the pity party, pull his head out off his ass and grow up, I am forcing myself to move on. I know I deserve better. Still I am so sad about this. I don't feel like he is going to evolve and mature. I know I will end up with better but I truly believe he is the one. I'm very depressed by this. I know I'm rambling but I am hoping some one can say something that will help me make sense of it all.
IP: Logged |
Lindaland
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! 
