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Author
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Topic: I am in a sticky situation
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FruityLlama
Knowflake Posts: 797
From:
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted April 01, 2016 04:08 PM
  
For the last few months he has been changing jobs, house and meeting new people. He is twice my age almost and foreign. He stresses constantly about stuff which I understand and empathise with. I wait until he has finished work and reply to him when he texts.
I am more introverted than he is and find it hard to talk about my feelings but I am working on it now because I know that is a flaw of mine.
But if I try and talk to him about it its like he dismisses it, interrupts whenever I talk about something general, it's like he is so stressed he hasn't got the mental space for me. He is a barman by the way. I know each job has its own stresses and I have been there waiting for him each night to finish and listen to him stressing out about a new problem.
When we have our day together, he ignores me, talks on his phone to other people and expects me to just sit there and wait. He interrupts a lot and then wonders why I apparently don't tell him anything. I do but it goes over his head.
Yesterday was the anniversary of my friends death. I didn't tell him and I disconnected from all technology for a few hours because I just needed to and I am trying to find a way of dealing with all this by myself because I don't want to stress him out more- he told me I was not helping by stressing out myself.
He was ill the day before so went to bed early at about 10 pm though he didn't tell me he fell asleep accidentally. So I went to bed too and got up yesterday about 10 am and went straight out for retail therapy with my mum. She advised me to just disconnect for a bit. Came back about 3 or 4. I saw my SO texted me 4 am, 6 am and 12 pm, when he got up and he went to work at 5 pm. I messaged him at 8 pm when he was at work so he wouldn't have seen until he had finished anyway
His point was that I was offline for 15 hours and didn't tell him what was what, which I understand, I could have messaged him. but I thought about it- most of the time I was offline I was asleep like he was and didn't message him until 8pm. So really it was half a day or so.
I know I should really have given him a heads up but I didn't want him to act like it was nothing, which is how he treated it when I did tell him. He never acknowledged it at all and was just angry with me, Lorded it over me about he was feeling as per and how he was doing all this for me. Am I in the wrong here? I have told him all this but he doesn't empathise. I get that I could have acted better but for the most part I feel disregarded by him and overpowered. I am just a verbal punch bag almost. I am a good listener and comforter, but he doesn't understand that I need that from him too sometimes. He says I am selfish, stupid and psychopathic. He even said that I should be more understanding because I am into astrology and know what Leo's are like. He ignored me when his cat died, but was still online. I pointed out that I was disconnected from everyone, so it really shouldn't have looked personal but anyway. I am young. I get that, but he is twice my age and I am scared now that he will be spiteful and do the same because I know he can be. he said I shouldn't think about myself like that because other people can do the same to me and how would I feel. Okay fair enough. I feel so guilty. Am I selfish? I just don't want to lose myself and end up revolving around him. IP: Logged |
harmonicvibes
Knowflake Posts: 884
From:
Registered: Dec 2015
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posted April 01, 2016 04:19 PM
Is this same guy I read about 😦😦 for you??IP: Logged |
lilypad18
Knowflake Posts: 877
From: my mother's uterus
Registered: Apr 2015
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posted April 01, 2016 04:19 PM
Hi FruityLlama, I would like to give you my advice, if thats okay..I think this man isnt acting correctly, this is not how a relationship should be, and you are not selfish at all. First of all, Id like to point out the "you know how Leo's are". He is taking off all responsibility for his acts and kinda blaming astrology for his neglectful behavior towards you. Be careful here, if you are into astrology, you already know that Leos are self-focused people, but self-focused doesnt mean disrespectful towards other people, and less to someone you love. I kinda think he is manipulating you. He is taking advantage of you, since he is twice your age. Maybe you feel things for him, but for what I know, men who date women more younger than them, its because they want to educate these women as they like, I mean, they want these women to adapt to THEM and to their needs and lifes. Be careful, you too have your own life, your own needs, and for what it seems, he doesnt acknowledge these needs, or even your opinion. IP: Logged |
mar1982delta
Knowflake Posts: 817
From:
Registered: Nov 2015
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posted April 01, 2016 04:29 PM
No, you are not selfish, you feel extremely guilty without having to feel that way. I can understand that, I ve been there, too.
Relationships are meant to make us happy, so please focus on that if you can!
I truly wish you good luck!  ETA : I totally agree with lilypad18, too!
Plus I want to mention that I am a leo sun, too and although I have met leo guys that act like that and maybe some people consider me as self-centered as well, I don't think leos are so self-centered in general. They are in a way, but most importantly they are respectful and really giving, especially to those who care about. Anyway, he is the "bad"-unevolved version of leo I mean. IP: Logged |
FruityLlama
Knowflake Posts: 797
From:
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted April 01, 2016 04:31 PM
Harmonicvibes: yeah this is the same guy :/ he says he loves me and said that he knew I was pulling away because he does the same if he loses interest. Which kind of leaves me on tenterhooks because I don't know if he is busy or pulling away really y know. Lilypad: this is what I am worried about! I don't want to be manipulated though I get the feeling he is doing that. The minute I do something wrong he explodes. I know I was gone a long time but god if he was worried like he said he was I sort of thought he'd be relieved or at least more gentle y know especially as I told him about my friend who died so young four years ago. I kind of disconnected just to get some power back but I'm still a nervous wreck.
He said he was worried now because he thought he was a wonderful boyfriend, taking me out for meals and stuff which was lovely but it's not like he let me pay for anything so he can't turn that chivalry against me otherwise that's just... not chivalrous at all! So I refuse to be taken in by that. He said maybe I need more but he doesn't know if he can do that, which okay fair enough, but it's not quantity, it's quality isn't it really.. IP: Logged |
FruityLlama
Knowflake Posts: 797
From:
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted April 01, 2016 04:34 PM
quote:
Originally posted by mar1982delta:
No, you are not selfish, you feel extremely guilty without having to feel that way. I can understand that, I ve been there, too.
Relationships are meant to make us happy, so please focus on that if you can!
I truly wish you good luck!
Thank you so much I know well I thought if I try to focus on me and calm myself then I can be there for him later. I know ignoring him was bad but I think he just expects me to be there waiting for him now, like my existence revolves around him :/ IP: Logged |
lilypad18
Knowflake Posts: 877
From: my mother's uterus
Registered: Apr 2015
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posted April 01, 2016 04:37 PM
exactly!!! think about your relationship with this man long and hard fruity. Look what you are telling me, read it again: he is telling you that you arent satisfied with him as a boyfriend. how could you not be satisfied? if he takes you to wonderful restaurants and he always pays... can you see what he is doing there??? he is saying clearly: I am entitled to you because I take you out for dinner, you should be happy with me because I pay, so you then have to meet all my needs. no.... thats not how it is. If he wouldve said, look, Im doing all I can to be the best boyfriend I can be, to listen and care and nurture you, then that would be better, but you cant feel guilty because he only pays for your dinner... You have parents that can pay for your dinner, too, and they arent telling you everyday "after all the food Ive bought you????????" you understand what Im trying to say? Im sorry I find it hard to explain it in english IP: Logged |
mar1982delta
Knowflake Posts: 817
From:
Registered: Nov 2015
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posted April 01, 2016 04:38 PM
quote:
Originally posted by FruityLlama:
Thank you so much I know well I thought if I try to focus on me and calm myself then I can be there for him later. I know ignoring him was bad but I think he just expects me to be there waiting for him now, like my existence revolves around him :/
Since you mentioned he is a leo sun, I confess I am curious about his natal and your synastry, too. Maybe you could post them here?
Anyway, the most important thing is that you seem very caring, thoughtful and loving to him and you deserve someone who can make you feel that way, too!
IP: Logged |
FruityLlama
Knowflake Posts: 797
From:
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted April 01, 2016 04:47 PM
I might do that actually- thank you!I will admit that once I was really worried about him because his shift finished at 1030 supposedly but he hadn't messaged me like usual. He messaged me at 1145 or something saying that it was a really busy night and had just finished. I had been so nervous and was in a bit of a tizz but I accepted that y know he couldn't have messaged me really so whatever, as long as he was okay. I don't know if that's relevant or not I'm trying to be fair and weigh it up y know. ..
Thanks again everyone btu. I'll post the charts now IP: Logged |
FruityLlama
Knowflake Posts: 797
From:
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted April 01, 2016 05:04 PM
Sorry that took ages to figure out aha but here is his natal chart:
[IMG]http://i1339.photobucket.com/albums/o709/Fr uityLlama/Mobile%20Uploads/93955611-1617-44a8-8b88-5fb8171092ae_zps4drcvqu7.png[/IMG]
Here is our synastry:
[IMG]http://i1339.photobucket.com/albums/o709/FruityLlama/bff0811 4-11a5-4a39-b85f-a96c6f69fef2_zps0yhx8e2o.png[/IMG]
I am the Cancer ASC, he is the Libra ASC. IP: Logged |
FruityLlama
Knowflake Posts: 797
From:
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted April 01, 2016 05:13 PM
quote:
Originally posted by lilypad18:
exactly!!! think about your relationship with this man long and hard fruity. Look what you are telling me, read it again: he is telling you that you arent satisfied with him as a boyfriend. how could you not be satisfied? if he takes you to wonderful restaurants and he always pays... can you see what he is doing there??? he is saying clearly: I am entitled to you because I take you out for dinner, you should be happy with me because I pay, so you then have to meet all my needs. no.... thats not how it is. If he wouldve said, look, Im doing all I can to be the best boyfriend I can be, to listen and care and nurture you, then that would be better, but you cant feel guilty because he only pays for your dinner... You have parents that can pay for your dinner, too, and they arent telling you everyday "after all the food Ive bought you????????" you understand what Im trying to say? Im sorry I find it hard to explain it in english
Yeah I know, I mean even I am not that stupid. I could (and do to myself) say the same- I just make more effort with his christmas and birthday presents to make up for all the money he has spent on me. He says he makes the effort because he doesn't know what I like, but neither do I really given that this is my first proper adult relationship.
IP: Logged |
FruityLlama
Knowflake Posts: 797
From:
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted April 01, 2016 05:18 PM
quote:
Originally posted by mar1982delta:ETA : I totally agree with lilypad18, too!
Plus I want to mention that I am a leo sun, too and although I have met leo guys that act like that and maybe some people consider me as self-centered as well, I don't think leos are so self-centered in general. They are in a way, but most importantly they are respectful and really giving, especially to those who care about. Anyway, he is the "bad"-unevolved version of leo I mean. [/B]
Oh he has his good points which are generally all the nice things about Leo suns. Not sure if it is Leo sun, or some other placements because he does not understand the emotional dynamics really. He needs an explanation that he considers valid otherwise its like I have no right to feel anything  but he can be a sweetheart too
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