Author
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Topic: Looking for an Ounce of Hope
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CupOfDavid Knowflake Posts: 362 From: Canada Registered: Jun 2013
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posted April 20, 2016 11:10 PM
July 15 marks my third year with clinical depression, and I have worked only 4 of the last 33 months.I am 27 years old and have never been in a romantic relationship. I am tired. I am lonely. I am sad. I am so beyond giving a **** about my life that I fantasize about joining the infamous 27 Club (not that I'm a famous musician or anything). I have used astrology to cope with my darkest moments in the past, so I am here to ask for a reading to pump some hope into my heart. I'll take what I can get. Thanks, David P.S. Added a link to my chart in case it's useful to anyone. ------------------ Natal Chart IP: Logged |
Empty Spaces Knowflake Posts: 910 From: Registered: Jun 2015
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posted April 20, 2016 11:42 PM
Something is blocking you.Are you shy?Im shy and I know how this thing can ruin everyhing.Im sorry about what you are going through I had some dark times too and its really hard to get out of it but YOU will!Believe that
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CupOfDavid Knowflake Posts: 362 From: Canada Registered: Jun 2013
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posted April 20, 2016 11:55 PM
Thank you for your response, @Empty Spaces.I am more guarded than shy. I am a childhood sexual abuse survivor and have obvious intimacy issues, but I find it difficult to meet people in the queer community despite that fact. I will likely be depressed for the rest of my life, so blind optimism won't work on me, unfortunately. IP: Logged |
Gabriel Lee Knowflake Posts: 83 From: Land of Oz Registered: Apr 2016
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posted April 21, 2016 12:41 AM
Hey, Sorry about your childhood and the lingering depression. As for the 27 club, we are all worth something and all of us are unique. It's not your time whether you like it or not. You are likely right about the depression, you will most likely have it for life. But it will get better, there might be a few walls in that darkness that knock you out cold every now and then. (They hurt) There is light there, it's not blinding at the beginning it's gradual, one day you'll find yourself in the light and wonder how? As for the future, as much as you want that physical and emotion love in a good way (and honestly understand it), maybe you should focus on your family, getting support from them and supporting them, even to the point of having actual conversations rather than artificial encounters. If biological family isn't an option, then friends who can be adopted as family? Also if drinking and on drugs get help at a support group, they aren't going to help long term. If you don't have a pet maybe get one, besides the unconditional love to give and receive, it will give you something to look after or focus on in those dark times. Although get one with a personality that can be independent yet knows when it needs to give you cuddles and is compatible with you. Don't get an abused animal (nothing against them, they need love and support as well) but you don't need to see yourself in it at those dark times. Nope this has nothing to do with astrology, leave that to someone more experience. Just some general stuff from someone who has been there with the depression and seen the causes of some 'walls' in others lives. And there is nothing wrong with not having a romantic relationship yet. You are capable of love? Yes? You are capable of being loved in a positive way? Yes? Can you tell the difference between someone who with help or hinder in that area? Only you can know. Just don't get impatient and throw more walls into that darkness, cause again they hurt. IP: Logged |
Caprice7 Knowflake Posts: 468 From: Registered: Jul 2014
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posted April 21, 2016 09:26 AM
Hi CupOfDavid 😄 I'm sorry to hear that you are not feeling well and unhappy. I can't read astrology chart but I feel drawn to your post on feeling depressed. So here's a short lenormand card reading from a novice, which I asked the cards what advise it can provide you. Cards drawn: Heart + Storks + Moon In my opinion, I think it's trying to say that you should love yourself and not give up. And that there will be positive changes (storks) to your emotion (moon) soon. I hope you will think of happier thoughts, be with people who makes you feel good, and do more things that makes you happier. Change is in the horizon. Best wishes and get well soon :-) IP: Logged |
CupOfDavid Knowflake Posts: 362 From: Canada Registered: Jun 2013
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posted April 21, 2016 06:12 PM
The family bit is easier said than done, but I thank you for the advice, @Gabriel Lee.@Caprice7, thank you for the reading. Time will tell, I suppose. IP: Logged |
furrybunny Knowflake Posts: 1004 From: NYC Registered: Dec 2014
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posted April 21, 2016 07:26 PM
David I took this off bc I just wanted u to read it!! Hope you're doing super well!!IP: Logged |
CupOfDavid Knowflake Posts: 362 From: Canada Registered: Jun 2013
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posted April 21, 2016 11:08 PM
quote: Originally posted by furrybunny: I'm going to state the obvious that u have to love urself first before U can expect someone to love u!
As someone with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and body dysmorphic disorder (all thanks to one instance of childhood sexual abuse), I may never fully love myself by myself. Do I like certain aspects of myself? Of course. But I feel like I need a romantic partner to help me realize that I am indeed loveable and capable of love because I am beginning to believe that I am a lost cause.However, I will look into calling on Archangel Raphael. IP: Logged |
Faith Knowflake Posts: 17952 From: Bella's Hair Salon Registered: Jul 2011
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posted April 22, 2016 12:49 AM
HmmmYou have a lot going for you. You're funny, smart, kind....that is how you come across here. Why feel anything badly towards yourself? Are you physically safe? Do you have somewhere to go to recover from the world? Sanctuary. With your stellium in Capricorn I feel that your upcoming Saturn Return will be good for you, signalling a major change. Maybe you feel like you're in a rut for now...transiting Pluto in Capricorn making life hard. Maybe, if you can, just develop spiritual resilience through this crisis? Gain discipline with meditation, whatever healthy habits you can cultivate, as an exercise in self-kindness. And we are always here to talk to...it's not like you are really alone. IP: Logged |
Faith Knowflake Posts: 17952 From: Bella's Hair Salon Registered: Jul 2011
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posted April 22, 2016 08:56 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4098r0m9dvI IP: Logged |
Moonfish Moderator Posts: 5165 From: Tropical Ocean Registered: Jul 2011
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posted April 22, 2016 09:25 PM
Omg, I am so sorry to hear that.... If you don't mind, can you list/post the placements in your chart? Do you have a lot of Watery/Scorpio/Pluto placements? My chart is filled with this, and even though I sometimes crave campanionship (Venus Libra 7H). I realize that it's next to impossible to give trust to anyone when it comes to my heart. So I generally think that I'm one of those people that is meant to be alone for the rest of their life... but anyway, sorry for rambling, I would love to help by giving you a reading on your natal chart or perhaps just a tarot reading? (if so, let me know if you have any questions) IP: Logged |
CupOfDavid Knowflake Posts: 362 From: Canada Registered: Jun 2013
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posted April 23, 2016 11:56 PM
Thank you, @Faith.I am the biggest danger to myself. Suicidal thoughts were rampant earlier this week, but have calmed down since the full moon, so I am safer now. Since moving back in with my parents, my sanctuary is, at best, a locked bathroom. However, with the weather warming up, I will be able to hike next to the ocean again soon. Though Saturn is transiting my Ascendant right now, I hope its Return encourages positive changes in the next couple of years. I am going to school for performance and communications media in the fall, so I feel like I am beginning to fulfill my destiny as an entertainer. I will listen to the audio you posted as well -- thank you. --- Hi @Moonfish. You were hardly rambling! My Moon and Pluto are in Scorpio, while my True Node is in Pisces and Chiron is in Cancer. I find it difficult to trust people in intimate situations, but can be too trusting in regular, everyday situations. I'm sure the right person will eventually come around for us both. I am most curious about my career and romantic life, but feel like I have a decent grasp of my natal chart. As I mentioned to Faith above, I feel like I am fulfilling my destiny in pursuing a career in acting and entertainment, and am interested to know how that will play out for me; though, I feel like I already know the answer to that specific question. Hm, what is the best way to phrase questions for readings? Thank you for offering to do this, by the way. IP: Logged |
Chryseis Knowflake Posts: 1180 From: Australia Registered: Jul 2012
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posted April 24, 2016 08:39 PM
Hi CupofDavidI would like to give you some support It feels like so many people are crowding in on you and maybe it is about expectations of self You are very sensitive and finely tuned It feels like a shock to your sensibilities at about 16-17. Perhaps you were trying to achieve something a kind of role or something to be known for and then the key people you had around you like a supportive audience seemed to shift focus - but perhaps they did not they were just questioning whether you were aware of them with more clarity or whether you were just lost in your own creative bliss Since this time it is like you are a dream ship floating and sailing on a deep sea and rarely sighting land - maybe just a few rocky outcrops to steer clear. The sky is light coloured but there is a vacant feeling mentally and socially. There is a deficit in knowing how to communicate or perhaps it is more about a resistance to communicate You long for soul communication without words and you hunger to be fully understood - words do not suffice unless you know you are already on the same wavelength Now, it is nice to be understood, perhaps You can function again, eat something etc Life is so profound to you that you resist communication unless it is really meaningful and true You keep yourself away in an image akin to an old castle house in an old forest. The rooms are large and warm and constructed of wood and well engineered masonry and design. There is a table that has a plate of small fruits and honey crumbs, laid out for the tiny small people that might visit from the forest. A maiden sits beside a stream nearby and sings to a lyre that she plays whilst her long hair trails into the stream. The notes carry away on the wind. It is an image from somewhere. You today, may now shudder a little and feel a bit cold with this turn of imagery. Too weird and spooky, where is this leading. I see that what can happen is almost like a crack of chiropractic realignment that needs to take place but it is along the magnetic fields of energy going up your spine and spreading from your centre. Like a whipping crack you can realign. You have a vocation and it starts very small, almost so small that it is nothing. The purple heart of your valour can be deactivated for awhile and you can use more practical applications within yourself. You are a great storyteller if you feel so inclined. Gather the women up in their uneducated bliss of corn meals and round bellies and brown thriving children. You can instil music with them in their community and this will give them a link between culture and the present day without having to feel disconnected from the richness of their own notes and still be able to maintain pride in each brown footed step in a time focused world that is crisscrossed by internet. IP: Logged |
Julz87 Knowflake Posts: 2263 From: On the Rings of Saturn Registered: Nov 2011
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posted April 25, 2016 04:10 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUEpQFxnsCQIf you ever need anyone to talk to David, my email is in my profile. I hope you keep on progressing David even if it may not seem like a lot at least you are still going...
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Gabriel Lee Knowflake Posts: 83 From: Land of Oz Registered: Apr 2016
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posted May 01, 2016 08:13 AM
How have you been?IP: Logged |
CupOfDavid Knowflake Posts: 362 From: Canada Registered: Jun 2013
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posted May 03, 2016 11:55 PM
@Chryseis: Your language is poetic -- thank you!Thank you, @Julz87 -- I appreciate that a lot. Thank you for checking in, @Gabriel Lee -- I'm doing better. I started exercising again and treated myself to new wellness products, so this week is looking good! IP: Logged |
Empty Spaces Knowflake Posts: 910 From: Registered: Jun 2015
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posted May 04, 2016 12:00 AM
Oh I missed your response. Im sorry about what you went through David I dont know how to help you but I hope that you have all the things you want in this life.You deserve to be HAPPY <3 Dont give up. IP: Logged |
lisalisa Knowflake Posts: 1291 From: Registered: Jun 2013
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posted May 04, 2016 01:18 AM
W/ South node in Virgo you can be overly critical about yourself. My brother has this placement and I often have to remind him to stop thinking he's not good enough..IP: Logged |
lisalisa Knowflake Posts: 1291 From: Registered: Jun 2013
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posted May 04, 2016 01:20 AM
I wonder how you look likeIP: Logged |
Gabriel Lee Knowflake Posts: 83 From: Land of Oz Registered: Apr 2016
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posted May 04, 2016 04:30 AM
That's good to hear David. IP: Logged |
CupOfDavid Knowflake Posts: 362 From: Canada Registered: Jun 2013
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posted May 04, 2016 10:28 PM
Thanks, @Empty Spaces. Yeah, @lisalisa, I'm definitely hard on myself; also a perfectionist. I'm dressed up as a character in the videos, but there are some older photos of me further down the page: http://www.instagram.com/CupOfDavid IP: Logged |
aquagembaby Knowflake Posts: 486 From: Registered: Jun 2012
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posted May 08, 2016 11:23 PM
We're kind of twins.I also have: -Sag AC -1H stellium (Uranus, Neptune, Mercury) -2H Sun in Aquarius -2H North Node -Chiron in Cancer -Pluto in 11H -Mercury in Capricorn Being a Sun in Aqua/Sag ASC, being engaged in life must be important to you and I believe that Sag ASC needs to be out there and just experience life, and by doing this you'll learn more about yourself (especially w/ your Moon in Scorpio that naturally seeks and attracts depth). From someone w/ a (kind of) similar chart, I can tell you that one thing that helped me is involving myself in volunteer/charity work. When I was 22 I randomly left to Thailand to volunteer for 2wks, then this past year I left for the Philippines for one month. I really felt "alive" during those times. I am currently involved in feeding the homeless on skid row here in my city, which is an equally rewarding experience as my out of country volunteer work. I also have Pluto in 11H and I really believe this placement has the power to change themselves by helping others. Generally speaking, most people will tell you that volunteering was a good humbling experience for them but for Pluto in 11H (especially w/ Sun in Aquarius!) it really is a transformative experience to the point where I am not the same person anymore and you completely shed your old self and gain a new perspective. I rarely speak about this as it's hard to put into words but maybe if you decide to try my advise, you'll understand what I mean. I truly believe that if you're feeling down, the best cure is to help somebody else out. Also, we are all responsible for our successes and failures. Be responsible for your own success and happiness today and start making a step towards a better future right now, even if it's a small step. IP: Logged |
CupOfDavid Knowflake Posts: 362 From: Canada Registered: Jun 2013
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posted May 12, 2016 11:13 PM
Whoa, hey twin!You're right -- I should involve myself in more charity work. Helping others gives me great joy. Thank you for the advice, @aquagembaby! IP: Logged |
aquagembaby Knowflake Posts: 486 From: Registered: Jun 2012
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posted May 13, 2016 10:19 PM
Good luckIP: Logged |
Gabriel Lee Knowflake Posts: 83 From: Land of Oz Registered: Apr 2016
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posted May 23, 2016 02:07 AM
How have you been going? Are you doing okay?IP: Logged |