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Author
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Topic: @losttarus
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harmonicvibes
Knowflake Posts: 1509
From:
Registered: Dec 2015
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posted May 07, 2016 02:09 PM
  
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LostTaurus
Knowflake Posts: 1669
From: Conway, AR, USA
Registered: Jan 2014
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posted May 07, 2016 02:37 PM
I don't think the two are relative in his mind. It doesn't feel like he "chose her over you"; but rather, that he had the time that the two of you shared categorized differently than you. With him, it feels like it was a casual thing. He walked away with fond enough memories of it, but no real intention of making more of them. I don't mean to be brusque, but I'd rather be honest than not and it's exactly what it feels like. :/ IP: Logged |
harmonicvibes
Knowflake Posts: 1509
From:
Registered: Dec 2015
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posted May 07, 2016 02:43 PM
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harmonicvibes
Knowflake Posts: 1509
From:
Registered: Dec 2015
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posted May 07, 2016 02:49 PM
Also leave your q  IP: Logged |
LostTaurus
Knowflake Posts: 1669
From: Conway, AR, USA
Registered: Jan 2014
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posted May 07, 2016 02:51 PM
It doesn't feel like what he has with her is serious, but it doesn't feel like it has anything to do with you at all, either - not after your fight, not revenge, not reactionary...just nothing to do with you. I'm sorry. I wish there were a gentler way to put this, but I just can't see it. It's not that you were played; it's that you played yourself. You convinced yourself there was 'more there' than ever was because that's what you wanted to believe. He was content to allow that for a couple of reasons: 1) early-on, he felt like you were cool to hang out with, and 2) he didn't quite realize the extent to which you'd attach yourself. There's no delicate way to put it: It's just not that deep for him. IP: Logged |
harmonicvibes
Knowflake Posts: 1509
From:
Registered: Dec 2015
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posted May 07, 2016 03:12 PM
Thanks sorry I'm just mess right now. K guess what I'm truing to ask it not coming out correct is I wonder if moved on from me because we weren't getting along he told me I was difficult impossible.One time your so funny and fun to be around but when you get mad I want to shoot myself. So two weeks ago we had that fight he said don't text me for a dew days I didn't bother him for two weeks so I'm so wondering if he went to be with her because he felt we were done or he was always just with her since he got back. I'm not sire how to say or make sense of what I'm wkbsetibg or asking. Thank you for your Help Lt I do appreciate it IP: Logged |
LostTaurus
Knowflake Posts: 1669
From: Conway, AR, USA
Registered: Jan 2014
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posted May 07, 2016 03:30 PM
I feel like they've know each other, probably flirted, at least since he got back - probably before. While it doesn't feel like anything serious, it doesn't feel like he approached her or she approached him relative to anything that happened between the two of you at all. People compartmentalize things by nature. It's especially easy for them to compartmentalize feelings around and about casual relationships. I feel like this is what he did with you, and it's what he's doing with her now. The difference is, she's doing the same thing. I hesitate in crossing the line between reading and 'giving advice' - especially in the cases of people who don't want (read: aren't ready to hear) what messages I'm compelled to relay... In this relationship with him, you were the only one 'in a relationship'. He was not. Walk away from him and this without further trying to figure anything out about his intentions or action - his 'whys'. Instead, focus on yours because that's your true path to healing: 'Why' you'd allow yourself to be taken in so easily. 'Why' you invested so much more in him than he was investing in you. 'Why' you're allowing someone rent-free space in your head and heart, when he never really let you into his at all. IP: Logged |
LostTaurus
Knowflake Posts: 1669
From: Conway, AR, USA
Registered: Jan 2014
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posted May 07, 2016 03:57 PM
I'm truly sorry if my words seem harsh. That's not my intention at all, ever. I just think that, sometimes when we're grieving, it's hard to determine exactly what we're grieving for and why. We - you - can't grieve the loss of something we never had. It's an endless vacuum. The loss you're actually grieving is not him. It's that you ultimately feel that you compromised your dignity and self-respect for him, without reciprocity. But you didn't lose it; you just misplaced it. Once you're able to admit that yourself and own it, then you can begin to heal and take from this the lessons which were intended. The lessons don't lay with him; they lay with you.  IP: Logged |
harmonicvibes
Knowflake Posts: 1509
From:
Registered: Dec 2015
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posted May 07, 2016 04:19 PM
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harmonicvibes
Knowflake Posts: 1509
From:
Registered: Dec 2015
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posted May 07, 2016 04:23 PM
I'm must be one who is too much to handle its always been my temper or aggressive sharp tongue that men walk away....I've actually literally had three men from my past message me. I either had gone on dates or something of that nature.
I guess I ft Ivan liked me because through all fights mean things I said...he would come back around so I thought OK he must care about me a little at least
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LostTaurus
Knowflake Posts: 1669
From: Conway, AR, USA
Registered: Jan 2014
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posted May 07, 2016 04:41 PM
I'm sorry. I feel like you're trying to get me to say something that I just can't; hoping, reaching for something that doesn't exist. So I don't know what else to say.IP: Logged |
harmonicvibes
Knowflake Posts: 1509
From:
Registered: Dec 2015
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posted May 07, 2016 05:21 PM
No I don't want you to say anything specific I think I'm just speaking of the situation cause I never really have to anyone the specifics the details ...or even really analyzed what went wrong IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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