Author
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Topic: Anyone here a really strong intuitive....I have 1 question for exchange
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tgem Moderator Posts: 4730 From: Registered: Jan 2013
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posted May 23, 2016 09:47 AM
Hi I need insight to one quick question please. I had a confrontation with the ex (JB.) I have been feeling he has been pawning our son off to me so he can leave work early (most likely to spend time with his new girlfriend.) I have suspected this for weeks and didn't say anything. Finally I called him on it, accusing him of underlying motives and told him I would take our son but would just appreciate him being honest with me as to the reason. My gut told me very strongly this is what he was doing. Of course he completely denied it and told me my accusation was uncalled for. So I have a simple question: was my gut right? Or was I wrong in my accusation? I can exchange with Leno. Thx! IP: Logged |
LostTaurus Knowflake Posts: 1711 From: Conway, AR, USA Registered: Jan 2014
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posted May 23, 2016 10:34 AM
I don't need an exchange, but from an intuitive standpoint I have to say you're right. That said, he doesn't see it as "pawning him off" on you and he doesn't really feel like it's any of your business why he needs the time. He seems really, truly to have your son's best interests at heart, even if he is still trying to figure out how to fit 'grown up time' effectively into the mix. His perspective seems to be that, with respect to co-parenting, the two of you are a team by necessity - feels like a conscious choice he's made, and it's a very healthy one - but beyond that, the involvement each of you has in the other's life should be kept to a minimum. This is also a healthy choice for each of you - all of you.
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tgem Moderator Posts: 4730 From: Registered: Jan 2013
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posted May 23, 2016 10:41 AM
Thanks LT, appreciate the insight👍IP: Logged |
Ceridwen Moderator Posts: 26017 From: Registered: Jul 2011
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posted May 23, 2016 10:48 AM
Hi Tgem, I am not an intuitive, but my instant thought was very similiar to the poster before.
Yes, you are right. He is doing that. He cares about your son of course, but he wants to have his own life at the same time, and might be a little selfish in building this. Though I STRONGLY feel he wants his son to be a part of his life, too, he just has some problem how to fit all of this together. I also feel like he probably does not want to have too close interaction with you, at least not at the current time; maybe this will change over time, but right now he seems to be in a phase of figuring out how to re-shape his life. That is just a thought, of course, Maybe I am totally wrong. IP: Logged |
tgem Moderator Posts: 4730 From: Registered: Jan 2013
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posted May 23, 2016 10:59 AM
Thanks all, well I absolutely don't want much contact with him that's for sure. And I'm all about exchanging favors and co-parenting nicely. I didn't acccuse him of wanting to spend time with his GF at all (although that's what I know he's doing) my response was telling him just to be honest with me and say he would like to leave work a little early...can he drop our son off a little early? Instead of manipulating the situation. I would have said "yes" like I always do...regardless. My thing is just don't lie about it and say the motivation comes from our son. And then tell me my accusation was uncalled for when I know darn well I was right. I don't need details about his personal life nor do I want them. Just honest communication with no underlying motives because that's when it gets ugly. IP: Logged |
Ceridwen Moderator Posts: 26017 From: Registered: Jul 2011
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posted May 23, 2016 11:14 AM
Yes, I totally understand you. Why not just being honest? It makes things so much easier. And more fair. IP: Logged |
Sikanda Knowflake Posts: 688 From: 28080 Registered: Aug 2015
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posted May 23, 2016 01:04 PM
Yes, it seems to me that he wants to meet her. I seem to get a family scene (10 of pentacles), and a custom that must already have been established. I'm sorry to say . So your gut was right. My advice I believe he's not a clear or honest person, I think he will never totally tell the truth, so you should disengage from him as much as you can, live your life and center in yourself, in what makes you happy. And let him do whatever he chooses to do with his life. I think he feels like he owes you no explanation in this respect. HOWEVER IF his responsibility is to keep his soon and take care of him during that moment and he's repeatedly eluding it, then I think you are doing very well calling him off about it. Don't feel bad, because your gut was right.IP: Logged |
tgem Moderator Posts: 4730 From: Registered: Jan 2013
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posted May 23, 2016 03:19 PM
Thanks so much; please leave a question for me if you'd like an exchange IP: Logged |