Lindaland
  Personal Readings
  Will this anger ever go away?

Post New Topic  Post A Reply
profile | register | preferences | faq

UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! next newest topic | next oldest topic
Author Topic:   Will this anger ever go away?
MillyX
Knowflake

Posts: 2073
From: canada
Registered: Feb 2012

posted January 26, 2017 01:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MillyX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If anyone is able to give me some type of reading, I'd appreciate it. I don't talk to this 'ex' of mine anymore. His name is Sean, absolutely not in my life no contact either. I want to move on with my life but there is this anger inside of me that won't leave. It's like there's this part of me that wants revenge, i know its not healthy but part of me feels like justice has not been served and that he got away with being emotionally and mentally abusive with me by just dissappearing out of my life.

I think what hurts the most is that he has no sense of remorse and most likely would never apologize because he is a coward.

Will I ever get over this or get some type of peace?

Some days im like namaste forgive & forget other days im like I'll cut you, you cant just get away with it.

IP: Logged

bonsai
Knowflake

Posts: 431
From: another place, another time
Registered: May 2012

posted January 26, 2017 02:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bonsai     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi Milly,
Sorry to hear that you're going through that. I can't do readings, but just wanted to say that while I haven't been in your exact position, I have been in a very similar headspace in my life with my first ex. I was extremely angry at him and he left me without ever giving me the chance to get closure. He also treated me very badly and just ran out of my life quickly. I felt that he owed me an apology big time and I thought I needed it to find peace, but I also knew that I'd never get it from him, which made me angry, because I too thought he shouldn't get away with the way he treated me. I felt that I let him off the hook a bit too easily and let him leave without grilling him nearly as much as he deserved. I'd go through phases where some days I was super angry and then other days I was OK, but then sometimes felt guilty myself (because he made me feel the break up was my fault when it actually wasn't), but I could never feel completely free of this emotional baggage.

Just wanted to say that it IS possible to find peace, and quite contrary to what you might expect, you don't need to hear an apology from him. He is not important at all, and he is not anyone to have such a strong hold over your life (even though I understand that he was the one who caused this pain in your life). It may be hard to see it that way, and you may feel right now that you need to hear the magical "I'm sorry" in order to truly find closure and move on, but you can move on without needing to hear anything from him. In fact it'll be even better if you can move on without his help, because it means that all the strength and courage you need to find are within you, irrespective of his existence, and they don't need to be supplemented by him. And if you think he's having it easy, trust me, he's not, or hasn't, or won't (or all three). He may not let you know about it, but even if he isn't having it hard RIGHT NOW, he can't completely be free of what he's done to you as this was a part of his life too.

Anyway, I'll leave it to others to give you a reading.

IP: Logged

MillyX
Knowflake

Posts: 2073
From: canada
Registered: Feb 2012

posted January 26, 2017 03:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MillyX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You summed up exactly how I feel...I think what angers me the most is despite all of the messed up things I put up with...I still have love for him. And I'm a bit angry at myself because I feel like I should be moving on by now, that I should be over it and I'm upset that I can't move on faster. My mind keeps ruminating over the bad moments & it's really unhealthy.

IP: Logged

bonsai
Knowflake

Posts: 431
From: another place, another time
Registered: May 2012

posted January 26, 2017 03:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bonsai     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by MillyX:
You summed up exactly how I feel...I think what angers me the most is despite all of the messed up things I put up with...I still have love for him. And I'm a bit angry at myself because I feel like I should be moving on by now, that I should be over it and I'm upset that I can't move on faster. My mind keeps ruminating over the bad moments & it's really unhealthy.

An all too familiar feeling. And if there's anyone who's telling you "Oh my god, you're still thinking about it?? You should be over it by now!!" Don't listen to them (I've had that said to me by more than one person, and it just makes you feel s***house). In my instance, it took me almost 2 years. It may take longer, or less time, but there's no rule of thumb, and I don't believe the "divide the length of your relationship by two and that's how long it should take you to get over someone", because then using that logic I should have been over it after 1.5 months! Different relationships, different people, different circumstances, different reasons.

It's a really uncomfortable feeling, and it can make you feel silly that you're still not over it after X amount of time, but you're allowed to feel what you feel, and you're not feeling it for no reason. It does get better over time, and it's good to find someone who is a sympathetic listening ear rather than "OMG get ovah it alredeeee!"

IP: Logged

Magikaal
Knowflake

Posts: 172
From: Oz
Registered: Apr 2016

posted January 26, 2017 03:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Magikaal     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi Milly
Sorry you had to go through this. I felt similarly about a couple of family members and it took me YEARS to get over it. And you know what, they never exhibited remorse. I figured out they had cluster B personality disorders and lack empathy. I don't know your ex but he may be the same way. I'm not sure, could he have been a sociopath or similar? Have you seen a counsellor? Would that help?

I just got a new deck (Doreen Virtue's Angel Therapy deck) and I thought I might pull a couple of cards for you. Text is from the deck. It does talk a bit about God/Heaven/Angels but feel free to substitute your own spirit or deity, whatever works.

I've put in all the text, but just pick out whatever is relevant to you.

CARD ONE: HEART CHAKRA – “The answer that you seek is in your heart right now.  Be open to giving and receiving love.”
The angels want you to trust your feelings.  Your heart is wise, and it’s calling for you to make important changes.  Trust this wisdom, as it won’t let you down.  Every time you defy your inner feelings, your heart breaks a little bit.  Repair your heart and your relationship with yourself by honouring your emotions.  For instance, if you’re unhappy with a situation, it means that something is wrong and action is necessary.  Ask the angels to give you courage and support to make healthy changes at home and work.
This card also calls upon you to open your heart to love.  Perhaps you’ve been hurt in prior relationships and are guarded against additional pain.  The angels assure you that they’ll protect you and your heart, so it’s safe for you to feel love and other emotions.  The Action Step below will help you follow through on all of the angels’ advice.
Action Steps…..Go to a flower shop and purchase one or more fresh pink roses.  (If you grow them in your garden, that’s even better!)  Carry one with you throughout your day, inhaling its fragrance frequently.  Place one or more on your nightstand to benefit from its ability to open the heart chakra.  When you can’t carry a pink rose with you, you can use pure rose essential oil instead.  In addition, wear a heart shaped rose quartz pendant (or place the crystal in your bra or shirt pocket) in order to help keep your heart open throughout the day.  The angels will surround your heart with healing and protective pink light, if you ask them to.

CARD TWO: PARENTS *Milly I don't think this is actually referring to your parents, it's to your ex who abused you. So maybe just substitute the word 'ex' for 'parents'. The deck does not have a card for an ex bf or friend or relative, just this parents card.*

The Divine truth is that your parents eternally love you to the best of their ability.  The angels are helping you heal from any pain associated with your mother or father.

The answer to your question involves emotions connected to your mother or father.  For example, if you're having difficulty receiving loving-kindness from others, the underlying issue could stem from unhealed emotions you have toward your mum.  That's because receptivity is a feminine energy, represented by our mothers.

If you feel afraid to receive love or feel guilty about asking for your needs to be met, then call upon the angels to heal and help.

With your father, the primary spiritual response is about male energy and developing confidence in your abilities to go out into the world and make a positive difference.  If your self-confidence is wavering, ask the angels to help you mend your emotional connections with your dad.

This card is also a signal that your parents do love you, even if the way they showed it wasn't fulfilling for you.  If your mother or father is in Heaven, then they send this card to you as a way of saying, "I love you."

Action Steps:  The angels will intervene in any painful emotion associated with your parents, if you'll ask.  Go to a quiet and private place, and say this request, either silently or aloud:  "Guardian angels of myself and of my mother and father, I call upon you now.  I ask for your healing blessings with my internal and external relationship with my parents.  I'm willing to release emotional toxins associated with my childhood, adolescence, and adulthood.  I ask the angels to help me trade any and all pain for peace right now."

-----------------------------Above text is from the deck------------------------

By the way, I think the 'forgive and forget' thing has been overused to the point of meaninglessness and the forgive word annoys me immensely especially when people told me to forgive my abusers. Yeah, right. Something helpful I read was that forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. My abusers never apologised but that's okay with me. I figure they're not capable. It's their problem. I don't think about them much anymore, just about how my life is 1000X better without them in it. And karma. Karma is a ***** . Have you read about forgiveness and narcissists? It really helped me.

Keep thinking about your current life in positive terms. Be gentle with yourself, it will take time.

IP: Logged

bonsai
Knowflake

Posts: 431
From: another place, another time
Registered: May 2012

posted January 26, 2017 03:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bonsai     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Also, just one more thing to add. Something that I like to remind my friends (and myself sometimes), when we feel emotionally trapped, we tend to be unwitting masochists and torture ourselves over what someone else may hypothetically be going through in their lives. If it's someone who's hurt us or who we're jealous of, we imagine that their lives are probably sooooo picture perfect and they're having a good ol' time and getting a kick out of life, and they have it all while we're stuck in quicksand trying to desperately save ourselves. 99% of the time they never have it as good as you think. And believe me, even if a person looks as if they've forgotten, you'd be surprised how much a person remembers, even years down the track, and how much they can still think about you in their waking life, even if your life circumstances are worlds apart. There may come a time when you hardly have time to spare a thought for him, but unbeknownst to you, he may be incessantly thinking about you and what's been done to you has caught up to him. I'm not saying that so that you can start hoping that this is what will happen and start dwelling on that hope, cause it's good to just try and move on with your own life despite that. Just something to think about.

IP: Logged

MillyX
Knowflake

Posts: 2073
From: canada
Registered: Feb 2012

posted January 26, 2017 08:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MillyX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Magikaal: Thank you! Yes he did reveal to me towards the end that he was diagnosed a sociopath and diagnosed with bipolar disorder by a psychiatrist. He was prescribed pills and he explained that he sometimes ďidn't take his pills, which may explain why his behavior was unstable.

Like I said, I always felt like his behavior was off but it was only towards the end that he revealed what he had.

I don't think he is a bad person per se, I do think that his mental illness & personality disorder colors his behavior and actions towards others. He also did not have an easy life and I think behind his cold behavior lies alot of pain that he takes out on others and takes out on me.


I'd say that at a soul level, my higher self sees beyond his facade & I still got love for him and weirdly enough I have compassion towards him.

I think in the end it all comes down to pain & how it is not properly processed. His pain manifests itself by acting out in ways that are unacceptable & mistreating others. And with me my pain manifests itself in anger.

IP: Logged

Magikaal
Knowflake

Posts: 172
From: Oz
Registered: Apr 2016

posted January 26, 2017 08:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Magikaal     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That is very interesting. And it sounds familiar.

IP: Logged

MillyX
Knowflake

Posts: 2073
From: canada
Registered: Feb 2012

posted January 26, 2017 08:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MillyX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@bonsai

I know for a fact that his life is not picture perfect lol. In fact I don't wish him hell because his life is a mess & I think he has been through enough.

IP: Logged

bonsai
Knowflake

Posts: 431
From: another place, another time
Registered: May 2012

posted January 26, 2017 10:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bonsai     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Not saying you should wish anything nor do I have any idea about his story either. I'm saying this with regards to you moving on with your own life. It is good that you wish him no ill will.

IP: Logged

All times are Eastern Standard Time

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Administrative Options: Close Topic | Archive/Move | Delete Topic
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
Hop to:

Contact Us | Linda-Goodman.com

Copyright 2000-2017

Powered by Infopop www.infopop.com © 2000
Ultimate Bulletin Board 5.46a