posted April 08, 2017 03:53 PM            

All she has ever seen between her father and is really bad fighting and conflict. He has her full time, while I love far way from her.

Since the nastiness from her, I have now started going to her father about it. He is disgusted with her and this attitude.

Maybe it's the Venus where some relationships die and just maybe she was never meant to be in my life. I did my best with her, only to be shot down, critically judged - that I was never good for her.

She conforms to and deeply holds grudges. She is not forgiving. She was majorly upset because I left her physically abusive father and opted to keep her and I safe. She said that destroyed her life. Most years, guilt trips from her about it.

I left her sister's abusive father and after child welfare stepped in and basically stripped me of my children, I left to another province to keep myself safe..... as well as my children.

I don't know what to think...... what is going on in her chart..... my friends say it's just a phase and she'll be back, but my heart tells me that she's gone for good. I have really no expectations of her ever returning back to me. (I dont' hold expectations)-

Any words of wisdom would be great, thanks.

Sag

posted April 08, 2017 08:43 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by athenaia:
Sagical, in order to save her chart, right click on it and then save it to your computer. Then upload it via tinypic or imgur, and then post it here. Directly linking to astro.com doesn't work.

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posted April 09, 2017 09:47 AM            

How old is she? I have three teenage kids and being a parent is hard!!!! The best advice that I can tell you is to go into Barnes and noble or the library and get you some psychology books on kids, adolescence. Even if she is older, it sounds to me like she is still dealing with adolescence.

I defiantly would tell her that your sex life is off limits and that you are sorry that she feels the way she does but you made the best decisions that you thought were best at the time for you and her. Ignore her rants and nasty comments, just keep telling her the same thing. Try your best to be in her life as much as possible but do not continue with her being disrespectful to you. You are her mom and let her know that you will not tolerate being spoken to like that. You are there if she wants to talk to you about anything other than your private life , if she has questions regarding sex ( birds and the bees talk ) then she is more than welcome to talk about that .

As far as her feeling like you leaving ruined her life, the thing to say is I did what I thought was best for you. I am sorry you feel the way you do and I love you. I am always here if you need me. No matter the response , kids in the end will value the fact that you are there and that you try.

posted April 09, 2017 01:15 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by athenaia:
Give me her chart details and I'll post it for you

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posted April 09, 2017 01:30 PM            

Her chart is not easy.

Sun conjunct Saturn (conjunct NN) - a very reserved person filled with deep insecurities. It takes her a long time to open to other people, particularly when it comes to trusting them. She has felt burdened by responsibility her whole life and it weighs on her soul heavily. While she's acting out childishly right now, she's probably ridiculously mature for her age and has no problem understanding adult concepts like isolation, depression, abandonment, introversion, monasticism, etc.

As if that wasn't difficult enough, she has Pluto opposing this stellium and conjunct her South Node. So it's no wonder she has such an explosive emotional life when she feels she's been slighted. Added on top of that, transiting Pluto is railing her Cancer stellium. So she's going through a deeply transformative time in her life where she's consciously aware that her childhood ideals and dreams are decaying, and she's in the process of morphing into a new version of herself. The girl you remembered is probably not the girl she wants to be anymore.

She also has transiting Saturn opposite her Sun/Saturn/NN right now. This is not a good time for her. I think therapy would actually be hugely beneficial, or getting her involved in a major sport.

posted April 09, 2017 02:26 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by athenaia:
Well there's no doubt she loves you - or, at the very least, is deeply affected by you as a figurehead in her life as her chart says it all: a Moon/Venus/Jupiter/Mars conjunction in Cancer. You're pretty much the foundation of her psychological landscape. Maybe she feels "abandoned" by you, whether that's true or not? And this is her way of letting you know that's she's hurt - by hurting you back?

Her chart is not easy.

Sun conjunct Saturn (conjunct NN) - a very reserved person filled with deep insecurities. It takes her a long time to open to other people, particularly when it comes to trusting them. She has felt burdened by responsibility her whole life and it weighs on her soul heavily. While she's acting out childishly right now, she's probably ridiculously mature for her age and has no problem understanding adult concepts like isolation, depression, abandonment, introversion, monasticism, etc.

As if that wasn't difficult enough, she has Pluto opposing this stellium and conjunct her South Node. So it's no wonder she has such an explosive emotional life when she feels she's been slighted. Added on top of that, transiting Pluto is railing her Cancer stellium. So she's going through a deeply transformative time in her life where she's consciously aware that her childhood ideals and dreams are decaying, and she's in the process of morphing into a new version of herself. The girl you remembered is probably not the girl she wants to be anymore.

She also has transiting Saturn opposite her Sun/Saturn/NN right now. This is not a good time for her. I think therapy would actually be hugely beneficial, or getting her involved in a major sport.

She has Pallas conjunct Uranus on her DSC so there's no doubt she's a wildly brilliant, intelligent person. She just needs some closure in her life and healthy outlets for her emotions right now.

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I cared more for her safety and well being than my role as a mom because I never had a safe and secure home environment. I wanted to give her the things that were lacking in my childhood. I grew up in a war zone at home witnessing horrific domestic violence etch. My home life had a greatly detrimental affect on me. Guaranteed, if I would have stayed in that relationship, history would have repeated.

Basically, I sacrificed my role as mother so she could have a stable and secure life. Her father demanded total and full control of her. Well, he got what he demanded and he'd better step up to the plate..... and with my youngest, things are very different with her after I left her father because I refuse to have my youngest to go through a like experience as my oldest did.

I'm a person of integrity and did what I felt was right and for the best interest of others cause I'm not selfish nor do I want to cling onto things. Safety came up as the number one concern.

Thank you.

posted April 09, 2017 03:51 PM            

My father did something similar with my mother - he had truly noble intent. He was a destructive person, loved me too much to subject me to his illnesses, so he took a major step back and allowed my mother to give me the stability he felt she was more capable of than him.

It's difficult for children/teenagers to understand that - but they probably will after 25, when their frontal cortex is done developing and they can fully start to grasp intentions and the long term effects on things and people.

Maybe you can get into the habit of writing weekly letters to her in order to let her know she was not, in fact, "abandoned" even though she she may feel lonely and lacking in your presence? It can help her feel closer to you and loved.

posted April 09, 2017 11:48 PM            

If it helps from my own personal story, My mom was mentally ill and up until the age of 12 vI was in a very dysfunctional home and went threw things that kids should never have to endure. My dad was an alcholic, my mom left him because he was abusive and left us with my grandparents to raise us. From that moment on she was in and out of hospitals or running away from my grandparents home. Which at the time felt like she was running away from us( me and my brothers) At the time I wondered why couldn't she be a normal mom. Why did all the other kids in the world get normal parents etc. Not only did I live in filth because we had no water for 6 years, I was picked on so bad by others. I was also molested from the time I was 4 as well as what I would call being torchered by a family member. At 12 me and my brothers were sent to live in an Orphanage but the abuse didn't stop till I was 16 years old. There is so much more I could write a book but thats the gyst of things.

Anyway, I still love my family, I just think their dysfunctional. As a grown up , I loved my mom but still never understood her until I had kids of my own then learned about mental illness. How I feel about her now is my mom was a really great mom, despite her illness she did the best she really could. She died from Aids unfortunately that some guy gave her. She had schizophrenia and I felt like she and I could never really have a mom and daughter conversations growing up.

Then right before she died, I feel like God gave her a window. I was sitting there crying telling her how much I loved her, how I understood that she did the best she could. She just told me how proud she was of me, How much she loved me and how proud she was of her grandkids. That I was always special to her. She sounded like I have never heard her talk before and then just like that she went back to talking different. Crazy talk is the best way I know to put it right now.
As a child , kids don't really understand things but when we grow up we learn so much because we become mothers ourselves, experience the real world etc.

So it may feel hurtful now but in the end, as long as you continue to love her , be there for her when you can be. Try your best, she is going to love you regardless.

posted April 12, 2017 11:39 PM            

It is so difficult deal with teens and I'm not into drama..... hard to deal with having anxiety issues.

And right now is not a good time because I am having a whole host of health issues that is greatly overwhelming me and I just don't know what to think.

I have been ill for a week flat on my back.... so the replies are slow here

posted April 18, 2017 12:49 AM            

Sending healing thoughts your way.

Edited- pls understand, I could be completely wrong - Pluto is about (2) from her vertex. It feels like the tower card. If she's a teen or 20 something, it likely is confusion in her sexuality. You are her rolemodel, she might be in some type of personal transition within her personal life. Pluto is Scorpio and sex does play a role there.