posted June 23, 2018 12:17 AM            

I dont know if its saturn testing me i started to lose my confidence i feel like i have no support in work and internship environments how can i feel good enough?

posted June 23, 2018 08:27 PM            

Saturn is promoting you. Saturn is working to UP-Grade you and get you ready for BEING a Full-Fledged Professional.

You are being given the chance to be a REAL (although what you say right now is beginner) Professional.

Yes, it might not be 'fair' that they trained the others more than you??, AND, TELL yourself you DO have the element of everything it takes to GROW into the position.

Comes with learning outer and inner attitude, and having yourself 'match' the demeanor of a REAL 'Pro'...

You are at Saturn's school of working on your final-product before you can let go of them, and really OWN your own competencies being a Professional.

I suggest that you begin to look at 'how' you present yourself, your outer look (Venus Taurus). Do the clothes you wear "look" the part that you want to play? Do you need to tweak your wardrobe?

When you look in the mirror, can you FIND the Pro looking back at you? .. Greet yourself. Practice BEING the part.

When you work, when you stand among them?
Are you their EQUAL? Do you FEEL on-par with *them*? (You said that this was their 'expectation' of you. How are you doing with that?.. PERFECT time for you to learn this *behavior*.)

If you haven't felt that way yet, then, "be" that. Practice. 'Hold space' Practicing it. Look in the mirror. SEE-Vision yourself as the "finished product" already, and 'fake it till you make it?'

… Any places where you feel you don't measure up?.., investigate this inside your own self-- with NO, with ZERO condemnation.

In a way too----
It's almost like what a younger boy or girl would do if they were playing dress-ups, and "pretending" to be "the part" they wanted to play.
(I notice you have Chiron Cancer in opposite house.)

.. You have an innerChild.
That innerChild thought 'authority' was being unfair with you, not giving you the credit you deserved?

Soothe that part of yourself.
Tell that part of yourself how special you are.
Tell that Child that your Future has EVERYTHING it needs to grow "into" that professional suit, and FILL it handsomely.
YOU are the Quintessential PRO-fessional!!
{Baby yourself, doing it as an exercise. Nobody else needs to know. Just you! LOL. }

SELF Talk.
By the way.... You ARE good-enough. Evidence for that is that you would NOT have been set-up FOR that job IF they didn't think you couldn't pull it off.

That's a Positive...!
It's a Positive that you have wide permission to make some mistakes right now.
Make them!! BIG ones, haha. Do it all while you're a rooky. .. Because, what you are ACTUALLY 'learning' is how to handle and recover yourself in ego defeats, in mistakes, in missing it. No heaps of shame/blame in that. Not at all … That's what 'learning' is all about.

It's an important skill, an emotional valuable lesson to be learned just as important as knowledge of 'the job' itself.

There are soft-skills learned, on embodying everything needed to BE a professional.

{In your posting, it sounded to me like a mild-gripe that belongs to some part of your parental past, still adjusting and looking to be recognized, soothed, and resolved.}

If you step back from it a bit-- and analyze it?
These bosses are your 'teachers' right now.
Calmly with compassionate detachment, observe your own inner reactions. Bring them and infuse this with the energy of Understanding and soothing.
.. Use a higher-brighter perspective that this IS a (cool) School of Professionalism (*spoiler* that you will Ace, hands-down!). Let your ego stand-down a bit. You are learning the inner-skills. Learning how to 'handle' yourself (and NOBODY needs to know that... it's all working within).

By your Saturn-Return, you will have been tested in ALL your abilities. You will have knowledge of what your strengths are, and, the things in life you will still need work on.

Saturn energy is pictured as a harsh teacher, but produces the Fruit of Excellence, once you graduate his class.

There's going to naturally come a day in the future, where you DO realize that you can manage everything they throw at you.

And actually?, that will subtly mean that *they* may have become more and more dependent on you to carry their loads, their responsibilities... their reputations.

Some day, you will be able, (kindly, of course-- well-mannered as a TRUE Professional would be), to look them in the eye, and (if they haven't already given you this reward in a few years) ---
* ask for a substantial raise {to prevent leaving};
* have your resume extremely well-prepared, groomed, already sure of what you are worth on the market.

Dream...

Too much hard work, and no Fun???
~bah--

posted June 24, 2018 03:19 PM            

Yes Definitely.... You need an activity that 'breaks' that down-cycle, whose intensity can be like blinders, tunnel vision; seeing ONLY in limited logical imaginations); spider-trap psychologically, that this is your world, and you are only headed towards the end of that world.
(I saw the post you made last night/early morning, and I was too sleepy-groggy to make a good response.)

I had an intimate relationship with an Aries while I was in college. We were in the same building, same peers. He was a piano major, on a path towards becoming a classical pianist.
I used to lay down under his grand-piano in his apartment to study my books, while he played repetitive scales, riffs, and patterns for hours and hours.
We became close.. 3 year relationship.
I knew his ups and downs. His moods.
When an Aries gets on a downwards self-talk track, they go for it with gusto, go for the noose with all the natural focused go-forward ambition energy they have.
Gently, with my Heart, y'all can be the brightest best leaders, AND, can involute and become your self-enemies??? *LOL/sad*
No one can stop you... except YOU-- because YOU are the Cardinal sign energies. You are the initiators, the sparklers, the decisive energies, the go-forward getters. That's the 'restless energy-force' of you.

You're not only an Aries Sun, but also have the Aries Ascendant, and a Mercury Aries that connects to your Moon, and sextile your MarsCancer {yod-Moon}. Your Mercury is in the 1st House... What you SAY (in your head) about your self.. whatever your 'mind' or mental energies you hold-space with, connects with a good portion your chart?, but is also a rudder that can steer your life.

Your Cardinal energy is on all 4 main points in your chart.

You're a Born Starter.
This is your ship.

Wow... a Scorpio Moon! … I love it.
You guys go sooooo deep. So very serious, with penetrating insights into people?

USE that depth not to despair and drown in your darker inner-emotional whirlpools, but while (or whenever) you are in that state, remember to pull something UP and OUT from it. …

You're a scout. Test and start things that you (of all people) intuitively know will Endure and Matter.

Question- Will you ever be happy and stable and secure?

(humor) Heck. You're an Aries????? *roll* *HUGE HUGS*
Where do the 'instigators' of the zodiac get the idea that they can just be comfy and not have anything stirring inside and around you?
My Aries musical-BF made the best cheesecake.
Yes, and he 'could' be a home-body, becoming like an Eeyore occasionally when he'd get mopey and depressed (character in Winnie the Pooh; I did my share of worrying about him)-- AND, people looked to him SOOOO NATURALLY as the leader of our pack. That guy could pull the group to action. He couldn't help it.

When you have leadership energies, you do (can) subconsciously(?) attract people who just twist in themselves to want to 'take you down' a few pegs. (Look at your Saturn Aquarius 5+, e.o. 10th House. … )
tMars is 9+ Aquarius, and holding-still, to turn retrograde for the summer. tMars in 11th can be drawing some fire towards you unconsciously. It will come back over your Saturn, then later, come to it one more time.
Each time a transit happens, you get 'better' at it.

Saturn at e.o. H10, into H11... I've seen Saturn 11th as people who are Builders in a Community.
.. I've also personally known some of these to have also worked with the elderly population, very successfully.

I'm excited about your chart. You should be too! LOL

You can handle this!

I'm a whole lot older than you....
I can tell you that day to day, life can feel sooo hard, so blocked sometimes...

Where you 'build' your Happiness and Joy is WITHIN. Find your Core... and Feed it with Beauty, fill it with the sense of Good you do in the world around you. With that Arian Bright Energy of yours, stoke your Life with everything your Beautiful Crystal Hearts can Spark.

Think upon others... not as your detractors, but as your opportunity to 'know' your edges better and better and better. Know your strengths, your own weaknesses. Work it. Don't 'accept' defeat as something that "buries" you. No. … Like acupressure works? … what doesn't kill you suddenly can bring you to a moment of Clarity in your life. Helps you 'know' who you are, what you're here for.

YOU have such Potential.
People who try to kill themselves, are only trying to 'kill' their past. And doing this, ensures they will never have a Future.

Stable? … (your Venus Taurus H1) (your Libra Desc). I wish that for you... For a partner who can steady you, and be there for you.

You've been without a relationship for several years now? …
Well then, CONTINUE in your singleness, WHILE you make steady self-improvements, getting a hold on practicing and clarifying your own self-vision.

With Neptune in your 10th …
Build a World within you, of an expression of Higher Ideals. Dream big deep dreams (Moon in Scorp H8), then build (cappy MC; Sun Aries) your InnerHome with Love (Jupiter Leo H4cancer). .. Start your own orphanage? or home-based charity organization? (just throwing out 'general' ideas... maybe help stir other possibilities in your life, in case the current situation on job got too intense?). Even build a 'hospitality' house-- host weekend groups who want to meet and make a difference?

(oh.. I'm just thinking partially of The Carter Center, who host groups like that. … Got their monthly newsletter today.)

Your Vesta Gemini in the 2nd...
Use your words and communications to form networks... Stretch your thinking.

Don't stay feeling alienated (like my friend tended to do), and pushing people away from you emotionally for too long a time. {your aspects}

Vesta 'dedicates' herself. You have her energies in a flowing trine with your Saturn Aquarius... strong ability to make Goals, and Succeed at it. Yes, it can be hard work?, and, you are aspected to be able to connect and 'pull it off' well. If you find something you can really put your whole self into, then, you are blessed. Concentrated ability to be Devoted to your aspirations, build your dreams.

There are many 'slices' of a chart. Lots of ways of looking at configurations.

Being an Aries?? .. You can learn to gain and reframe your lessons, shift how you perceive. You can thrive on 'square-energies' as your lunch and cosmic-exerciser!!! O Warrior Sign!! It's YOURS... All yours for the 'taking' the 'plundering' the initiating.

And, there's NO way you are 'getting too old'... My God!!!! You haven't BEGUN … There is soooo much more to your Life. You having begun to 'unpack' it all yet.

haha. BE the Pioneer.
Don't be afraid to Shine.

Story..
Decades ago, I had taken a drama class with an older celebrity actor. He appeared as a background personality in the story of some older tv shows. He travelled around the country, giving weekend workshops.
.. One of the advices I heard from him was not to hold back. GIVE ALL you got inside you. Pour out your full energies INTO your role, your character.
.. To "allow" the director to tell you "when" you are giving TOO MUCH. He said it is better to be 'too much' than 'not-enough'.

Be outrageous … (but also, DO gently be mindful of the reaction/feedback that others try to give you).

Take any depression you have (which is actually 'anger'), and go APPLY it, placing that extra-energy into something that will make life interesting (on the 'side' for now, since you need an income to pay your bills). Build a bank of memories for you, a rich bank of Experiences.

You never know 'who' you meet when you choose to volunteer your time, mentor someone, encourage people. There might come a time, some day down the road, where you'll be surprised how Good Deeds can/will come to meet you. (It's a small world. The older you get, the more it shrinks! LOL)

EVERYTHING you do, comes back....

As far as being able to 'predict' what will happen?

No one really knows that, except God.
Our lives are all intertwined.
And, at this time period in history, more unstable and unpredictable.

Astrology can clue you to a certain set of 'possible' time periods … And, things can happen that defy this. Anything can happen, at any time... and often in the most elegant ways, too. Ways you'd NEVER expect (except in retrospect, for some us who eye the charts). It can be 'easier' than you think.
Leave a possibility for that. *heart*

DO your part. …
Work on your own self …
Plan, and, make room that those plans can change in the twinkling of an eye.

Develop a Spirituality (Neptune 10th).
Have a Higher Vision.
Use your Voice and associations for those who are repressed. (Juno 10th)
Be innovative (Uranus).

And I don't want to neglect or speedbump over the fact of how bad you've been feeling recently...., and how helpless one can feel in that very REAL situation you feel. Never discount your feelings. You deserve to be heard, and Comforted, and be given much sympathy... Pain is REAL.

But in order to get OUT of that 'reality', you're going to have to count your Blessings, each day. Find Beauty, every day.

Play!!! O My Warrior...
Secret.. is to think of Others--
Make 'doing Good' a part of your life.
Let that Feed your Joy.

12th House Sun... is a placement where you eventually learn that you must have your priorities in Right Order, doing Service to Humanity.
Your house ruler in the 10th.

So.

I hope you feel better soon.
At the end of this year, Jupiter changes signs to Sagittarius Fire, and has 'come home' at that point. You have a Fire Jupiter Leo.

All these will be in favor with your Aries Sun.

There will be some eclipses in Leo.
Eclipses can bring sudden success too.
Will be in your realestate and romantic sector (children too), and, to your Career house.

I will be interested in what you choose to 'do' with your mentoring/and Play.

Think POSITIVE... It refreshes your mind to think and 'hold' the energy of something Good about to Happen FOR you... no matter 'what' things look like.

When you 'hold' the energy of open-doors, then even a shut-door spells Freedom and Liberty for you....if it's reframed (after any hurt is over).

Take Good Care of that Scorpio Moon, and your Wonderful Aries Sun (trine Leo Jupiter??!! Lucky Duck!!!!! haha)

posted June 25, 2018 08:13 PM            

Get more of that. … Innocence.

(music) It's You I Like (song & interview, Mr. Rogers, w handicapped child) [6:50] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BZlyxS37Kk

posted June 25, 2018 08:34 PM            

You need this little pretty face singing to you...

(music) When I'm With You (Shirley Temple, child actress) [3:18] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9o1_eC8kHc

posted July 02, 2018 05:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Loveher:
I like music a lot I wouldnt make it this far without music lol

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posted July 02, 2018 05:18 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Loveher:
I like music a lot I wouldnt make it this far without music lol

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It's what has gotten me through my Entire Life, also!