posted February 20, 2019 04:29 PM            

okay *takes deeeeep breath*

Yet another inquiry about the ex husband. Sorry guys.

So, I came back into communication with my ex husband. It was a length of two days. but since about mid fall last year on and off. I never minded it until now. Last Sunday, we texted through out the day. No harm, but I did ask in the back of my mind why he was texting ever so freely when he's married and has a child. Granted, he was in his garage half the day. I went along with it because we began reminiscing about the old days. In which I did not mind, even though some of it is painful. The thing that got my goat was that he was mainly focusing on how much we used to make out and be intimate. Even asking me for the 2nd time if I was single. I partly went along with it, but chose my words wisely because I did not want to make it become steamy by no means necessary.

So, we texted more into the evening he kept chatting about the intimacy and such. I felt a bit uncomfortable, because my mind kept drifting back to the days when were together and how much I wanted him all the time. I felt so confused and sad at the same time because I knew we were no more, and have been that way since 2009.

Towards the end of the night around 11pm, we said goodnight and I went to bed with a lot on my mind.

I woke up the next day and felt like I needed to tell him that our conversation was a bit too personal and I asked if we could chat for a bit on the phone. He said yes. I was nervous, being it was 10 years since I heard his voice, told him that I felt bad about the conversation and I wanted to respect his wife, eventhough he immediately married her after the divorced and got her pregnant. But I believe everything is within god's plan.

He went into this rant about how he saw no harm in it, but how he was thought I was right and that he needed to be respectful of her, and that they were in a good place and the fact they have a son. I felt sad because I let myself talk to him after 10 years and we have a conversation like that. I wanted to get down to it and gain closure, but alas, I got nervous and did not. He made it sound as if I was the scarlet letter trying to bulldoze on his marriage. I felt so bad I block him on my social media and tried to block out the whole thing.

I commenced to sending him an email telling him I don't mind being friends, but its hard for me to chat about things that were once so amazing between us. and I desire nothing but peace. That's all. Odds are, I'll probably never hear from him again at this point.

Where I'm at now is exhausted. I feel like I am reliving the year 2010 all over again. There's so many reasons why that go along with it, but its a long story. It was a dark time indeed, and to this very day, I'm surprised I got through it. Here I am still single, childless, and talking to my ex.....ugh.

So, what I'm asking is, what will come of this? Whast going on with him? and will I be able to find someone suitable for me?

I truly feel at a loss. I wish things were different and better for me.

Thank you <3

My birthday:

4/21/1980

His:

12/9/79