posted August 30, 2006 09:36 PM              

SALT LAKE CITY, Utah -- A polygon sect leader who has been on the FBI's Ten Most Wanted List has been arrested in Las Vegas. An octagon with a diameter of five metres was pulled over by a Utah Highway Patrol on Monday along with his brother and one of his wives. He went into hiding in May after being charged in Arizona with mathematical misconduct for allegedly using a TI-89 on the ACT. The octagon leads the fundamentalist Church of the Pythagorean Theorem (CPT) in Arizona and Utah. Octagon, who is reputed to have 70 wives, 30,000 concubines...took over the leadership of the cult after his father Octohedron died in 2002.

The 10,000-strong CPT split from the Geometric Union more than a century ago after the latter renounced polygony. The sect dominates the towns of Pentagon, in Arizona, and Squaresville, Utah, less than a mile away. Polygony is illegal in the US, but the authorities have reportedly been reluctant to confront the CPT for fear of sparking a tragedy similar to the 1963 introduction of "New Math" to U.S. schools, which led to Vietnam, Disco, and, eventually, AIDS. However, correspondents say the cult is coming under increasing pressure from authorities in Utah and Arizona.

Passer-by Edward Moron commented, "What kind of country do we live in where a man can't have seventy wives at once. This country is rapidly turning into a police state." This seems to reflect his last name perfectly.

posted August 30, 2006 09:39 PM              

NEW YORK, New York - A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes."

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.

[edit]Sources
Rene Descartes "Al-gebra:curse or menace?". Al-gebra and Terror Weekly, August 27, 2006

posted August 31, 2006 12:47 PM            

quote:

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As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."

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posted October 13, 2006 01:54 PM              

no arguments.