Lindaland
  Global Unity
  How sweet is this (Page 1)

Post New Topic  Post A Reply
profile | register | preferences | faq | search

UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone!
This topic is 2 pages long:   1  2 
next newest topic | next oldest topic
Author Topic:   How sweet is this
BornUnderDioscuri
Moderator

Posts: 49
From:
Registered: Jun 2009

posted December 31, 2006 03:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for BornUnderDioscuri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Not Interfaith, Our Faith

By Ara Katz

I met Zaher in the spring of my junior year at Tufts. It is now exactly a year since graduation and we are still together. I am from New York and Jewish, even a Bat Mitzvah (I can still remember a little of my haftorah if asked at the right moment). Zaher is Palestinian and Muslim, though non-practicing, as am I.

Born in Lebanon and having lived through a war fought mainly for religious reasons, Zaher's earliest memories of religion are of division and violence. For him, it is what many close to him fought and died for.

My earliest memories of religion are of time spent sitting with my Hebrew school principal, Roni Shapiro, after getting in trouble in my Hebrew school class. A typical misbehavior was to pretend not to know what the afikomen was (so the other kids could have a chance to answer correctly). I also remember sitting with the cantor during my Bat Mitzvah lessons--his voice often sounded like a pre-adolescent dolphin.

And then my mother died. Judaism was important to her and had been to her parents. But it didn't mean to me what it did to her, and I felt guilty. I remember her pine box sitting in front of the bimah (podium) and wishing all of it--the temple, the rabbi, the blessings, the rituals--meant something to me. Well, it did because I love her and she loved it, but I didn't love it.

I am in a relationship now, not with the Jewish medical or law student my grandmother down in Delray Beach would love to kvell (swell with pride) over around the pool with Florence and Sylvia, but with someone I think my mother may have not completely accepted at first, though I wish she had had a chance to meet him anyway.

And what does it mean to his family that he is with a Jewish American? Zaher's father is in the United Nations, and his immediate family is pretty neutral. His extended family's feelings, however, are a little more difficult to define. His uncle, jailed in a military prison in Lebanon for spying for Israel during the war, and his other cousin, a former Arafat militant now banned from Lebanon, represent the two poles of Zaher's family. Certainly, when I go to Lebanon I leave my Teen Tour Israel '94 T-shirt at home, the same way Zaher doesn't argue with my grandmother from Delray Beach when she tells him it is awful what "they" are doing to Israel. We do these things out of respect and can do so knowing inside ourselves that we are not going to change the world. For us, religion has come to represent a system of stereotypes and ignorant assumptions, set on dividing and justifying violence and borders.

But non-practicing to us in no way means religion hasn't and doesn't play a role in our lives, that it isn't a part of us, part of our upbringing and etched in our memories. Jewish culture in New York, like being Muslim in Lebanon, certainly brings along with it holidays and foods and days off from school, as well as opportunities for parties, fasts, and family gatherings. It is in the traditions, the culture of our religions, that Zaher and I find personal meaning. Zaher doesn't share memories of making hamentashen and potato latkes, of begging to go to the bathroom during the adult service on the High Holidays or finding out that apples taste good dipped in honey, just as I don't share the memories, food, and traditions he grew up with or the war he witnessed in the name of religion.

So, sure, we are an interfaith relationship in every sense of the word, a Jewish woman and Muslim man living and loving together. And once all of the Osama jokes and "are you a taxi driver" jokes have been exhausted and we are amidst family, at a company party, in a crowd, or just alone, it is very clear to which faith we belong. One that cannot recognize difference the way the world chooses to, and one that cannot respect anyone who uses religion as an excuse to create differences, divisions, and even borders, geographic or social.

So, yes, I feel guilty that I have not taken in and found love in religion the way my mother did. But in the same way that she found something to love, something to have faith in, and something to celebrate, so have I.
http://www.interfaithfamily.com/site/apps/nl/content2.asp?c=ekLSK5MLIrG&b=297391&ct=410307

IP: Logged

eatbooks
unregistered
posted December 31, 2006 03:08 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
it takes very strong people to handle a arab/jewish relationship...

------------------
your pain is my pain, is that love?

IP: Logged

BornUnderDioscuri
Moderator

Posts: 49
From:
Registered: Jun 2009

posted December 31, 2006 03:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for BornUnderDioscuri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ahh thank you my dear...it is in fact VERY VERY tough

IP: Logged

eatbooks
unregistered
posted December 31, 2006 03:21 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ive been interested in jewish guys in the past, but nothing came out of it, I think im just more attracted to white boys...anything that is opposite of me physicially is hot....

jewish boys like their girls blonde/blue eyed, ive noticed...

anyways yeah jewish guys never had a problem at the idea of dating me, I always wanted to find one to date....

------------------
your pain is my pain, is that love?

IP: Logged

BornUnderDioscuri
Moderator

Posts: 49
From:
Registered: Jun 2009

posted December 31, 2006 03:22 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for BornUnderDioscuri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
LOL none of the jewish boys i know like blue eyed blondes (i am one). I actually mostly whind up with Muslim boys. I just love and adore them (mostly cuz of my bf).

IP: Logged

BornUnderDioscuri
Moderator

Posts: 49
From:
Registered: Jun 2009

posted December 31, 2006 11:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for BornUnderDioscuri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
^

IP: Logged

Sweet Stars
unregistered
posted December 31, 2006 01:03 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
it takes very strong people to handle a arab/jewish relationship...


Not really. I know many people of that mix. Big deal?

IP: Logged

BornUnderDioscuri
Moderator

Posts: 49
From:
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 01, 2007 02:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BornUnderDioscuri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
No big deal for someone who isnt either of those things...guess you never had to deal with the looks people give you and the families freaking out...

IP: Logged

lalalinda
Moderator

Posts: 1120
From: nevada
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 01, 2007 09:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lalalinda     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
sounds like Romeo and Juliet (sp?)

love is love

IP: Logged

neptune5
unregistered
posted January 01, 2007 09:39 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Ive been interested in jewish guys in the past, but nothing came out of it, I think im just more attracted to white boys...anything that is opposite of me physicially is hot....

if you don't mind me asking, eatbooks, whats your ethnicity? because i'm attracted to those who are opposite of me, also foreigners, and whites, but thats mainly because of the heavy influence of my venus conj. juno in sagittarius and venus conj. p.fort in sag., and the attraction goes vise versa.

------------------
Virgo Rising 8'57, Sagittarius Sun/4thH 3'26, Pisces Moon/6thH 8'22

"Our passions are not too strong, they are too weak. We are far too easily pleased." - C.S. Lewis

"Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror." - Kahlil Gibran

IP: Logged

BornUnderDioscuri
Moderator

Posts: 49
From:
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 01, 2007 10:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BornUnderDioscuri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think its because of Saggi influence. I read somewhere that im very attracted to foreigners too true) because of my 9th house sun.

And yea Lala it really is like Romeo/Juliet sometimes. I know a lot of people whose hearts have been broken because of such stories

IP: Logged

Dulce Luna
Newflake

Posts: 7
From: The Asylum, NC
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 01, 2007 11:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I knew a Scorpio/sag that was Jewish a while back. The closest thing to a male platonic best friend I've ever had. We're both Portuguese so we still had much in common. He was proud to be Jewish, but poked fun at Orthodox ones for some reason (too strict in his opinion). He had gorgeous brown eyes


But back to the topic, I agree that it must be hard.

IP: Logged

BornUnderDioscuri
Moderator

Posts: 49
From:
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 01, 2007 11:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BornUnderDioscuri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
WOW my half Indian half Portuguese friend is a Scorpio Sag and hes awesome. A bit harsh sometimes though and does poke fun of others sometimes. And my friend has amazing eyes. Despite him not being my type i just adooooreee his eyes and he has eyelashes any woman would e jealous of

IP: Logged

Sweet Stars
unregistered
posted January 01, 2007 11:49 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't think you understand what I wrote.


I wrote:

quote:
I know many people of that mix. Big deal?


and you wrote:


quote:
No big deal for someone who isnt either of those things...guess you never had to deal with the looks people give you and the families freaking out...

Obviously they don't have issues with it themselves. Neither do their families. You speak as if you are speaking on behalf of all of them by stating it can't happen and it's hard when I know people who haven't had that problem.


At no point did I state that I was in that situation.


Maybe you need to re-read.


IP: Logged

Dulce Luna
Newflake

Posts: 7
From: The Asylum, NC
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 01, 2007 11:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hell yeah, my dude had some nice eyelashes too....just like his piscean sister's...LOL

We were totally like brother and sister and I digged that....even when he liked poking fun at me. (Virgo moon-sag moon thing; sag always gotta pick on virgo). The sag moon was pretty evident, not afraid to question anything....including Jesus and Christianity (understandable though, since you guys only believe that Jesus was a prophet). We got into some heated discussions over that one. But he was soooo smart and very rational must've been the fact he born on the libra cusp.

Yeah, Portugues rock!

IP: Logged

BornUnderDioscuri
Moderator

Posts: 49
From:
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 02, 2007 12:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for BornUnderDioscuri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
You speak as if you are speaking on behalf of all of them by stating it can't happen and it's hard when I know people who haven't had that problem.

LOL obviously im not stating it CANT happen since im the one who put up the article with the example that it can...i just said its hard...and dont tell me it isnt...i know many people in such relationships and its very hard. And you say the people havnt had that problem. What about their parents? Ill be very surprised if everyone was loving and caring from the beggining...and impressed

IP: Logged

BornUnderDioscuri
Moderator

Posts: 49
From:
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 02, 2007 12:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for BornUnderDioscuri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
since you guys only believe that Jesus was a prophet

Actually only Muslims believe that. Jews believe that he was just a Jew, they deny his devinity or any prophet attributes all together. Thats the orthodox and conservatives. I personally belive the whole Jesus is a savior/prophet thing. But my religious beliefs are quite bizzare

Yea they definately do rock! One of my friends from college is Portuguese (Saggi) and shes aweeesomer than awesome!

IP: Logged

Dulce Luna
Newflake

Posts: 7
From: The Asylum, NC
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 02, 2007 01:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Actually only Muslims believe that. Jews believe that he was just a Jew


Oops, I forgot about that! I must've gotten them confused. For some reson, I had it in my head that both faiths believed so.

IP: Logged

eatbooks
unregistered
posted January 02, 2007 01:54 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
neptune,
im a mix, mostly kurdish/iraqi though...

------------------
your pain is my pain, is that love?

IP: Logged

BornUnderDioscuri
Moderator

Posts: 49
From:
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 02, 2007 02:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BornUnderDioscuri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
wow thats cool I actually knew this boy who is half Iraqi half Japanese. Oh man how hot he was

IP: Logged

BornUnderDioscuri
Moderator

Posts: 49
From:
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 02, 2007 08:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BornUnderDioscuri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
OH wow I LOVE this article. Jewish and Saudi Arabian thats wow. Well you shall see:

Avoiding Bicultural Schizophrenia

By Shoshana Hebshi-Holt

Lately I've been feeling much like a circus attraction. Not like a dancing elephant or a tiger who jumps through hoops, but more like the bearded lady or the one-eyed monster kept in a separate tent. The freak show, I guess it's called.

When I tell people my mother is Jewish and my father is Saudi Arabian, their eyes widen in shock and disbelief. "Really?" they say. "Wow."

It's mostly the Jewish folks I've been meeting through my job at a Jewish newspaper in San Francisco who react strongly, but the strange thing about it is that this is a new phenomenon in my life. For most of my twenty-seven years, people, including myself, have not seemed to care. Probably because I haven't identified myself as both Arab and Jewish for most of my life. I predominantly considered myself Jewish.

Growing up, I was raised Jewish and practiced Jewish rituals. Arab customs and Islam didn't enter the picture too often, except for my dad's feeble attempts to teach my brother, sister and me Arabic. But as I got older, I began to learn more about my father's heritage. I met his family and learned their customs. My identity became dual.

Now I see myself as a Jewish woman who is also Arab and in touch with the traditions of both cultures. Sure, it's a rare combination, but I view myself as a normal, American twenty-something who is just as confused about her path in life as her fellow post-college working stiffs. I suppose it's the newsworthiness that makes everyone so curious about my existence.

Still, I can't help but answer these inquiring minds by nodding, smiling and then explaining, "Yes, I was raised Jewish. No, my dad's not Muslim, he's atheist." It's like a broken record. "Oh, and they're divorced." This coda sums it all up, and the questioning ceases and silence sets in. New subject?

On the other hand, describing my peculiar upbringing needs more than a cute, ten-second conversation.

I have a sometimes frustrating and sometimes unique perspective on Arab-Jewish relations: I understand and empathize with both sides. They are both wrong and they are both right. But they are so divided, like my parents, that most of them will never understand the other.

My dad recently told me, as we walked through the streets of my San Francisco neighborhood on a chilly spring night, that he was relieved his three children didn't turn out schizophrenic.

"Schizophrenic?" I asked, wondering why he'd chosen that term. I knew my older brother and sister and I had had a rough childhood adjusting to my parents' divorce, a stepfather, and my parents' custody battles, but I had never considered mental illness as a possible result.

"You were in a situation where you kids could go either way," he said, referring to the possibility of mental instability.

True, I thought. We could have gone crazy with a lack of cohesiveness and stability. But it wasn't a result of the divorce, but of our lineage.

I went to Jewish day school from kindergarten through fifth grade. I had a Bat Mitzvah (ceremony in which a person accepts the obligations and privileges of an adult Jew). I attended and helped lead my family's Passover seders and lit the menorah on Hanukkah. I eat blintzes and gefilte fish. But I also love Arabic music. I enjoy belly dancing and smoking sheesha (water pipe or hooka). I've been to Intifada celebrations and Arab cultural centers. As easily as I can say shalom, I can also say salaam, the Hebrew and Arabic words for peace.

My husband and I recently threw a party to celebrate my safe return from Intifada-engulfed Israel. We called it the Middle Eastern Feast, and incorporated Arabic and Jewish dishes. The menu blended the Middle East into a culinary harmony, which delighted my guests' taste buds. I did not explain any of the dishes' origins. How can anyone say that falafel is Israeli? I had some great falafel in Cairo. And hummus, Lebanese? I consumed pints of it in Israel. If anything can bring unification, it's food.

Arabs and Jews are cousins, they might hate each other, but they are so closely related that it only makes sense that their practices overlap. My identity is wrapped up in the blending of the two cultures. And it pains me when Arabs or Jews becomes so polarized in their beliefs that they can't see the other side. The only way we can get over our petty differences is to realize that we share the common plight of being human.

Recently, a co-worker took me to a dialogue group she regularly attends, in which Palestinians and "lefty" Jews come together to discuss whatever is put on the table. Lately, they've been discussing current events. During the meeting I attended, two young women of Palestinian descent relayed their experience of going to an all-Jewish summer camp near Yosemite to speak and meet Jews. Many at the camp embraced the women and asked them a ton of questions. A few were not so welcoming. But the two women had broken down some cultural barriers. They had extinguished some stereotypes. Many of the Jewish kids and counselors had not ever met a Palestinian. The women's appearance at the camp humanized a faceless battle.

This was the most proactive thing I have ever known anyone to do to help ease Arab-Jewish tensions. Meeting the "enemy" face to face, and understanding that person as a human being who suffers seems so much more powerful than marching with a picket sign and yelling opinions about the Intifada to passersby. Understanding is not created through closed minds. It's achieved through openness and curiosity.

And these people at the dialogue group were curious. Intrigued by my half-Arab, half-Jewish heritage, they made a special point of having me explain my background. So, even in this circle of those who attempt to break down barriers and stereotypes, I was still an oddity.

I've always passed between the two worlds easily, and I am now realizing that others do not have that luxury. It takes consciousness and determination. Those who are willing to do it are inching toward peace and understanding. But it takes time. And once these cultural barriers become more permeable, I will be able to walk into a room of Jews or Arabs feeling more like a human and much less like a circus freak.


Shoshana Hebshi-Holt is a copy editor for the Jewish Bulletin of Northern California and a freelance writer.


Shes gorgeous too. http://www.interfaithfamily.com/site/apps/nl/content2.asp?c=ekLSK5MLIrG&b=297391&ct=410303

IP: Logged

Xodian
Moderator

Posts: 275
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 02, 2007 08:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Xodian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My dad's from Saudi Arabia and my mom is Spanish. Yes indeed they are both Muslim but people get this look on their face when you mention pairings of different backgrounds. Ironically, my mom PREFERBALLY wants me to marry a Spanish or an Arab girl Lol! (God bless her soul, though I disagree with her on this )

Why should your background be an issue at all? If my parents didn't get togather, I wouldn't be here. Nuff said.

IP: Logged

BornUnderDioscuri
Moderator

Posts: 49
From:
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 02, 2007 09:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BornUnderDioscuri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ahhhh we are a new generation. I wish everyone thought like you Xodian, it would save me a whoooolleee lot of migranes that my wretched 9th house sun provides me with. Though from my experience Arab and Western European parents (feel free to correct me on this one) are more open to cultural differences if the religion is the same as opposed to South East Asian parents. Many of my friends spend their days in tears because their parents forbid them to see people of sometimes even the same nationality and religion. It irks me royally. But in my opinion mixed kids are among the most beautiful, brilliant people in the world

IP: Logged

BornUnderDioscuri
Moderator

Posts: 49
From:
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 02, 2007 09:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BornUnderDioscuri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
P.S. I was wondering how hard would it be for such a pairing (Jewish+Saudi) to deal. On the one hand it doesnt seem to be harder than Palestinian/Jewish on the other hand Saudi Arabia has a stricter law code (which doesnt forbid it) but socially wise. How would that work?

IP: Logged

DayDreamer
unregistered
posted January 02, 2007 09:51 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
One of my aunts (by marriage) brother is Pakistani and married to a Spanish women too...both are Muslim. My Bengali friends' uncle was married to a Jewish woman...he died when their cousin was a toddler so their cousin was raised strictly Jewish and wasnt involved in the Bengali community at all. Ive got some inter-cultural, racial marriages in my family too.

IP: Logged


This topic is 2 pages long:   1  2 

All times are Eastern Standard Time

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Administrative Options: Close Topic | Archive/Move | Delete Topic
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
Hop to:

Contact Us | Linda-Goodman.com

Copyright © 2011

Powered by Infopop www.infopop.com © 2000
Ultimate Bulletin Board 5.46a