posted February 15, 2008 04:19 PM              

These are real notes written by parents…. Spellings have been left intact.

•My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

•Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.

•Dear school: please ecsc’s john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

•Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.

•Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

•John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

•Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

•Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

•Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

•Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

•Pleaseexcuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had diahre dyrea direathe the *s*h*i*t*s .

•Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.

•Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

•Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.

•I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don’t know what size she wear.

•Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.

•Sally won’t be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.

•My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.

•Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

•Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

•Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

•Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.

•Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
.....now I’m depressed.

source

posted February 15, 2008 08:48 PM            

• Sally won’t be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.

• My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.

posted February 15, 2008 09:11 PM            

YOU CAN'T HAVE GUNS ON CAMPUS!

For those not intimately familiar with English, this should read, "MAY not have guns on campus,” rather than, “CAN not.” Because anyone CAN have guns on campus. That’s what the policeman is there for, to arrest anyone who does so. Can implies ability. May implies permission. And everyone, other than the policeman, is denied permission to bring guns on campus.

Now if the poster had said, YOU CAN’T FLAP YOUR ARMS AND FLY LIKE A BIRD, then that would be correct. Though in this case, you MAY flap your arms and try.

I’ve also heard of teachers who can’t use an apostrophe correctly, one teacher who thought Adolf Hitler was a Communist, and teachers who literally believed that students had satanic powers and were cursing them or bringing down tornadoes. Some of these cases even reach a court room, eg, when Brandi Blackbear was suspended for “hexing her teachers” to become sick, thus “disrupting the school.”

One teacher shared that a math teacher wrote this on the blackboard: "Jane has a fifty cent peice [sic]. Nick has two quarters..."

And I’ve heard of people with PhDs that couldn’t spell or use proper grammar to save their life. Come to think of it, I know a former freelance copy editor who observed that many articles in professional journals were word salad. Once she struggled with the academic lead article in the Journal of Documentation. While the summary and chart looked really good, she wasn’t able to understand the article at all. Eventually she diagrammed it and realized it made no sense. The stated conclusions were never tested, points were brought up and then dropped without any follow up, etc. Yet it managed to make the lead article in a prestigious journal.

I’ve also read an article quoting a reputable university scientist who stated, “The data shows.” Since data is plural, that should be, “The data show” (ie, “they show”).

From top to bottom of society, spelling and grammar are atrocious.

posted February 16, 2008 02:43 AM              

but seriously, i never thought americans were like the simpsons. then again this is a a small group of them.
but the excuses in India , if an IGNORANT American thinks India is the land of sacred cows and dirt poor losers would read something like....

sorry gopal was apesent, we had to feed the sacred cow his books.

or

sorry Radha was asbent we killed her becuase she was lower caste ( never mind we could end up in the slammer for a long time like thousands others )

sorry neha didnt do her homework, she had to feed the Holy Snakes.

sorry i had to put abdul at home yesterday to have him marry my 10 year old higher caste neice.

posted February 16, 2008 04:37 AM            

"Can" can also refer to permission. Look up its definition.

Today, data is used in English both as a plural noun meaning “facts or pieces of information” (These data are described more fully elsewhere) and as a singular mass noun meaning “information”: Not much data is available on flood control in Brazil. It is almost always treated as a plural in scientific and academic writing. In other types of writing it is either singular or plural. The singular datum meaning “a piece of information” is now rare in all types of writing. In surveying and civil engineering, where datum has specialized senses, the plural form is datums. www.dictionary.com

posted February 16, 2008 08:40 AM              

•Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

Sound like some real close families there...ROFL!

------------------
The truth is ... everything counts. Everything. Everything we do and everything we say. Everything helps or hurts; everything adds to or takes away from someone else. ~ Countee Cullen