posted February 24, 2009 05:15 PM            

The classic children's fable has been updated for the times but the moral remains the same.

Once upon a time a little red hen called all of her Obama stimulus supporting neighbors together and said, "If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?"

"Not I," said the cow.

"Not I," said the duck.

"Not I," said the pig.

"Not I," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did. The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain.

"Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen.

"Not I," said the duck.

"Out of my classification," said the pig.

"I'd lose my seniority," said the cow.

"I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did.

At last it came time to bake the bread.

"Who will help me bake the bread?" asked the little red hen.

"That would be overtime for me," said the cow.

"I'd lose my welfare benefits," said the duck.

"I'm a dropout and never learned how," said the pig.

"If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen.

She baked five loaves and after they were finished she held them up for all of her neighbors to see. "Who shall help me eat this bread?" asked the little red hen.

"I will," said the cow. "I need to eat to make good milk and I don't have the time."

"I will," said the duck. "My welfare benefits don't provide bread."

"I will," said the pig. "I learned to eat in school."

"I will," said the goose. "If you don't give me any bread, that's discrimination."

But the little red hen said, "No, I made the bread I shall eat all five loaves." And she did.

"Excess profits!" cried the cow. (Nancy Pelosi)

"Capitalist leech!" screamed the duck. (Barbara Boxer)

"I demand equal rights!" yelled the goose. (Jesse Jackson)

The pig just grunted in disdain. (Ted Kennedy)

And they all painted 'Unfair!' picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.

Then Farmer Obama came. He said to the little red hen, "You must not be so greedy."

"But I worked hard and earned the bread," protested the little red hen.

"Exactly," said Barack the farmer. "That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government system, the productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who who are not productive. It is only fair."

posted February 25, 2009 10:56 AM            

and lets not forget the little hen who planted her wheat and it grew so well she could not harvest it all herself. so she enlisted her friends the mouse family who helped her chop it down and carry it to the mill, ferried it home for her when it had been ground to flour, and carried the pans from oven to shelf. when all the bread was baked and everyone was hungry the little blue hen gave each mouse a morsel big enough to last a week and saved some for herself for the season. since there was so much bread (due to all the help she'd had) she sold the leftovers and bought herself more wheat, a fine dress and a wagon which she paid pig to pull her around in.

when the mice saw the hen living so well from the proceeds of their labour they asked for a little more bread, or some money to get them through the winter too. to which the little hen replied, "it was my idea and my wheat so don't bother me. i paid you for your mindless contribution and anyone could have done that!"

the mice had to agree it was her wheat (she had found the seeds) and her idea and didn't have the eloquence to argue for what they thought was their full share. however when the hen asked them to help her plant the new grains, they declined to help unless they were given enough proceeds to see them through the winter. the little hen then had to settle for planting and reaping and grinding what she could carry. the mice found a few grains themselves and planted them and harvested enough for a season's worth of bread, while the hen on her own managed enough for a few loaves. she had been dreaming of the NEW fine dress and a second carriage for special trips, as well as an incubator to hatch her chicks and save her time for more interesting pursuits.
"how dare you make me earn my own daily bread!" cried she. "now i don't have enough surplus to pay pig to drive me around! and i was going to have enough to pay horse (who charges more because he goes faster and needs more food) and really enjoy life!"
to which the mice suggested she find some other suckers who were poor enough to do the "mindless" work for a week's pay so she could use the rest to live in comfort and finery for the whole season.

so she did. there was a new family of mice in the neighbourhood, who had had to leave their old home because there were more mice than food, and were happy to work all day for a crumb. for awhile...until they saw what was possible to those who started their own crop!