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Author
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Topic: Sanctuary
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PhantasmMysteria
Knowflake Posts: 63
From: Sanford.FL
Registered: Jul 2002
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posted November 05, 2003 02:24 AM
 
Hello lovelies, this is my first time posting on this particular board, and I must admit, I'm kind of intimidated by the talent I've seen so far on all the other boards here, but I'm gonna dive in head-first anyway.
Any comments or criticisms are most welcome 
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"Sanctuary"
No evil semms to dwell in this naked sanctuary
Obstructed day-beams
Play across this needy siren's guilded features
And copper-laced mane.
Even when she's in your arms, they still feel
Empty
And yet,
In your sphere of sympathy,
She seems to real.Your eyes,
Gray as the morning mists she left behind in Avalon
Offer such unutterable solace to a wild-eyed sprite as she
Yet you smell of despair, like metal and rain
But this spirit cannot fathom belonging to any other Master
No one has tamed her quite like him.
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c. 1998
P.S. I wated to note that the line "Yet you smell of despair, like metal and rain" is not the original line of the poem, I cannot find my first draft anywhere, but I really, really, really don't like this line! LOL
And I'm trying to think of what to chane it to, or whether to leave it out entirely. Whatever.
Thanks for reading!
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"Our generation has had no Great War, no Great Depression.
Our Great War is the Spiritual War. Our Great Depression is our lives."
~Tyler Durden, Fight Club~ IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 16464
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted November 06, 2003 03:50 PM
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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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