posted March 01, 2005 10:25 PM         

But you turned away,
too afraid of the possibility
that I am it.

I gave up, much against
my better judgement.
I knew nothing else to do.

He held out his hand
for me, and I took it.
Now I see you standing
there all alone and
my heart cries for you.

I want you so badly
I can hear your heart
in my head, my soul.

I can't let go of him,
He needs me.
But oh, I wish it would
all just go away.

I want to be with you,
even if you cannot see that.
I have betrayed myself
for being with him,
when what I really need
is you.

What have I done?
To both of us, I have
robbed us of what could
have been.

He just won't let go
and I do care for him.
But he isn't you.
No matter what happens,
He isn't you.

How could I?

I don't know how to fix
this, and I want to cry
when I see you sitting alone
with your head high
and sadness in your eyes.

What have I done?

I cannot blame you,
I won't blame you.
You had no way to know
that I wanted you.
I never said it.
I never let you in.

What have I done?

I want to scream at
the injustice of it.
I want to tell him to
leave me alone, and run
to you.
But I can't.

So I hide my feelings
with fake laughter,
and false smiles.
I hope you don't see
what I am trying to hide.
I hope he doesn't see
what I am trying to hide.

I have a terrible feeling
that you would run
and he would hate me forever.

I can't take that.

What have I done?
___________________________

xx
Kt