leo_on_fire
Knowflake Posts: 144
From: Heiskell, TN 37754
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted June 25, 2005 07:23 PM
 
Casting myself further into this world.
Hanging onto a drifting log of humanity.
Tis how I am supposed to continue to live.
Live.
What a strange word.
Dreamers of my dreams never know where I stand as I share the words of my soul.
They watch in amazement, abject confusion, and perhaps even fear as they see the jumps that I take.
For a person so deathly afraid of heights,
I am addicted to the adrenaline rush of making a fool of myself.
I can't help but want to reach that apex of this thing we call "soul" in order the find another plateau of the ordinary.
Each point, each tip top of our own mountain is merely a skip, hop, and jump to the next ridge across the horizon.
Each more perilous than the next.
These people who share my dreams, who watch my dreams like motion pictures can only judge by what they see.
And I think the only thing they see is a lost girl of 18 who fears herself and her feelings more than any other thing.
One who fears what will happen when she lays herself open for the world.
Yet at the same time, their own dreams tell me that they wish they had my bravery.
Bravery.
Let me tell you of bravery, it is false.
It is a ruse to cover our real fear and to cover just how petrified we are of what we don't know.
Natural impulse to face fear head on, or hide under the bed.
I dance in the rain, I cry in my sleep, I sing in the shower, and everyone who dreams my dreams know that inside it is like I never grew up at all, like I am still hanging onto the instinct that says hide under my bed.
I love with all of my heart for one so young.
I give my soul and everything attached for one so young.
I share more of myself to you, the reader, and the ones who get to watch while I dream that I am not sure if there is much left of me that can be held inside without letting it be seen.
I am a girl, a woman, a lover, a mother in my heart, and a perfect example of what my world calls "dazed and confused".
Ya know, I have had more people tell me that I have NO idea what love is, I have no idea how to care for someone that deeply at my age.
That I know no barriers, I know no rules, I don't know how the world works yet.
Right.
Can I speak now?
Let me tell you of how I love, of MY barriers, of MY rules, of how MY world works and see if you can see where I am coming from.
In my world, love is the most important illusion, it is what carries us through it all. It is the glue that holds our souls together when all else seems to fall apart.
In my world the barriers are those that we create, that we make and hold strong to, our morals and beliefs are the barriers of our souls. No one has a right to make OUR barriers for us.
In my world the rules are thus: If I believe it is right, I do it. If I believe it is wrong, I will say so. I will not hold back.
If its broken, you fix it. If it sleeps, you wake it. If it is not just so, you strive to make it so. You don't lay down and let someone tell you no. You learn from your own mistakes..not theirs.
In my world, it is possible for me to lay everything I am and own down if it means that the ones I love are happy.
If the tears I shed seem to ram against everything you are and like then that is too bad.
In my dreams, the ones who get to watch are the gifted ones..the privledged few.
So don't judge them for their curiosity.
Don't judge me for my willingness to let them fufill their curiosity.
Don't judge me, don't criticise what you don't understand.
Just let me be.
And the dreamers of my dreams will continue to bring me help in my time of need, they will continue to patch my broken heart and soul, and they will continue to dream with me.
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love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove.
William Shakespeare IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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posted June 27, 2005 05:09 PM
