leo_on_fire
Knowflake Posts: 158
From: Heiskell, TN 37754
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted August 05, 2005 06:21 PM
 
Who is going to wake me up to make me smile now that you've given it up?
It seems so far away, never really seeming as real as it once was.
I'm trying to keep it together but I'm falling apart no matter how much they keep trying to patch me up.
I stare at the stars trying to see your face like I used to be able to do and all I see is blinks of pity.
I don't wanna lose it...it was something I had grown quite comfortable with.
How am I supposed to smile when it feels like there is nothing to smile for anymore?
When it feels like I've lost me in you and now that you are gone, I can't get me back?
I keep walking, working, waking up, writing, and talking...all for what?
To say that I could do it?
Really now, what purpose does that serve?
For the last time, I've called you in hopes of hearing something nice come from your mouth.
That was too much to hope for.
Too much to dream for.
I wanted to tell you that I love you today, I had a whole script, I wasn't going to back down this time.
But I did.
I've lost all of my strength and all of my ability to fight for anything.
I hate feeling this weak but all I want to do is hide under my covers and cry.
But I can't even do that anymore, I cried too much at the beginning of this to cry now that I've caught sight of the end.
How do we go on as "friends" when I feel like this for you?
I'm not sure I can do it.
I'm not sure I can even see myself through that.
Ya know, I actually had a serious thought today about leaving work and finding a new job just so that we wouldn't see each other when you came back?
Why should I think like that?
Why does it seem impossible for us to ever have a second chance?
I want that second chance, more than anything.
I want you.
Just you.
I'm losing my mind and can't see straight.
I lost some more weight...not eating much does that to ya.
I was told today that I wasn't even recognizable and they weren't sure who looked more sad, me or the guy who's son just got out of juvenile for drug use.
I didn't know what to make of that.
So in 2 months when you come home, what am I going to do?
How do I deal with not having you when you are right in my face, if now while you are gone from sight, I can't stand it and it feels like I can't breathe?
What's gonna happen now?
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love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove.
William Shakespeare
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Lindaland
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posted August 06, 2005 05:17 PM
