leo_on_fire
Knowflake Posts: 213
From: Heiskell, TN 37754
Registered: Dec 2004
|
posted November 11, 2005 11:35 PM
 
The sun has set once again, and I thought I was ok.
But maybe not.
Another day has passed and yet again, I can't get up the nerve to just spit it out and get it over with.
Maybe I like the pain.
But maybe not.
The clock has ticked 24 hours away, and I have nothing to show for it excpet a miticulously clean room from too much energy.
I thought I'd do it today, just like I thought yesterday and the day before.
But maybe not.
I've stared at these four walls long enough, thinking over everything much like a detective digging through the evidence only to find I don't like the conclusion.
I thought I was right.
But maybe not.
Page after page of words have been written, time has gone by, the world is a colder place now, I thought I'd have it figured out by now.
But maybe not.
It's almost christmas, and the days are shorter, while the nights are so long.
More time passes by and it shocks me to see that we were something so long ago.
But maybe not.
I mean, each day passes, and the evidence pushes us farther away from each other.
I'm desperate now when I thought for sure I'd be over you by now.
But maybe not.
Who's to say I'm not just crazy, and too young, and maybe I don't know anything about the world after all, especially not about love.
I needed to not love you and I thought you would make it easy not to.
But maybe not.
Time keeps on moving and the world keeps on changing and people keep on leaving, and I keep hoping one of us will leave too.
But maybe not.
I see you smile and that look in your eye and I don't know what to think.
Then I think of the things you said and I know that look might mean nothing after all.
But maybe not.
Autumn is here right now and the leaves fall and I think of them as pieces of me, hitting the ground.
But maybe not.
I have no one left to blame but myself for taking so long to deal with this, I could have made it easier on me if I had just asked for the truth from you.
But maybe not.
What is this insane fear I have of opening up to you when I really need to?
One day I'll get over you.
But maybe not.
And there it is, you see.
I'm so afraid that I'm wrong and you do care but don't know how to find your way back, that I can't move when I'm around you and I don't know what to say.
But maybe not.
Another day gone by and I regret it, one should never regret love and I regret you but only because I can't love you like I want to.
I think it would be easier never to have met you.
But maybe not.
I can lie to myself as each day passes and tell myself I am getting better and that it doesn't hurt as badly as it did.
But maybe not.
Soon it will be cold enough to see our breath and it'll be too cold to be alone when the snow falls.
I'll want you more then, and it keeps popping into my head that you'll want me too.
But maybe not.
Another day passes, another day gone by and I let my fear take over me.
------------------
Live your life without regret, don't be someone they forget. Your heart is not yours to keep, it's yours to give...
Unknown IP: Logged |
Lindaland
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! 
posted November 13, 2005 10:58 AM
