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Author Topic:   The day My Best Friend Died
ghanima81
Moderator

Posts: 1566
From: MAINE! :)
Registered: Aug 2003

posted March 10, 2006 08:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ghanima81     Edit/Delete Message
The Day My Best Friend Died

I'll always remember
that day I got the memo
saying you were dead to me
as though the words
when written
meant forgetting could be easy
that solace could be found
when you didn't exist anymore

Funny thing about death though
and humans
scents and sentences
don't make sense
when memory takes over
plots a course for the heart
that the mind must follow
beaten into submission
by unconscious routine
and subconscious dreams

When you're numb
you can't feel
the bottle in hand
So I drowned the confusion
of me without you
filled the hole with an empty soul
Hidden up on the shelf
behind mother's milk
tonic for a poisoned womb

I can't remember what feeling feels like
A headache every day
I've pushed it away
and carried on

Isn't that what I sould have done?

Moved on
from that place we shared
that was only ours
replaced the spark
with a glazed over look of meloncholy

Trying to smile
what a shame
the pit I have put myself in
a chasm of guilt and retribution
without a leg up
or a hand to pull me out
Life
can be lived in degrees
on your back
on your knees
standing seems simple
when stands can be taken
All you asked was for one
the task I failed
and fail again as I see the whiskey is gone
And rummage for anyting
to put me to sleep

Death
can be served any time
when you crawl
when you climb
from the floor to the bed
just a place to forget the emptiness
with a belly full of regret
a head laden with what if's

When you died
Did it feel like this?
how wrong of me to think
you suffered
my heart
inside still beats
and wishes you peace
In death
I hope you found your answers
the book was open to you
May I be so lucky
to chase away fear
Doubt
Insecurity
and rest at last
and know you are safe

It seems selfish
that wish to speak to you
to ask of you anything
to hear your voice again
when all I did was let you down

And it was only raining
there was no storm outside
but evidently it's too late
there is no grand eraser
or device to take back what was said

My intentions
although prevented
were to be with you
when communicated
got lost in translation
Now we see
what harm can come of that

So the lessons you taught me
were to say what you mean
and mean what you say
When love is on the table
It's no bet to make
See, the stakes get raised
even when you have the best hand
a bluff can get you
take all your chips
Plastic remnants of your silly mistakes
along the way

I'm not bitter
that you called a spade a spade
But I never meant to fold on you
Look closer
I've had time to analyze
All you have is time
in the prison of your own mind
You never forget that one big blunder
that moment when you should have called
and dismissed the urge to raise

I'm sorry

My dearest friend

that I fell to the fault of
never saying
when matter mattered most
How sorry I am

The love I gambled
now sorded and on the pages of
pasts past pacifiers

Breaks my heart

Break it a million times more
and still
stay in that place of happiness
knowing what you know now
Know
No
Notice my small voice
Peekid and peeking
from behind the weight of her making
saying I love you

No matter
Knowing the matter

of the words

------------------------------------------

Remember that every action, however small, has an equal or greater reacion. What breaks the heart of one, can break the spirit of all.

Let us all remember that words, and silence, can mean the difference between peace and war.

Choose your battles, and your words...

because you never know....

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pixelpixie
Knowflake

Posts: 5293
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted March 30, 2008 11:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you for referring to this.
What awesome soul stirring poetry.
I heart you

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 7054
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted March 30, 2008 11:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message
How did I miss this?

So good.

quote:
Life
can be lived in degrees
on your back
on your knees
standing seems simple
when stands can be taken


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pixelpixie
Knowflake

Posts: 5293
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted March 30, 2008 11:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
that is one of the parts that did it for me too!

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ghanima81
Moderator

Posts: 1566
From: MAINE! :)
Registered: Aug 2003

posted April 01, 2008 09:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ghanima81     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks, ya'll!

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NosiS
Moderator

Posts: 876
From: )
Registered: Apr 2004

posted April 01, 2008 09:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for NosiS     Edit/Delete Message
Wow, ghanima!

I think I've found some of that warmth I was intuiting of you here. Considering the title of this and the pain you often express, I am impressed by your strength and perseverance. I sincerely hope that you keep writing as you have and that you share whatever writings you are comfortable sharing with us. There is not much that anyone can do from this technological distance for you but pray for you and wish you the warmest of hopes, but by sharing your writing and speaking of it in tones may help further deepen your strength and the wisdom you will need to overcome your struggles.

Peace and blessings, O Warmest Heart.

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