posted March 10, 2006 08:24 AM
The Day My Best Friend DiedI'll always remember
that day I got the memo
saying you were dead to me
as though the words
when written
meant forgetting could be easy
that solace could be found
when you didn't exist anymore
Funny thing about death though
and humans
scents and sentences
don't make sense
when memory takes over
plots a course for the heart
that the mind must follow
beaten into submission
by unconscious routine
and subconscious dreams
When you're numb
you can't feel
the bottle in hand
So I drowned the confusion
of me without you
filled the hole with an empty soul
Hidden up on the shelf
behind mother's milk
tonic for a poisoned womb
I can't remember what feeling feels like
A headache every day
I've pushed it away
and carried on
Isn't that what I sould have done?
Moved on
from that place we shared
that was only ours
replaced the spark
with a glazed over look of meloncholy
Trying to smile
what a shame
the pit I have put myself in
a chasm of guilt and retribution
without a leg up
or a hand to pull me out
Life
can be lived in degrees
on your back
on your knees
standing seems simple
when stands can be taken
All you asked was for one
the task I failed
and fail again as I see the whiskey is gone
And rummage for anyting
to put me to sleep
Death
can be served any time
when you crawl
when you climb
from the floor to the bed
just a place to forget the emptiness
with a belly full of regret
a head laden with what if's
When you died
Did it feel like this?
how wrong of me to think
you suffered
my heart
inside still beats
and wishes you peace
In death
I hope you found your answers
the book was open to you
May I be so lucky
to chase away fear
Doubt
Insecurity
and rest at last
and know you are safe
It seems selfish
that wish to speak to you
to ask of you anything
to hear your voice again
when all I did was let you down
And it was only raining
there was no storm outside
but evidently it's too late
there is no grand eraser
or device to take back what was said
My intentions
although prevented
were to be with you
when communicated
got lost in translation
Now we see
what harm can come of that
So the lessons you taught me
were to say what you mean
and mean what you say
When love is on the table
It's no bet to make
See, the stakes get raised
even when you have the best hand
a bluff can get you
take all your chips
Plastic remnants of your silly mistakes
along the way
I'm not bitter
that you called a spade a spade
But I never meant to fold on you
Look closer
I've had time to analyze
All you have is time
in the prison of your own mind
You never forget that one big blunder
that moment when you should have called
and dismissed the urge to raise
I'm sorry
My dearest friend
that I fell to the fault of
never saying
when matter mattered most
How sorry I am
The love I gambled
now sorded and on the pages of
pasts past pacifiers
Breaks my heart
Break it a million times more
and still
stay in that place of happiness
knowing what you know now
Know
No
Notice my small voice
Peekid and peeking
from behind the weight of her making
saying I love you
No matter
Knowing the matter
of the words
------------------------------------------
Remember that every action, however small, has an equal or greater reacion. What breaks the heart of one, can break the spirit of all.
Let us all remember that words, and silence, can mean the difference between peace and war.
Choose your battles, and your words...
because you never know....