posted June 11, 2006 02:01 PM           

I'm relieved to find you are okay. I wish I had a chance to check this thread sooner. I'm glad to hear you say these more hopeful things, too.

I dont pretend to relate to what you are going through, but i will just mention that i have been through periods of major depression and suicidal ideology (no attempts, though).

I read your poem. Is that your story? It is tragic. But, if you don't mind my saying so, it is also a story of incredible triumph, isn't it? I mean, the battles a man wins in a courtroom, arent really anything compared to the battles he wins in his own soul, right? Because they are less public, because they are private battles, they are that much harder and lonelier. I know.

I will admire you, regardless of what choice you make today, or tomorrow, or next year. You have already survived an intense, transformative experience; you are a survivor, and there is nothing left to prove to anyone, except for maybe yourself. I understand your insecurites about your mind, but, I can assure you, from where I am standing, you appear to have a pretty good head on your shoulders. I would just be careful of training that critical ability of yours on yourself too much. If you are a sensitive person, that is nothing to beat yourself up about. We all have certain strengths, and weaknesses that accompany those strengths. If you did not have this capacity for "wallowing in self-pity", you would not have the capacity to be as considerate of others as you are. People may not always appreciate your sensitivity, and they may not always know how to handle the intensity, but, I promise you, it is very healing for them, whether they know it or not. Also, I am sure you know that making furniture is a noble profession. In this modern world, so few of the things people work so hard to produce are even useful.

I want you to know that "the sun also rises". As badly as you have felt lately, you will feel THAT GOOD, if you stick around. It is a natural law of compensation. If I were you, I might even sigh a huge sigh of relief, to think that it will probably be a long long time before its my (your) turn again to get the short end of the stick.

This too shall pass.
And you will be SO strong.

"What doesnt kill me, makes me stronger."
- nietzsche

Do not worry about regrets now. Do not think about what the "right" thing to do is. You can only cultivate love for yourself. That is where all your power and discipline and will to live comes from. You must forgive yourself, have understanding and compassion for yourself, and learn what it means to be your own best friend. When this happens for you, as i know it will, you will see what I mean about things changing.

please take care,
~ S

posted June 11, 2006 02:39 PM           

- Chief Dan George

---------------------------------

[Despair] is, one is told, the unforgivable sin, but it is a sin the corrupt or evil man never practices. He always has hope. He never reaches the freezing-point of knowing absolute failure. Only the man of goodwill carries always in his heart this capacity for damnation. - Graham Greene

Suffering is the ancient law of love; there is no quest without pain; there is no lover who is not also a martyr. - Heinrich Suso

There is no coming to consciousness without pain. - Carl Jung

One cannot reach the dawn except by the path of night. - Kahlil Gibran

Where there is suffering there is holy ground. - Oscar Wilde

Strength is born in the deep silence of long-suffering hearts; not amid joy.
- Felicia D. Hemens

Affliction is a treasure, and scarce any man hath enough of it. - John Donne

Every angel is terrifying. - Rainer Maria Rilke

posted June 11, 2006 03:50 PM         

quote:

---

I just hope that I will not try to take my own life again, because if I did so, and God forbid, if I succeeded, I would regret ending this lifetime, this incarnation way too prematurely terribly, and also miss my beloved, here on earth, being torn apart by physical death, beyond words.

---

posted June 13, 2006 07:19 AM           

Actually, your poem is helping me to COPE with what I am going through ( please read Please guys-need help for friend in FFA).

It's strange to think a poem like this is helping me, rather than making me MORE depressed and distressed! Once again thank you.

posted March 29, 2009 02:00 PM           

I didn't even remember this thread, to be honest, but
when I saw my understanding and compassionate response
to D's heartfelt expression of her angst and distress,
I thought it was particularly revealing, and worthy of a bump.

posted March 29, 2009 08:50 PM           

My love and prayers to them.

You can give them a call
and a hug from me.

posted March 30, 2009 08:51 AM           

Some great words here

posted March 30, 2009 03:37 PM           

And thank you, LEXX,
for editing your reply.
It shows your heart.

posted April 01, 2009 11:14 PM         

quote:

---

You have grown!
Hugs!
LEXX
xoxoxo

---

I really do appreciate your encouragement and positive feedback, LEXX and I still remember how sad I was when I wrote this poem whose contents I don't even recall any more. I know you've been there, LEXX and I'm sorry to hear about the two people in your life who've been contemplating ending their own lives. I believe your wisdom can come in handy for them.

And indeed, as you said, LEXX- what was then was then. What is now is now. Regret is something we need the least. The point is having the lessons learned.

posted April 11, 2009 11:09 PM           

I deeply appreciate these words of yours.

I have been seeing brighter days,
and putting my attention on brighter things.

There's faith, hope, and

posted April 17, 2009 10:31 PM         

D