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Author Topic:   Why
MysticMelody
Knowflake

Posts: 2919
From:
Registered: Dec 2005

posted January 25, 2007 02:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message
Is it really an accident
What a lovely design it's made

And is my flesh the enemy
Only when the bed needs made

Is it pointless to begin
with pure clean sheets

We lay beneath
the comforter womb

and giggle

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InLoveWithLife
Knowflake

Posts: 1530
From: Wonderland
Registered: Aug 2006

posted January 29, 2007 05:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for InLoveWithLife     Edit/Delete Message
MM...is that an ode to your bed? if so, i love it!! esp during winters i find it soooo difficult to crawl out of my bed to begin the day...just feel like lying there for ever
ohh...and those words 'comforter womb' describe the feeling so perfectly!

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MysticMelody
Knowflake

Posts: 2919
From:
Registered: Dec 2005

posted January 30, 2007 05:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message
It's original title was Why Live. I should have went with that... oops!
Let me know what you think now and if that changes your view of it.

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InLoveWithLife
Knowflake

Posts: 1530
From: Wonderland
Registered: Aug 2006

posted January 30, 2007 09:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for InLoveWithLife     Edit/Delete Message
hehe...sorry for misunderstanding the poem. but since i thought it implied 'why get out of the bed' i have quite taken to tht interpretation
but yes, it does make sense with 'why live' too....hmmmm...kind of deep, then, isn't it? (which my shallow and LAZY self didn't comprehend the first time....lol)

the futility of starting over....i see wht ya mean....

methinks death is not an unpleasant experience....what lies beyond, might just be the stuff dreams r made of....'and giggle' sums it up.

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Yang
Knowflake

Posts: 2295
From: A temporary home
Registered: May 2004

posted January 31, 2007 09:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yang     Edit/Delete Message
Lovely, lovely

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sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 8591
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004

posted February 01, 2007 08:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
Oh lovely.....

I love this....toe curling and delicious

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 6015
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted February 01, 2007 08:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message

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MysticMelody
Knowflake

Posts: 2919
From:
Registered: Dec 2005

posted February 02, 2007 12:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message
InLove I think life is the stuff "dreams are made of" too. I think it's cool that you used that phrase.

Everyone,
How nice!!!!!

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Bluemoon
Knowflake

Posts: 4455
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted February 02, 2007 06:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bluemoon     Edit/Delete Message
Lovely

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MysticMelody
Knowflake

Posts: 2919
From:
Registered: Dec 2005

posted March 05, 2007 12:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message
Well, that's 3-4 "lovely"s and a thumbs-up from you beautiful people, but here is what my poetry teacher lady said:

Why Live-

Is it really an accident IS *WHAT* AN ACCIDENT?
What a lovely design it's made

And is my flesh the enemy
Only when the bed needs made THE ANSWER TO THE PREVIOUS LINE?

Is it pointless to begin
with pure clean sheets

We lay beneath LIE
the comforter womb NICE PHRASE

and giggle

THIS POEM WOULD BE MORE EFFECTIVE IF IT WERE MORE SPECIFIC. I LIKE THE QUESTIONS; IT MIGHT WORK WELL TO ASK IN THE FIRST LINE AND ANSWER IN THE SECOND, ALTERNATING VOICES UNTIL THE HAPPY ENDING.

She didn't understand it either, maybe it was for too specific of an audience? Anyway, she liked my four other poems and 2 riddles (well she didn't get the "music" one but the young kids in my class did...), but also didn't get my Innocence poem. Now I have to be willing to work on them and change them so they are more easily understood and I just hate to be easily understood... hehe

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MysticMelody
Knowflake

Posts: 2919
From:
Registered: Dec 2005

posted January 04, 2008 10:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Now I have to be willing to work on them and change them so they are more easily understood and I just hate to be easily understood... hehe"

~me

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