Posts: 9477
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat. fayte1954@hotmail.com
Registered: Mar 2005

posted October 05, 2007 02:11 AM         

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"Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over and start a rehab for the damned!"
~Judgement Must Be Balanced With Compassion~
~Do Not Seek Wealth From The Suffering, Or The Dire Needs Of Others~
~Assumption Is The Bane Of Understanding~
~ if you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got.~
Everything changes.
Fear not the changes.
"My body is physically disabled, but I am not my body nor am I its disabilities!"
}><}}}(*> <*){{{><{
~~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~
~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~

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Posts: 2275
From:
Registered: Mar 2006

posted October 05, 2007 11:50 PM         

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Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year....
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep. ~Robert Frost

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Posts: 5942
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted October 06, 2007 04:06 PM         

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"The pale moon takes on a blush."

This is a great image.
Very suggestive juxtaposition.

The pale moon;
the bloodless mother...
distant...
unconcerned...
cold

The blush;
lifeblood in the cheeks...
the ability to feel shame,
to humble oneself,
to feel warmth for others...

"Man is the Only Animal that Blushes.
Or needs to."
~ Mark Twain

Also, new life
(i.e. "the blush of youth"),
which fits well with the dessolate,
yet hopeful tone of the poem.

I have one constructive criticism,
which you can take or leave.

I would not have said "metaphorically speaking".
You are writing poetry;
almost every line is a metaphor;
that goes without saying
(as it did with all the other metaphors in your poem;
but if you single one image out as "metaphorical",
then are we to take all the others literally? -
this is the implication).

Good work.

be well,
s

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Posts: 9477
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat. fayte1954@hotmail.com
Registered: Mar 2005

posted October 06, 2007 10:24 PM         

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Thanks!
And you are correct!/Heh heh, my husband said that too....
Soooo..
I shall remove it.

quote:

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I have one constructive criticism,
which you can take or leave.

I would not have said "metaphorically speaking".
You are writing poetry;
almost every line is a metaphor;
that goes without saying
(as it did with all the other metaphors in your poem;
but if you single one image out as "metaphorical",
then are we to take all the others literally? -
this is the implication).

---

------------------
"Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over and start a rehab for the damned!"
~Judgement Must Be Balanced With Compassion~
~Do Not Seek Wealth From The Suffering, Or The Dire Needs Of Others~
~Assumption Is The Bane Of Understanding~
~ if you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got.~
Everything changes.
Fear not the changes.
"My body is physically disabled, but I am not my body nor am I its disabilities!"
}><}}}(*> <*){{{><{
~~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~
~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~

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Posts: 9477
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat. fayte1954@hotmail.com
Registered: Mar 2005

posted October 06, 2007 10:28 PM         

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Silverstone!
Thank you!

------------------
"Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over and start a rehab for the damned!"
~Judgement Must Be Balanced With Compassion~
~Do Not Seek Wealth From The Suffering, Or The Dire Needs Of Others~
~Assumption Is The Bane Of Understanding~
~ if you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got.~
Everything changes.
Fear not the changes.
"My body is physically disabled, but I am not my body nor am I its disabilities!"
}><}}}(*> <*){{{><{
~~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~
~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~

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Posts: 2834
From:
Registered: Dec 2005

posted October 07, 2007 09:53 PM         

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I didn't realize you wrote this, Fayte. Very interesting style and word choices. I hope to see more of your poetry in the future. Poetry is such a window into the soul.

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Posts: 9477
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat. fayte1954@hotmail.com
Registered: Mar 2005

posted October 07, 2007 11:32 PM         

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MysticMelody
I write alot of poetry but am kinda shy of posting it.
I guess I do not want graded on it.
However constructive critiquing as HSC did is welcome!

I shall consider posting more.
Thank you.

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"Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over and start a rehab for the damned!"
~Judgement Must Be Balanced With Compassion~
~Do Not Seek Wealth From The Suffering, Or The Dire Needs Of Others~
~Assumption Is The Bane Of Understanding~
~ if you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got.~
Everything changes.
Fear not the changes.
"My body is physically disabled, but I am not my body nor am I its disabilities!"
}><}}}(*> <*){{{><{
~~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~
~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~

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Posts: 1813
From: threshold
Registered: Jul 2005

posted October 08, 2007 10:31 PM         

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I always loved this poem.

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Posts: 9477
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat. fayte1954@hotmail.com
Registered: Mar 2005

posted October 08, 2007 10:59 PM         

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quote:

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I always loved this poem.

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Thank you.

------------------
"Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over and start a rehab for the damned!"
~Judgement Must Be Balanced With Compassion~
~Do Not Seek Wealth From The Suffering, Or The Dire Needs Of Others~
~Assumption Is The Bane Of Understanding~
~ if you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got.~
Everything changes.
Fear not the changes.
"My body is physically disabled, but I am not my body nor am I its disabilities!"
}><}}}(*> <*){{{><{
~~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~
~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~

IP: Logged

Posts: 9477
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat. fayte1954@hotmail.com
Registered: Mar 2005

posted October 08, 2007 11:08 PM         

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Concerning lovers from past lives finding each other in a new lifetime.

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