posted December 30, 2007 07:38 PM         

Ever since the most recent distraction was taken away, the reality of my crimes against life have begun to set in.

It's unbelievable the extent of the damage that's been done by something as simple as having decided to do nothing.

This lack of fire is killing me...

A few fortunate souls have held onto their faculties long enough to perhaps recognize the energy coming off of this reaction. That is the horrified desperation of a person who finds himself staring down both barrels of time, knowing full well that the triggers have been cocked. Can't move. Can't just stand there anymore.

Action is the word of the day for the rest of this life then. So it must be if I'm to avoid dying unresolved. I don't know how to bring myself into focus..matching action to belief. Blending thought and intuition.

The memory of how is fading. The lessons learned are being obliterated by re-immersion in a monstrous insanity into which I was born..and have always been.

I am ONE of these babbling mad; bouncing against the walls, talking to ourselves, bickering with shadows that are not there..

posted December 30, 2007 08:05 PM         

As one of those shadows, I assure you I am definitely there. There is not much that I think I could say to you. For one, I have no voice. Another, you are one complete dimension ahead of me. There are things you would not understand from my perspective and, indeed, would judge flat as a result. Again, I assure you that I am there. You simply seem to mistake me for a stranger. Unabashedly, I've made the same assumption of you. Perhaps it is time to reconcile our differences and extend into each other's spaces? The idea of an extra variable sounds exciting to me and you could probably use one less. I wonder...
You say your lack of fire is killing you? As if you lacked Spirit? That's funny.
To me, it seems, you have a bit too much fire. You just don't know how to "put it out" there in the world. I could be completely wrong, of course, as I'm simply projecting my own problems onto what your words describe (unabashedly).

,

posted December 30, 2007 08:44 PM         

:shakes head, as if waking up from a trance:

What happened? Oh, yikes! I did it again! *grrrr*

Sorry, dude. Automatic writing or whatever you call it...
Just one of my "presents" [read "presence"].
Didn't mean to scare you...

posted December 30, 2007 09:37 PM         

Not to get all who-dhoo on you, but i think as a whole we are all in the middle of making a major "transition". Whatever that means. Hang in there and take it easy on yourself.

a babbling mad woman; bouncing against walls, talking to self, shadow bickerer,

dont listen to me.

posted December 30, 2007 09:49 PM         

LOL!

Sorry, just kidding. For some reason I've been in a joking mood...

posted December 31, 2007 01:28 PM         

So, I'm pretty sure you are all the same person just messing with my mind now. Yeah, I'm behind, see kid in the snowsuit video...

posted December 31, 2007 06:38 PM         

quote:

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But we know words cant do that, not permanently at least. Just last week i wanted to end it all again. Same old song and dance. I cant move either.

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Same here. (edited) to everyone feeling this way.

quote:

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I've been having a rather mixed time lately. Really stressed, being exposed to what's fragile and requires discipline, but also realizing my blessings.

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posted December 31, 2007 09:02 PM         

AG, that's interesting, i almost started a thread last week on the effects of transiting Pluto squaring one's natal moon. I wanted to find out how others experienced it or got through it. Pluto is now transiting my 12th house and natal moon in the 8th. bleck. no fun. (and just think, it's not even exact yet. oy.) I'm sure youve read the short report describing it on astro.com

About a year ago i noticed that trans. Neptune will be exactly opposing my natal Saturn at the same time the transiting nodes will be EXACTLY conjunct those two points. South Node conjunct natal Saturn/Vertex while the NN is exact with trans. Neptune. I did some research and what i turned up wasnt pretty. I'm thinking that may be when my dad crosses over. This happens in May 08.

I feel you on all those tough astrological energies.
It's up to us to try and take them to the positive end of the spectrum.

Love and strength to you.

and to you too, teaselbaby. It's been awhile.
I still have that pretty Christmas card you sent me last year. Hope you had a nice holiday this year. All the best in the New Year. ((hugs))

posted January 01, 2008 12:32 AM         

26T, I had no idea you were buggin'.
Am I not paying close enough attention?
[scene missing]
But I think of you as so... competent,
so, i always figure you'll snap back,
in no time.

But you know you have my love and respect and admiration.

quote:

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If there were some wise words i could give you to get you out of your funk, i would share them. But we know words cant do that, not permanently at least.

---

There isnt a shower in the world to get you permanently clean,
but I still recommend taking showers when you get dirty.

I hope you feel bettah soon, too.

AG, you too man.

*BIG HUGS*

posted January 01, 2008 09:04 PM         

and Thank you artlovesdawn.

AG, here it is. It's in the "Short Report Forecast" section. (and i noticed Pluto IS at 29 degrees Sag now. for some reason i didnt think it had reached that degree yet)

Pluto square Moon: Subversive tactics

Beginning of March 2007 until end of September 2009: This influence produces very intense experiences in your emotional and personal life, and it will test your innermost psychological workings. You may be forced to dig down deeper inside yourself than you have ever done before to get the answers you need at this time.

On the psychological level, this influence dredges up past behavior patterns that may be quite inadequate for the present. Or it may bring up memories from the past that somehow affect the present. Driven by compulsions and irrational drives, you may do things that you would not do if you were entirely clear about yourself. Deep psychological changes are taking place that should not be ignored or swept under the rug. Instead, you should understand them.

In your personal life, this influence can bring an emotional power struggle with someone. Such a struggle can be quite destructive, because the tactics are very subversive, perhaps including manipulation of guilt, jealousy or sense of duty. You will not attempt to wield power directly and nakedly, which your opponent could fight easily. It takes extremely clear perception to see exactly what is happening.

This influence also may signify a relationship in which you feel fascinated by the other person, even though you feel that the relationship is bad for you. You seem unable to get away. Actually you are experiencing a repressed aspect of yourself through the other person.

In your domestic life there may be significant changes, which are external reflections of your inner change. Your most intimate life is the most perfect manifestation of your inner psyche and is therefore most affected. You may find that considerable tension builds up between you and those closest to you, and there may be some very emotional confrontations. You may also change your residence or make significant changes in your present one, and these will reflect changes within you.

posted January 05, 2008 05:49 PM         

quote:

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and to you too, teaselbaby. It's been awhile.
I still have that pretty Christmas card you sent me last year. Hope you had a nice holiday this year. All the best in the New Year. ((hugs))

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posted January 05, 2008 07:12 PM         

quote:

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AG, that's interesting, i almost started a thread last week on the effects of transiting Pluto squaring one's natal moon. I wanted to find out how others experienced it or got through it. Pluto is now transiting my 12th house and natal moon in the 8th. bleck. no fun. (and just think, it's not even exact yet. oy.) I'm sure youve read the short report describing it on astro.com

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quote:

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Not to get all who-dhoo on you, but i think as a whole we are all in the middle of making a major "transition". Whatever that means. Hang in there and take it easy on yourself.

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This is a scary transit – sometimes it feels like you are at the end of your rope and hanging over a pond full of crocodiles. Sometimes you feel like all your emotions are trapped inside a dark leaden-shielded cave with no ingress/egress and no air to breathe. Sometimes it takes all your will power just to put one foot in front of the other and slog thru the day. Sometimes the fear takes you around the neck in a stranglehold and it’s all you can do to keep a full-blown panic attack at bay.

That was not written in a doom’n’gloom way and implying the entire transit is negative – it was just the way I felt during parts of the transit. Other times I experienced a lot of joy, silliness, self-confidence and satisfaction.

I’m finally out the other side of that ghastly transit (Moon 26 Pisces 8th). Pluto squared Luna from my 4th. I’m different now, but I won’t know for awhile yet just how and where I’ve changed – it’ll take new situations and challenges and the way I meet them to show that to me. It’s like experiencing the reality shift of stepping outside yourself momentarily and seeing yourself from a whole new angle – only years-long. This baby will test all the emotional courage you both have. I can’t say whence the test will come, but AG, I think this one will be about other people for you (Pluto 8H, Moon 5H) – whereas T, I feel this one’s all about your insides (well, that was a silly thing to write – all transits are about one’s own insides ), what I mean is Pluto transiting your 12th and possibly blowing apart/exposing what has been hidden. I have Pluto in the 12th natally. Funny we all had/have Pluto transiting Watery houses…..

posted January 05, 2008 08:14 PM         

Right now, I'm having a minor little bump in the road. Will be resolved within the month.

I'm also going to seek to ramp up for a change of address early this year. I wanna get out of this stale, stagnant house by March or April.

It's supposed to be a good year for me. We'll see.