posted February 06, 2011 12:48 AM
I really don't care to censor myself anymoreI'm tired of feeling bad for feeling
I love and I love the only way I know how
I'm not sorry if it confuses or is "too much "
I make no excuses for being out of place
I can't see what comes next and that's ok
I'm done being attached, and obsession is exhausting
I can't be anything I'm not designed to be
I'm done with judging what comes from someone else
I'm at the wits end of questioning what's real
I'm on my knees crying with clairity
The first time I've felt it in years
Why am I so free in this heightened moment,
So lost in feeling lost I can't seem to care?
I am finished being human and grounding
I can't take another day of tearing the pieces of me apart
If I love you, I let you know it,
I can't ask the same of you; it's not my place
I love you all in the only way I know how
imperfect I am, please know that now
We share a love of life, and that is all that matters
All I know is to be honest and be me
I can't play the games anymore, I have to let it go
If we can't talk for a while don't take it personally
I need to find my path, so desperately
And finding it can't be accomplished with anyone else but me
I shed the skins of past pain and feeling worthless in someone else's eyes
I shed the need for you to love me the way I want you to
I'm torn but whole as I type these words,
Let me elevate to where I must transcend all this pettniess
I can finally breathe for the first time in so damn long
I know the night will envelope me and warmly embrace as it's meant to be
I need the rawness of this pain to bring me up, deeply hurt,
It's the only way I'll find the door on my path
I shake and tremble in the way I move,it hurts so deep I cannot explain,
Guide me on this path and make my way not smooth,
I'll find the best lessons in what doesn't work
I can't be the girl who is cut off from love,
but that must begin with loving me
I can't stand my own face in the mirror most days
and that's hard to admit
The core of me is ashamed to say how much I can't stand me
The ego wants to say I don't feel that but I do
I can't love what I despise, from my father's features to the shade of my complexion
it all eats me up in self-hatred
I purge these uncertainties from my system
and watch them rush down the drain in satisfaction
I need to be here, washing my past pain away to ever feel whole
I need to be done with this drama and what it does to my soul
I find peace in the most unlikely places and in the space in between
Where my musings makes sense, and no one hears my cries and screams...