Posts: 9743
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 05, 2011 04:28 PM            

---

After a night of Hell
And wondering last night if I was dying it was so bad, worse since 1999...

>>>>>>>>deleted/edited<<<<<<<<

Ok this was no poem
just a mad rant
forged from hours of agony
crying for a release from all this torture
I want to love and live and laugh.
I am exhausted.
Deep breath.
Sigh.
Keep telling self
It will get better
It will get better
Happiness and love are there waiting.
I will get there.
I will get there.
I have to.
I need that.
I want that.
Gods give me the strength.

------------------
"The thought of suicide is a great source of comfort; with it a calm passage is to be made across many a bad night." - Friedrich Nietzsche.♥
Abundant Love♥ I have and freely give♥
Because the stream never ends♥

IP: Logged

Posts: 25795
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 05, 2011 07:03 PM            

---

((( )))

IP: Logged

Posts: 9743
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 05, 2011 07:43 PM            

---

Thank you Randall{{{hugs}}}
I will make it.
Somehow I will.
Knowing I am loved and have someone to love makes all the difference.
Money is my only real obstacle and will be overcome as soon as possible!
Then all the nay saying and jealousy from other(s) cannot hold me back at all!
I just got to hold on to my happy dreams and plans and keep moving onward to make them my reality!

------------------
"The thought of suicide is a great source of comfort; with it a calm passage is to be made across many a bad night." - Friedrich Nietzsche.♥
Abundant Love♥ I have and freely give♥
Because the stream never ends♥

IP: Logged

Posts: 25795
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 06, 2011 10:26 AM            

---

I concur.

IP: Logged

Posts: 1118
From: India
Registered: Mar 2011

posted June 06, 2011 10:47 AM            

---

Get well soon LEXX. We are missing you at LL!

IP: Logged

Posts: 9743
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 06, 2011 02:42 PM            

---

Thank you Randall.{{{hugs}}}
Today better, a stalemate, but for now
just holding on and riding this out one moment at a time.

IP: Logged

Posts: 9743
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 06, 2011 02:47 PM            

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by abcd efg:
Get well soon LEXX. We are missing you at LL!

---

Thank you!
I am here at LL everyday, posting usually at least once even on bad days. I also try to avoid getting into dramas so do not post as much.
However I am here every day at least a few times.
I am disabled for nigh onto a quarter century to date, so barring a miracle, I will not get totally better but remissions are sure nice!

IP: Logged

Posts: 9743
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 08, 2011 12:29 AM            

---

Sylvia Plath was a poet and writer.

Her verse was emotional and often autobiographical.

Sylvia Plath committed suicide at thirty.

Sylvia Plath Quotes

Sylvia Plath (1932-1963)

************************

"I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want

and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want.

And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades,

tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life.

And I am horribly limited."

***********************

"It is a feeling that no matter what the ideas or conduct of others,

there is a unique rightness and beauty to life which can be shared in openness,

in wind and sunlight,

with a fellow human being who believes in the same basic principles."

***********************

"I wanted change and excitement and to shoot off in all directions myself,

like the colored arrows from a Fourth of July rocket."

***********************

Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything it is because we are dangerously near wanting nothing.

------------------
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Nikola Tesla
~There is no box.~H♥
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
}><}}}(*>~

IP: Logged

Posts: 9743
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 08, 2011 01:03 AM            

---

The great thing about suicide is that it's not one of those things you have to do now or you lose your chance. I mean, you can always do it later.
by Harvey Fierstein

Yeah still gloomy.
Trying to reach escape velocity from my current living conditions.
I will make it
I will make it
I will make it
numb
exhausted
angry
but I also know I have love and happiness waiting for me.
So
I won't do myself in.
But this pit I am being held in sure is draining me hard.
Trying to take steps to get out
but so many things demanded of the pit before I can escape.....
Hogging my precious time, preventing me from doing what I want and need to do.
It is so hard to think, to be creative, when living in a pit with sad desperation and selfish jealousy clawing at one.
I am doing my best but its not enough.
Gods I need a miracle!

IP: Logged

Posts: 6123
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 08, 2011 02:46 AM            

---

Lexx!!

IP: Logged

Posts: 757
From: PA
Registered: Mar 2010

posted June 11, 2011 04:37 AM            

---

IP: Logged

Posts: 1642
From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted March 03, 2013 10:50 PM            

---

Things have gotten worse, not better in the years since I started this thread.
Still pushing onward best I can muster.
Some folks here at LL have said I should just kill myself; as they said they would if they were me.
I do get very down, but I am needed, so for now, I will try to do my best for others and try not to be such a burden.
It is weird reading my old threads.

IP: Logged