posted April 24, 2012 08:37 PM
I wrote this awhile ago to get it "out", then looked back and realized how many keywords directly relate to my own planets. Venus/Pluto/Mars Stellium inconjunct Moon - Me
Can you guess the most prominent synastry aspect with me and the guy I'm talking about?
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Do you love him?
How much time do you have?
Do you love him?
I have no choice.
That's not very romantic.
I'm sorry. What would you prefer me to say?
Do you love him?
Let me explain, and then you can tell me.
I don't think many people feel it in their life times. It's strange, it's everywhere, it's almost always in your face. People talk about violence and sex being the major themes in society today, and while those are major players, the true major theme in society... one that you can't go a day without hearing about, unless you make a specific effort... is love.
If there is something so ingrained in our society, on the tv, on the internet, billboards, magazines, movies... a person wants to experience it. It's everywhere, and pushed on to us that everyone has or will experience it in our life times. It is an abstract concept explained in fragments through all types of media. And because it is an abstract concept that is fragmented in this type of way, people can learn to pick and choose what they experience and draw the conclusion that what they are experiencing is love.
An example; if everyone believed in ghosts. If the concept of ghosts was on the same display as love. All of society would want to experience a ghost in their lifetime. Then, a person one day experiences a sudden unexplained chill. That person would say that they have experienced a ghost.
Whatever this is, this is not a pleasant feeling.
I fought it. I tried to push it away. I tried to turn it into something else. I tried to ignore it.
This is not a pleasant feeling. It's a feeling that creeps into your skin, into your bone marrow, into your dna. It takes ahold and changes everything that it touches. And you feel it. It burns your veins and makes it feel as if every nerve ending in your body has been pulled out and is responding to every slight breeze. You lose the ability to concentrait on anything, and you feel like you have the flu all the time.
And it's permanant.
It doesn't go away, it doesn't ebb, wax or wane. It is there, digging deeper in to you with every waking and sleeping moment. It feels just like a virus and all your body wants is to reject it. To get it out of the system and return to normal. But there is no cure, once it's in, it keeps digging and changing everything it touches, until you are no longer who you were. You are who you were, but also something different entirely.
And now you have to learn to live with it. You have to learn how to function normally even when the wind blows and makes you want to jump out of your skin for no decernable reason. You have to learn how to not obsess over the only thing your mind returns to when not specifically active.
Then you see the person. This person who's infected you with this... this thing.
A split second turns into an eternity as your body flashes between the possibility of fight or flight. Examining the various possible outcomes, attack or run, destroy or flee. Before the decision is made, something new happens, the sickness infecting your body evolves into something else entirely. Happiness, like a flashbang, touching every inch of previously infected tissue.
You look away and the happiness disapates, like a drug, your body goes into withdrawl. You need more, and it is just. not. fair.
How the other person feels about you means nothing. As much as that goes against conventional belief, it's true. It means nothing. The feeling is not dictacted by how the other person feels, it is a fact, it is who you are now. While a return in sentiment would be more pleasant and a rejection would be more unpleasant, it still means nothing. It is still something that must be managed, regardless of outside stimulation.
The worst part about it is the underlying core, the seed in which everything else has sprung. The core that anyone who is infected with this particular virus has, and those that do not have it are not truly infected.
Loyalty.
That looks like such an innocent, harmless, and positive word, doesn't it? Don't let it fool you, it is a double edged sword. Loyalty, much like love, is not a choice. It happens, you may not choose for it to happen, but when it does... it can bring great rewards or it can bring great destruction.
Should the person in question ever discover the depth of loyalty, it could be used, it could be abused. You could commit extemely henious acts enthusiastically, against your will, because of loyalty. You could react to situations in extremely possesive ways out of protection of the individual, ways that would not be normal to your personality.
If it's there, and you've never honestly experienced it before, there is no way to determine how you will act or react.
Two edges, equally dangerous. The only thing that can weild it is trust. You must trust yourself, and you must trust the other person.
Or you can leave. There is no happy medium. It's a do or die situation.
So you tell me, do I love him?
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Astrology Activism: The constant strive to not just learn the intricate details of Astrology but the desire to constantly find new ways to prove that it exists in a scientific manner.
Failure to incorporate the later into your work is akin to learning how to cure cancer but not sharing it with anyone.