Posts: 36
From: Mumbai, Maharashtra, India
Registered: Jan 2013

posted January 27, 2013 06:23 AM            

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Beneath the sky, the white-blue sky,
Sits a boy, asking, “Why?”
Why always him, and never others?
The times he was hurt, the memories he gathers.

Thinking long and deep, deep as ever,
Sometimes wanting to give up, but goes on, however!
Exploring his skills, his self like never,
Writing a poem, spilling emotions all over.

In rage, he seeks revenge, but waits,
How could he hurt back? For they were his mates.
Being ignored, never given back what he gave,
This is the cause, of his problems so grave.

But as someone looks at him, a smiling face he wears,
For if he showed his true self, really, who cares?
For him the saying is true, famous forever,
“Never judge a book on its cover.”

So deep and vast, is his sea of emotions,
Always striving hard, to keep his relations.
Although so considerate and selfless he is,
Mostly ignored, sent into the abyss

To sorrows of others, he listens in silence,
Sincerely and genuinely, searching the root of their violence.
Hanging on to every word, erasing their loneliness,
Making them feel better, rising to happiness.

And yet if the boy himself has anything to share,
Very few are available, to genuinely care.
For all find it boring, not at all interested,
Getting a painful surprise, from those he trusted.

Fully honest and true, he keeps his feelings,
But doesn’t get the same, in his everyday dealings.
Being used by others, for their own benefits
When realization dawns, is thrown out of his wits.

Alas! The boy is as adamant as ever,
Let others know of his sadness? “Never!”
For he fears being perceived as weak and vulnerable,
Stripped off his pride, would make him unstable.

Living with the people besting him everywhere,
Making him think, he’s useless and bare.
Still patient, he tries himself more,
Hoping that someday, his life would make a good lore.

Amidst all the competition and confusion all over,
He searches for a good friend, a partner, a lover.
Full of hope, that someday life will shine,
Giving him energy, as red as wine.

And then an antidote, his father gave,
Peace sweeping, like a soothing wave.
Changing his perception, giving him new set of eyes,
Transforming him, into both dignified and wise.

The world seemed different, but perhaps it was the same,
Only the way to look mattered, in which change came.
He expected less, and so he got more,
Lightening the weight, of the sadness he bore.

Little by little, his ego rose,
Crushing beneath it, all his foes.
Understanding self-worth, now his self-confidence unfazed,
Going back to normalcy, his sadness erased.

Slowly enjoying his new found skill,
Writing and writing, gathering up will,
Each verse giving him peace and pleasure,
Enjoying the time spending in leisure.

Beneath the sky, the gold-red sky,
Sits a boy, his spirits high.

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Posts: 1775
From: 6,000 feet above sea level
Registered: Feb 2010

posted January 27, 2013 11:57 PM            

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Wonderful!

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Posts: 158
From: Ireland
Registered: Nov 2012

posted January 28, 2013 05:35 AM            

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Amazing poem, just beautiful

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Posts: 3463
From:
Registered: Jul 2011

posted January 28, 2013 07:01 AM            

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I can't read this poem! Got halfway down and started missing my Virgo ex-boyfriend too much.

TOO ACCURATE

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Posts: 36
From: Mumbai, Maharashtra, India
Registered: Jan 2013

posted January 28, 2013 07:38 AM            

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Thank you, all.. it makes me feel better to share with the world, what i went through, and your appreciation just increases my content.
And Faith, my heart goes to him, because i know how he would feel about your break-up

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Posts: 476
From: us
Registered: May 2012

posted January 28, 2013 06:40 PM            

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Moon in Virgo/.... ..."O, I feel overjoyed, for you listened to my words"

BASTILLE// Overjoyed (Acapella) [3:13] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZKu_q3qFPk

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Posts: 36
From: Mumbai, Maharashtra, India
Registered: Jan 2013

posted January 29, 2013 08:11 AM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by mirage29:
Moon in Virgo/.... ..."O, I feel overjoyed, for you listened to my words"

BASTILLE// Overjoyed (Acapella) [3:13] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZKu_q3qFPk

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That song so aptly defined what i was feeling. That was awesome!!
Thanx fellow Virgo!!

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Posts: 24
From:
Registered: Dec 2012

posted January 29, 2013 01:38 PM            

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Nice poem. You had a really nice story going there - but may I make a small suggestion? You are good with rhyme - so when you are at it - try to infuse a certain amount of attitude into your poem. That is to say - a certain "accent" if you will. So that the narrator's identity can be judged. What is a poem? Words are basically used for communication - a poem is someone (the poet) saying something to someone else (the reader). Obviously the writer has an attitude because the writer is a person and a person has attitude coz he's human. This poem tells the story of a boy, and we can assume that the story is either being told by the boy's girlfriend or a very close friend. In either case, we cannot discern anything about the narrator's character - whether the person is jovial or carefree or sad etc. I am just theorizing of course and I may be wrong. But that's my opinion for what its worth. Do pitch in if you think otherwise - and I apologize if I seemed too harsh or critical in any way.

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Posts: 36
From: Mumbai, Maharashtra, India
Registered: Jan 2013

posted January 29, 2013 01:53 PM            

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Thanx, taureau... i always accept advises from readers, that's what sharpens a person's skills. And as for the poem, it's about me, i gave my story a third person look.. i felt narrating my own story would help the readers understand better. And I'll surely try revealing some characteristics of my personality in my future poems. Also, this was my first attempt at poetry, the first one i ever made, so it has flaws.. Do check my other poems, I'd be glad to hear your opinions on them

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