posted November 30, 2013 03:51 AM            

Soooo well-written and Expressed!!

{{{{{ }}}}}

What an outpouring!....
Pain, Terrible Grief, From The Most-Pure Innocent Deep Preserved Loving Heart of CORE You!

posted November 30, 2013 01:03 PM            

QUOTED translation---
The man, the man, the armed man,
The armed man
The armed man should be feared, should be feared.
Everywhere it has been proclaimed
That each man shall arm himself
With a coat of iron mail.

"L'Homme Arme" (The Armed Man) was a French secular song from the time of the Renaissance.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%27homme_arm%C3%A9

(music.history) L'Homme arme [original motif] (Dufay) [:42] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHNMgDIk1QI

(music) The Armed Man [From 'Mass for Peace'] (BY Karl Jenkins) [6:26] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0ukmBAJTA0

^ in this 2nd piece, wait through the intro... it's worth it when the singers get into their stomping and chanting

posted November 30, 2013 01:23 PM            

for our dear Metal Aphrodite... May you feel soothed, and Be at peace within yourself!

posted November 30, 2013 05:02 PM            

I cried TOO when I read your poem in the early dark hours here this morning.... and I had seen a couple other posts earlier in the evening (SP) where you were 'describing' things that have happened to you in your life. I'm soooo sorry you were "hurt" like that!

My Heart flows with Compassion for you.... And I remember my own days of being abused.

Your 'carbon-dioxide' breathing.... references to 'crossing over to a life that doesn't involve separating My Heart from my love of others'--- All these words you spoke just seized my OWN Heart.

I love the way your belonging to a FATHER can ALSO REFLECT on perhaps your relationship to your HigherPowers.... When we've BEEN betrayed by earthly Fathers or male figures (even females) who have used their power to abuse the Beauty of the Daughter, then SOMETIMES there can feel like there's a Block to being able to turn to our Spiritual "Heavenly Authority" for some comfort.... I know people who cannot relate to God anymore because a role-model or authority 'let them down'.... Now they feel the same about God, (or your Goddess).

May you come to find a place in your life where you won't have to hold back your special Love inside....

YOU are Valuable

posted November 30, 2013 06:06 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mirage29:
MA... if I have mis-interpreted your poem altogether, please feel free to let me know?

(Sometimes I can do that.... Our Pearlty here knows and she has been such a saint about it here for me! {hug!} arrrgh--- My frozen feelings are beginning to thaw out; my frozen life begins to come alive, again... I risk, and share my feelings....)

---

posted December 03, 2013 03:37 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mirage29:
.... Hoping you're having a good day!

---

You edited your post lol. Why?

posted December 03, 2013 06:05 PM            

Metal Aphrodite, I didn't think you had read it yet.....

I'm a bold shy-person, or, well-maybe it's that I'm a shy bold-person. Ah, well!

*Gemini* I 'contain multitudes'!

Sorry... Didn't mean to disappoint?

Truth is.... Overnight, I got a little nervous-- Wondered if I had perhaps shared "too much" about me. (I've been feeling really "talkative" lately!~~ oh no!)

THEN, I got a case of cold feet....

I realize I was being VERY opinionated about some "sensitive" topics --- Maybe a bit 'outspoken' on my views on mainly, religion....

I have very metaphysical-esoteric beliefs... I am deeply in-love with God, and have been for mostly all my life.... Some may call me a mystic.

I just LOVE THE LORD with my whole Being. AND I want people to know that I have a broad, inclusive, accepting perspective on "beliefs" and belief-systems.... I've had broad experiences, met and been with many people from diverse backgrounds. I have had some 'religious experiences' (a la William James, mystics). Talking about it is taking risks... When people don't 'know' what that is, then it's hard for me to talk about it.

Perhaps I'm making a mistake when I "think" that people 'wouldn't understand me. It's 'just the language'....

I'm learning that I MUST try to slow down when I read other's posts. AND, I'm afraid that if people are chunk-reading my posts, then they are NOT going to 'understand' what I said....

Poem

A MOOD APART,
by Robert Frost

Once down on my knees to growing plants
I prodded the earth with a lazy tool
In time with a medley of sotto chants.
But becoming aware of some boys from school
Who had stopped outside the fence to spy
I stopped my song and almost heart.
For an eye is an evil eye
That looks in onto a mood apart.

posted December 05, 2013 02:46 PM            

I am a Gemini as well lol. June 3.

I'm working on combining the many facets of my personality so that I have one face to work with. One personality to represent my one, attempting-to-be whole heart.

This poem touches upon my foundation in the Father God of Christianity and my growing interest in the other half of the whole, the Goddess. Idk, I'm still exploring myself and attempting to understand everything as-is.

I'm not sure what else to say about myself that can be of interest to you?

posted December 05, 2013 04:17 PM            

quote:

---

Why should I not quote the whole post?

---

Depends LARGELY on the Forum--- and the "types of things" being openly discussed (for me)...

I like to give the other person a chance to share something private, but leave them with the option to delete (or crop parts of) their comment after the sharing exchanges have moved on to different subjects or bents. I've noticed how sets of 'friends' among the forums extend each other that 'courtesy'.... Fosters "trust," MA.

Also allows people to 'refine' any coarse statements they may have made in a fit of anger, or despair... Lets people refine unclear phrases, or correct overt mistakes in grammar, spelling, or wrong word choices [e.g. hurtle vs hurdle]. ...

In my own posts, I DO like to keep to the "meaning" or message I was trying to make. May keep writing, editing, saying the same thing UNTIL I achieve more clarity, OR until that 'other' person has responded.

So GENERALLY, if someone leaves an icon or an indication that they've 'read it', then I mostly LEAVE it as-is.

When I've "first-posted" a long post, I'm usually reading it over (in the first minutes afterwards) to "make sure" that it generally says what I 'mean' to say.....

LL website has no "Print Preview" feature, or a Pre-Posting before the Final Version. I'm the kind of person who needs to visually "see" the copy--- in order to FIND where I may have missed 'saying certain things' as I really "meant" to say it.

(Again, I don't have a writing software on this borrowed computer... so EVERY post I submit feels so "raw" to me. Oh! Can be soooo discomforting at times! )

quote:

---

by MA
I am a Gemini as well lol. June 3.

---

haaaa!!!! OKAY!! What JOY!!

quote:

---

I'm working on combining the many facets of my personality so that I have one face to work with. One personality to represent my one, attempting-to-be whole heart.

---

It's OKAY to "be yourself"...{{{ }}} DOWN at the CORE of your Being, you ARE... When a person has not received the 'validation' they needed as a child, and when they didn't get the chance to test and find out for themself that "you're okay," then there's the feeling that you need to cover your yukky 'unacceptable' self... This is the way of personality development... Happens to every human growing up. There's the need to develop a false 'face' (or a shield) that will 'make' society 'like' and accept you. It is a (normal) attempt to wall-off the yukky messages you received. You weren't "seen" for "Who" you are.... And people are fooled into believing that they don't Belong to a True Self inside.

Part of the journey is to discover "Who" is the Self that is peering through the eyeholes of that mask. It's the one who is looking out your eyes, thinking all the comments, deciding 'what part of you' is the right one to present.... The RightOne is the CORE... We must learn to live at Peace, from 'there'... We learn to begin and end from living IN that place-- which is Now. Which is Now. Which is Now. It's NORMAL to waiver... We make mistakes-- learn to flow. We are growing.... Accept yourself: ALL your selves. Every facet. And as I accept you, I am integrated.... and accept even more of my OWN whole-hearted Beauty of Self.

(music) Reflections (Mulan, animation) [2:01] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWooGBya_nk

quote:

---

This poem touches upon my foundation in the Father God of Christianity and my growing interest in the other half of the whole, the Goddess. Idk, I'm still exploring myself and attempting to understand everything as-is.

---

posted December 05, 2013 11:03 PM            

I'm the type of person who doesn't reveal anything that I'm not ready to stand up for. Grammatical errors, etc, are one thing, but I am willing to take in the good and bad when I share something that may or may not be potentially offensive to hear. That also means I am open to accepting outside comments. Otherwise, what's the point? Do I share these things to argue people to agree with me?

I think strong character and a person who stands for honor fosters "trust", not the ability to edit words at will.

I am a sun and Mercury Gemini, but the rest of me is solidly earth, including my middle and surname. My Venus and Jupiter are in water signs and Uranus and Saturn are in fire.

It's more than just discovering pieces of selves, but balancing inner VS outer self and balancing self VS world.

There is grief and pain that exists in this poem.

I feel the more "aware" of certain behaviors I become, the more existential my outlook is.

posted December 06, 2013 08:06 PM            

Fascinated by and curious about your method you're using to come into Healing and integration!.... creative!

I'm still tickled to find that you're a Gemini! What's your Rising? What House is your Sun-Mercury in Gem?

(my gem sun is in 6th, my gem mercury is conjunct SN in 7th... oos-cj marsCancer.)

(Is your chart posted anywhere?)

posted December 07, 2013 12:20 AM            

Capricorn Rising, Mars, and Neptune.
My Gemini Sun and Merc are in the 6th house.

posted December 07, 2013 11:47 AM            

My asc is sagi, but I have intercepted 3rd and 9th houses~~ To get interpretations I have to go back and forth between two risings to get 'full' info on some astrology sites I use. MOST of the time, though, seems to go by my Equatorial Ascendant (which is 2-deg Cappy).

Plus--- when I relocated, the geog shifted my IC/MC axis from Aries/Libra to Pisces/Virgo... That happened when I was 7 1/2. And with any of the places I've moved along the Eastern sea coast south of the New England states (where I was born). The moves left me in various degrees of that "Pisces-World" of 4th house (with new Virgo 10th~~ put my Moon into the "public" tenth house, instead of 9th).

Out west, (when I traveled), my life had a whole different feeling... (Didn't understand astrology at all back then, so didn't know how to 'explain' energy shiftings to myself... It was like I did NOT know 'me' anymore out there, and I felt the MOST alone.) Some places I lived (SW) ended up having VERY 'dangerous' vibes for me - stalked by 'dark' crime.... (I still shudder! ooooo....)

NOW!! ~~~ I'm the kind of person who Believes in second chances.... I default towards the Belief that I can Create a "NEW" perspective and reality for myself.... AND------ "These" are the 'background issues'--- the "patterns of perceptions" I've wrestled during THIS lifetime.

The thing that 'has been' (until now) for me, is that I always felt like 'the outsider' wherever I went. ~~ Even though I would LOVE to get close to people, it has seemed to be my lot that no one was interested in 'including me' or try to understand or 'bond' with me in any way~~ And if/when a few did, it was to "use" (abuse) me-- wrong use of Power by Authority. Betrayal, Abuse. Being "used" despicably.... as an 'object'.... Hence, this only served to "reinforce" the feelings that 'I'm not safe' to just "Be" myself around Others~~ Gave a pervasive feeling of being THAT isolated person I've felt inside me. I "FEEL" like I have explosions of Love to give, cascades and cascades of Loving.... But "how safe" can *I* be to 'open up' and "receive" some love back WITHOUT 'getting abused' in the process (want a cookie? For me? oh yes, please, thankyou! SLLLLAPPPPP! here you go!~~)

I never "solved" that riddle. Like needing to eat, but the thing you're eating is what's making you sick or toxified. (~raw part of the deal in life for me is NOT being able to 'access' the resources myself, but continually being stuck into a position of reliance on Relationship ~~ which (up until now?) ~~ that causes deeper harms, deeper costs than benefits~~ out of balance, and this scares me because I don't know how to break this pattern (right now, but am willing to learn)... Some people THINK they "teach" me by using all kinds of dark insults. nope! just makes it worse. A neutral kind rational explaining (from the standpoint of being "for" me, being "on my side" reaps MUCH productive change for my life. "Insults = HA... go eff!" -- Kind information = ahhh, oh I DO see "that"... wow, thanks! (Frankly, I don't see the point of people hiring and paying coaches to ABUSE them... ABUSE is NOT a 'motivation' for me!... Then, on the other hand, THEY didn't have to live with 'my mother'! nor attend strict parochial schools back in those 'olden' days! haha)

(Sometimes I wonder if that's the Venus Opp Saturn-rx in my life ~~~~ Safe to GIVE, but can't RECEIVE or there's a "punishment" for receiving/taking something you "personally" need to 'survive'... They give, perhaps only in order to 'make fun' of you: WATCHING you take the 'bait', then you get all poisoned from it. That's when "their" Big guffaw laugh-moment happens... It was all at "my" expense. It is all designed for "their" total amusement and pleasure~~ all the while, playing ME for becoming their trusty 'Fool', which deeply deeply and most-darkly hurts inside-- serves to validate my personal feelings of self-degradation.... My self-criticism is 'not' for being degraded, but for 'being played the Fool'....

yeppers,,,,, gotta learn to love myself. If I learn to love "me" then "they" BECOME the 'Fools'.... BECAUSE of all the abuse I have had, BECAUSE I need to "learn" how to "trust" myself again, I feel (gently) that it's high time that Others come to 'understand' me from my 'broken' position. I AM NOT PERFECT! I break the rules, and am AWKWARD and confused by the "protocols"........ But with ME, you'll come to a DEEP appreciation--- I am gentle. I am sensitive. I am WYSYWYG honest with YOU...... now, can YOU "prove" to be 'that Same' with me.... "Who" are you.... deeply-really? What is it in YOU that I should trust?.... (oy~~~~ getting so 'philosophical'..... Please take all this in a 'general' sense. I am a 'human being' and not a commodity. I have costs AND BENEFITS.... I 'personally' believe there are great benefits, if you can 'tolerate' and understand this history I have had. I BELIEVE in all my Heart in the wonders of Healing Wonderful Lives... What do YOU believe in? (rhetorical to 'those' who are out there reading these posts between me and MA, and whoever else wants to join in? )

But then, that's the "Line"~~~ We are FORCED to have to 'depend' on others in this lifetime. (Especially looking at the "set'up" I'm given in my chart--- fiercely independent, LOADS to give, but IMPEDED in being able to 'give' because the flow channels of having my OWN basic needs met is 'broken'... I am FORCED to 'have' to receive. Add to it now, over the years.... the 'receive' part needs healing and replacement. It's broke. That's that. And "they" can laugh their ***** off and make amusemenst for themselves ridiculing my situation....

Oh well, as my mother would say, "It's better for them to laugh at YOU[me], than someone else who didn't deserve it."
~~~ *yeah, it's pitiful... I got fed poop with my apple-butter* (some moms are like that... my own mom was a gemmi-- her MarsGEM was the SAME degree as my SunGEM. Made no bones about telling me she 'didn't like me'... in fact, she was my abuser. My MoonVirgo squares my MarsCancer. Her SunGEM is on my asteroid having to do with 'dealing with people or situations that are deranged' which is bQ my Saturn-rxScorpio11th; and the asteroid for 'how to deal with rejection, despair, high expectations, sublimation, and 'finding' what you're looking for was under the Will of her Sun also. Good thing I had asteroid of "grace under pressure, having to endure, having audacity" present in THAT same degree ALSO... in order to "assist" me through that process.... The Universe is good!)

Found out recently that people with 6th House Suns can "feel" a sense of isolation like that-- And from MY own chart, it's especially so, in that my Sun is considered "unaspected" from there (traditional astrology).

I have LOTS of aspects to my Moon Virgo... but from an (intercepted-9th) place~~ Some astrologers say that these intercepted planets make your ability to "use" that planet effectively in your life, null...

Weird way~~~ Both my "luminaries" were handicapped....? I feel as though I live my life "as" the mirage... There to help people "see" reflections of 'what IS', but reflected from 'somewhere else' --- The play of mirrors and water in the atmospheres of our planet Earth. The objects EXIST, but unless you are aware of the phenomenon, you don't know "how" to "locate" or identify it... e.g. A ship spotted in the middle of a desert; the oasis that may or may not BE where the object "appears"... True object, perhaps in a false location-- or true object in true location. So hard to figure out... reflecting.

I have minor aspects 'sun sequi Neptune' (hinders ability to fix my concentration~~ BUT when I've 'got it' I bite into the flow with a bulldog grip and try to hold on as long as I can); and Sun semisquare Uranus.

What "lights up" my chart are the Asteroids... below the traditional planets on the grid. I have the least number of objects appearing in Mutable Water-- (my intercepted 3rd).

I don't know how much astrology you've delved, MA.... ? This is all 'seat of the pants' learning for ME. But I gotta tell you, whatever "experiential" learning I've had counts HEAVILY in my self-education!

(..... I'm just 'buying some time' here, talking about my own chart, while you look for the link to yours-- )

Metal Aphrodite?, Do you 'mind' us speaking about our shared astrology? Do you mind my being so open about my own?

posted December 07, 2013 01:46 PM            

He would listen to this song, and cry his heart out!~~ (I miss this person so much! What a blessing his young life and his friendship was to me! )

(music) Leader of The Band (Dan Fogelberg) [4:21] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQmkoMZyvOQ

...for the memory of my friend

youtube included these LYRICS in the comment section

Lyrics:
LEADER OF THE BAND
Dan Fogelberg

An only child
Alone and wild
A cabinet maker's son
His hands were meant
For different work
And his heart was known
To none --
He left his home
And went his lone
And solitary way
And he gave to me
A gift I know I never
Can repay

A quiet man of music
Denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once
But his music wouldn't wait
He earned his love
Through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand.

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul --
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy
To the leader of the band.

My brothers' lives were
Different
For they heard another call
One went to chicago
And the other to st. paul
And I'm in colorado
When I'm not in some hotel
Living out this life I've chose
And come to know so well.

I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go --
I thank you for the kindness
And the times when you got tough
And, pap, I don't think i
Said 'i love you' near enough --

posted December 07, 2013 03:06 PM            

Found my chart. Can you tell me what you can see from this?

posted December 07, 2013 10:41 PM            

I love it that we have similar houses.

We both have fire Pallas square earth Moon ~~ significant (I think) regarding feelings of being alienated from our own feminine (or earthly mother-energy?)... just my musings.

-----
Oh! And I'm so glad that I offered to look at your chart. Made me find my astrology books (packed in my bins).

I wanted to find my Robert Hand's Planets In Transit book again. Wanted to find the significance of some of your transits, and was significantly rewarded to find some descriptions for my own~~

I've got transiting 'Mars Square Mars', PLUS transiting 'Mars conjunct MC', AND just finished transiting 'Mars over my Moon'.

Sheesh! yes!... that "explains" to me what contributed to highlighted 'feelings' that I didn't want anyone to 'mess' with me! (I'd been teased by brothers & dad growing up~~ merciless. Teasing can be a sign of 'affection' but there's a point where it can be taken too far~~ which of course they couldn't seem to resist at times!) ... I feel better now.... Information (to me) is 'calming'....