posted February 24, 2014 09:23 PM            

I'll catch up here later... and hope you are well and back up soon.... *bheart*

With my absence, at first it started with BLASTINGS of abusive soundsystems of neighbors acting out;

then it was the return of a home-problem from the day Neptune first entered Pisces at 0-degrees; which-combination of BOTH made me physically depleted.

But then I pushed my body too hard too, trying to keep commitments.

Haven't been active here... just felt too sick. I'm just making 'an appearance', but unsure about getting some 'good solid' time to post again...

What? hmmm.... hey~~ actually, that's kinda like "good luck" for me. seems anytime I say 'I don't think I'll get time', then the space has just opened-up for me to grab it as I could..... sppppooookky.

Well, here's hoping your "creeps" leave soon... like I hope MINE do too! *laughing* arrrghhhh & ugh!

(They were sonically disturbing early, but stopped... so I got the chance to post.)

{Since I've begun to open up and share my stories with you, please see recent posting in 'Health & Healing' forum---, under JustAmanda, and her request for Love & Light for Friend Lisa and Family...}
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum3/HTML/003297.html

Love you too, Pearlty... Please get healthy quickly! You and me got some WRITING to do!....

Pearlty.... Could I have your permission to use your "Scarecrow" poem... in a thread? I'd like to use it with ref to you, and post "that flow response" which your poem inspired-- ('getting the stuffins' knocked out'... )

Did you ever see the Movie "Precious"... I saw the last half of it yesterday afternoon on tv. omg...!!!

It was based on an actual story... Documentary-like approach, very different. BUT this is WORTH wading through it... utterly profound.

I think maybe it's in the bounds of things you have interests in with your poetry and writings... May be 'hard' to watch with a sensitive heart... (I was glad for the 'pause' button on the remote.)

(clip) Precious (2009, trailer)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sO1U9xCSOiA

posted February 25, 2014 10:32 AM            

I think it is these erratic weather patterns from tepid spring days then back to snow and cold. Mixed with some lack of sleep/tensions it brought the resistance down. Took it easy the last day or so and I feel much better.

Mirage I read the link you provided. Sad.

and your personal story.. thank you for sharing. It brought me back to a similar reminiscence- except I was in the position as your friend was. I befriended and took a girl under my wing so to speak, alas we were older though when she decided she didn't want to be here anymore.

I can remember school age and her waiting for me everyday by the door in the morning. I would be with a group of kids, and I would tell them I'll catch up with you guys later, and they would look at me and this girl bewildered with snobbery in their eyes as to why I would walk with her into school each day. I didn't care- she was nice, and the thoughtful gesture that she waited for me was touching. It's a privilege to be thought of as a careful person- careful enough someone trusts you with their vulnerabilities and sorrows. I've had that responsibility given to me a few times within life in various situations, and I never took it for granted. My parents God love them both instilled qualities which decades later have never left...even when life proved hard or sullen during difficult periods.

“I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again.”~Penn

Coinciding- I love your thought here..

"The Universe showed me the lessons about The Underdogs of Life, and the transformations that can happen 'without one's even realizing' that *they* have done A Right and Good thing..Everyday we make the choice. Everyday, there's the single Battle that rages and must be won in the over arching Field of Life, for or against us."

It's a poignant thought to remember indeed- humbly without any returns expected, besides the boundless transformations which can transpire.(for the better)

Let's see you asked about the Scarecrow poem..sure you are welcome to it. I gave up the notion eventually that my poems are mine, they are for sharing. I gave up the notion of being guarded as well. As I mentioned before in a previous post I began to see that way of thinking was riddled with vanity and missed opportunities for embrace and closeness.

You mentioned towards the end of your post at Health/Healing about perfectionism and leaving your thoughts untouched by that. I wouldn't let that boggle you too much, I feel however you decidedly choose to convey meaning is beautifully eloquent either way.

The movie you mentioned, yes I did see that. Although I'm sensitive to the point of surmounting extremes. I don't mind learning about the subjects people have had to endure and experience. There is poetry to be found everywhere.

posted February 25, 2014 09:27 PM            

Thank you for reading through those very long posts I did. Thanks for your deep thoughtfulness, and for sharing another piece of your own life with me. Yes, it's hard to have someone enter our lives only to have them break away from us...

Always underneath tension.... to build up and fortify walls to keep people from hurting us again; but then if we don't take our chances we dry and wither without realizing it... until it's too late to change or do anything about it.

oh, just being philosophical tonight... Wanted to go to bed earlier, but I knew that if I'd go lay down that my emotions and thoughts would keep churning, and I'd just end up crying. At least here, I know my thoughts connect with someone, and they mean something 'outside' of myself...

Been wrestling with that security insecurity thing... I've come to realize how driven I can get (with all the Saturn Scorpio Capricorn I'm realizing in my chart... weird and so neat how astrology can just pop out patterns from flat lines on paper to magic 3D when my chart-brain kicks in. The groups of pieces meld chunks together... So rewarding of the time I put into it... but it DOES take time to pass to synthesize things. The marvel of learning and development...) My double-gemmy gets a keen double-whammy out of Learning.

But with joking aside, I love it sooo much. Like surreal joy. With astrology there are so many facets and stages. Get to exercise my mind, and learning is pure joy (of course), but most IMPORTANT thing is that it is actually-helping me solve my past. Part of my joy is the anticipation of 'getting my life' back. I feel such gratitude inside to all who have knowingly or unknowingly taught me. 'Oh feets, don't fail me now!'

The Tin-Man used to rust and seize up when he'd cry or get too wet --- he thought he needed a Heart. But people who cry?... They DO have a Heart. That's where the tears come from. The Tin-Man had one all along.... So Dorothy?

That reminds me... about your Scarecrow poem, Pearlty? I was only going to include your text, but still put YOUR name to the poem. I wouldn't think to take your words from you...

May be chickening out of the reposting it in my own created thread... Although when reread my print out, I 'actually' sorta liked what I had written in that 'flow' (and that's rare, for me). Was going to post it as 'response'... Then thought I could tweak and edit to make it a stand-alone. But somehow there's just more richness there to read your verse there first... And there I go again, making things sooo complicated-- sheesh! haha

(gotta go to bed right now... Of course, I typed pages and pages, then cropped the bulk of it-- but gained some interesting insight on some matters tonight doing it this way for tonight.)

Love you, Peartly. Take Good Care of Yourself!

No need to rush your response... Rest yourself up.

I have some errand days coming soon for me anyway. Stop and go, Stop and go. It would be so fine to have a regular time to just write... (Paper and pen in journaling book look like chunks of an editor's mess! The 'soapbox' ideas are so complicated that they would be difficult to post up-- but rich. One of these days I gotta own me a wordproccessor... before they go too out of style, hahaha)

posted February 26, 2014 03:32 AM            

The weather is a contributor imo. I've been struggling with germies too. Hopefully they'll bugger off quickly and then we can be our usual facies again.

posted February 28, 2014 12:41 PM            

I stopped and pondered on this thought of yours: "Always underneath tension.... to build up and fortify walls to keep people from hurting us again; but then if we don't take our chances we dry and wither without realizing it... until it's too late to change or do anything about it."

I can relate to that as its been a constant theme of mine as well. I started an online journal a couple years ago, wrote a little something each day. It definitely helped to break down some of those walls.

I know they sometimes say us Gemmy's are social creatures, but I don't fit that category. I have a few long time friends and rarely do I get the urge to go out and mingle. When I do go to a party or something I end up gravitating towards someone new and I sit with just them all night-listening intently to their life story. It's amazing to see the features lighten when someone eases up and feels comfortable. I often get the "you know when you walked in, I had you pegged as the opposite of how you are" Perhaps my countenance doesn't match the overly used perceptions many carry around? I have struck a balance though and try very hard to remain open and friendly. I often think of "Angels Unawares" and those 'you never know?' moments that end up being treasures.

I wish you a beautiful weekend, and hope you made some head-way with your errands and such. Thanks again for your lovely responses they always touch me deeply.

posted March 02, 2014 04:25 PM            

I agree about Mirage and her presence, she's a blessing! Reminds me of this quotation..

posted March 07, 2014 02:36 AM            

My 'sonic' problems with near neighbors has been some of the worst I've experienced now. It's accumulating its effects in me. They're bullying me. They KNOW I'm at a disadvantange, and am PARALYZED to make a saving move. It's like GRIDLOCK.

I've tried my very very best to do everything I can around it. It's been wearing at me. It makes my body feel so sick. But it made me feel extra SICK the past few days. And now, there's something "new".... I have become sorta "discouraged". Miss Cheerful here doesn't like to admit that... Nothing keeps me down for too long. But they have honed and "mastered" the art of boosting woofy beats and lowering 'heard-music' component. You can't "hear" them, but sometimes I can watch my lampshade shivering from what they do... It's like almost inaudible to others, but acts like a dog-whistle to a dog... only on MY body.

It's almost like inwardly bruising(?) my nervous system (if that's possible). Headache fired up last night... felt like the lining of my inside skull was burning... like inflammation.

They (5 units?) take turns harassing me, wearing me down. Their from the same background and culture. It's like a cruel sport. Been trying to break me for several years now, ON purpose.... I've been here longer than them.

The one with the two souped-SUVs has a small child inside as he blasts and tears through the tiny neighborhood-- laughs that he can "make" those car alarms trigger with his sonics. (When I lived further up the street in 2005, these kinds of powerful soundwaves were triggering my fire-alarm to sound back then.)

Now another has just acquired a big white ford truck, f150 or 250? NO muffler, he idles it and works on the racing the power of the engine-- these apartments ECHO loudly outside, and in.

I was sooo ill getting up (yesterday 3/6 morning).... they were already doing their sound things and woke me to it. Had a hard time falling asleep, got a few hours, then I tried to take naps this morning.

Seems the instant I fell asleep I was awakened by dream-sound-- a terrible LOUD bang like a gun going off near my head. I jumped soooo bad! (knew instantly that it was a dream-like thing).

Then tonight there was a "news story" of another neighborhood I'd lived in when I first came to this city in 2001. The hoodlums had shot a good man who was pulling that neighborhood back together. Newscasters interviewed some who said they had begun to have some 'hope' there again (but that's what happens to you if you do good?). They shot him for getting in their way. (I wondered if the 'shot' I heard this morning was resonance from the compassion-ethers-- something actually happening but on the other side of the city.... (Just my imagining. I stay brave 'for the kids' in this area. Stand up for being a good role model.)

You here are my closest friends. Since this is a more intimate setting, I want to tell you truthfully that I felt so despondent yesterday and today.... This afternoon I called and got hold of a counseling office, and have an appointment on Monday.... just someone for empathy, support, and some problem solving temporarily. I feel grief at being so stuck in my situ.

(Randall, YOU know I've tried for a YEAR to resolve things-- I HAD to give up. Things are rigged for me in a bad way here--- I caught some workers being 'bad' and they've 'lodged' or wedged me in out so that *they* don't get caught, and I am neutralized. Stupid-me just figured that out for final-real last Fall 2013.)

It's been very hard physically, and others ways. And it's been an opportunity to grow my opportunity to learn astrology on my own, and on using the internet. (Good coming from what appears as bad.)

I've stayed strong through YEARS of this waiting, and through sonic harassments by powerful soundsystems that overwhelm these very small apartments... I am worn out, physically, from their pressure and bullying. I've posted here, and studied at computer with all the diligence I could. Emotionally I keep pulling it back together and keep my intentions on the Higher Road and Calling. But I have to admit to myself now, the utter applied persistence is grown to a weariness. Erosion... it has eroded everything now...

(Ah! Here's a "silent" moment. No beating. No HVAC fan. No old grungy refrig compressor. omg... s t I l l a n d q u I e t.... It's like 'nutrition'... I don't mind sounds. I used to love to go to restaurants in the morning to write for several hours. That background is great. But gnarly old straining compressors. Big deep woofer-abuse. Souped-up mufflers and engines. Smell of car exhaust, chemicals. is a sonic chronic agitation. Right now I have to go take more tielynol, and prepare to sleep a few hours. Then it begins again?

I try my hardest to keep up with everything. But I just can't keep up with my life right now. My perils are just over the top, my head is burning, and I'm falling.

BTW, I got a small extension on financial papers I was working on... Had it maybe 4/5th finished.... but I got too 'detailed-oriented' and it's a mess. At this point, it's like being asked to do one 'last pushup' or one more situp. I just can't--- for today, I admit that I can't do anymore.

BUT, YOU GUYS just cheered me a bit here... THANK YOU so much! "You" have nourished me once more.

My Dear Saint Pearlty's thread is once again hijacked by a mirage.... oh no! Call the ghost-busters.... You are most-blessed, and gracious, my Pearlty! Thanks again for letting me come "mess-up" another of your poetry threads.... Yes! You're made of 'good stuffins'!.....

posted March 07, 2014 10:26 AM            

Have you considered involving the authorities? Or would that pose retaliation from them, thus making it even harder on you? Does your area not impose noise ordinances? Is the land lord not at all concerned that these noise varmints are making other tenants living conditions uncomfortable? Those are just some questions that arose in my mind, and I would imagine you have already explored as well-considering how long you've been dealing with this noise pollution.

Well I hope things simmer down and most importantly quiet down, perhaps if not relocation may be something to look into...if possible?

And no..no..no..you don't mess up my poetry threads-don't ever think like that. Freedom of expression, emotions, and thought entails you to speak about anything whether it's something joyful or something bothersome as you're going through presently. Feel free to write anytime. Also my email should be on my profile here or somewhere? You can write there if you wish as well- I'm not often at my computer anymore but mail goes directly to my phone. If there is anything else I can do, don't hesitate to ask. Also I understand under this less than desirable situation, you may not feel like writing- so no hurry on replying, whenever you feel up to it.

Hope you can at least somewhat enjoy your weekend, take care. And thank you for the kind things said towards me.

posted March 07, 2014 07:05 PM            

Thanks for all you said....

I ACTUALLY had a good solid 7 hours of sleep 'last night'.... and after coffee and one more tielenol the headache was gone! *hallelujah* The 'noise' was relatively 'good' today until two hours ago... So basically, I've "had a good day".... Thankyou for your care and loving.

Answer is Totally-Yes, to all your inquiries and thought-processing in paragraph 2 above. You are on target. (Great Gemmie minds... move with swift courses, arrive quickly at the crux of the problem-- yes, you see it.)

Paragraph 3-- these are the matters of my disconnection problems, right now.

Just want to say that my inner Dorothy is "ready".... I want OUT.

My "best" thoughts towards dealing with these Bullies over the past months is that I KNOW that "some day really really soon" ALL THIS will NOT matter! It will be ancient history to me. I don't want to waste any more levels of my vitality and energy here anymore trying to Deal with it and to Stay. I quit. I NEED Out!

"Paid my dues" here.... I'm walking away with VALUABLE honed skills, my TOTAL discovery of Astrology for my life, and some clarity I've needed regarding my past. I've had successes and nonsuccesses here. Gave it all my BEST try, but I'm ready for OTHER fields. I bless this place now, and I bless my Future, and all the Future acquaintances and Past-Future Friends I will re-unite with for a Good work yet to do. I want to be on my way to a different life.

Just 'biding' my time, and waiting for the proper signal... the jump-off 'safety'-signal. This living place is DEFINITELY "not" the life-turf I want to be embroiled with anymore. I'm CLARIFYING who I am 'vertically' .... This horizontal space is NOT conducive to a healthy "nourishing" life. *I've got places to go, and people to Meet--*

Romans 8:28 --- Everything that has happened to me this far on my journey has 'worked' to refine my character. Now there's other work for me ahead. More improvements, BUT MOST OF ALL applying what and who I am..... Will take all the strength and diligence and Love that I can find within myself to apply.... But good and dear Lord, Let it Be So, according to a Higher Plan. The Universe loves me.... and I declare in all this swirling chaos that 'The lines are falling towards me, towards the way of grace and favor, in fertile pleasant places'... (Psalms

Thank you for your response Pearlty..... for your stout encouragement. I "feel" that projecting strength you have, and I thankyou most deeply and kindly for that.

posted March 09, 2014 10:39 AM            

Such a positive 'movers and shakers' outlook and mindset.

So glad you were able to have some peace and the headaches subsided. Also thanks for the love and hug!
It's most appreciated.