posted June 11, 2014 01:43 AM            

The date was July 10th, of the year 2011. I had just received a promotion at my job, the paper mill which I had been working at since the age of 20, and this was, in my eyes, the single most fulfilling accomplishment of my life, up to this date anyways. I had wanted this promotion and wanted it bad. I had strived to claim it, pushed to have it, and I eventually reached into the pot and made it mine. Here I'll show you how a skinny little guy with a powerful drive got it done.

I had started at this job back on August 19th, 1997 at the entry level position, or at the very bottom of the totem pole, if you will. I had always been a very passionate and driven individual and this was pertaining to all the aspects of my life. My heart bursts full with passion, I mean literally, I feel it within me at each second that passes. I take this and pour it onto everything that I touch with my hands, my mind, and my very existence. Because of the passion, mind is filled with drive, drive that will push me to accomplish everything I set out to accomplish. Over the next 14 years I had given both of these to this mill and I gave it because that is who I am, it defines me and it’s the only way that I know how to be. It was because of this that I quickly climbed the career ladder here and elevated myself to the job promotion of a lifetime.

I am a 9th grade high school dropout and I have never gone and gotten a GED, nor do I have any other type of a classroom education. However, things are not always as they seem. It was near or around the end of 2008 when I had anticipated an opening managerial position coming available and I wanted it. Why I wanted it? Honestly, I wanted it so that I could say that I had it, so that I could show the entire world that anything is attainable for anyone. I then started too self-educated myself, I did this right here, at my computer desk, using both my PC, and my iPhone. I started to just feed my brain every morsel of knowledge I could get my hungry hands on. I did this through the internet and the internet alone. I started with my literature, grammar, and punctuation. I knew that in a managerial level position, these would be extremely vital for my chances to acquire one. I went and purchased Microsoft Office and then spent countless hours learning it. Word, Excel, and PowerPoint were the center of my focus, and I learned these by creating mock documents and spreadsheets. I had started this back in 2008, with a goal in mind. That goal, at least I had thought, was the supervisory position that I craved so bad, however, even after I had been promoted to that position, I never stopped educating myself and still haven’t stopped to this very day.

Through sheer drive alone, I had acquired a career level that many would deem impossible for someone with my uneducated past. I took my first steps at this new position with extreme pride and passion filling my heart. I set out to be the very best at it, this I did because I just have to be the best, not just at this career, but at everything I am committed too. However, this trait of mine ended up not being liked very well throughout the mill, especially within the managerial staff and my fellow supervisors.
My intuition has always been keen and accurate, which hurt my standings too because I was almost always right. I had become a threat to everyone, and in no time, I was being singled out by them. Lies were quickly floating around the mill about me, all of them not even close to being accurate. I started to not be very well liked because my drive, my ambition, and my constantly telling people they were wrong and then proving them wrong by being right. This would eventually spread right up to upper management.
By the end of 2011 I had been placed on the midnight shift, I was selected to be the ‘fill in’ for the many weeks of vacation the other supervisors had to take. This would eventually lead to the complete collapse of my children and I’s personal lives and be the bane of this entire mill.
Over the next 2 and ½ years I would continue to give them everything, I have only two gears: stop and supersonic, that I had to give. I placed my personal life on hold to answer the call of my mill, which I was at first eager to do. The first year wasn’t bad, however, I could tell that this type of schedule I worked, I would work up to 25 days straight without a day off and then go home and try to be both the father and mother that my children needed, wasn’t going to work out for very long and I let this be known. I would easily go long stretches without sleep, this lasting up to as many as 5 straight days.
At the end of the second year, around December of 2013, I was exhausted from this schedule. I had asked for help to the higher ups but was completely denied it. On the contrary, they started to belittle me, to start threatening to fire me because I wasn’t performing up to par.
In between June 13th of 2013 to August 10th of 2013 I had worked all midnight shifts and had one day off in that stretch. During this time I was sleep deprived, malnourished, and I had consumed massive amounts of caffeine and energy drinks in an effort to keep me moving, I had to keep moving. Yet I was being told that I wasn’t performing up to par and that my job was on the line. They started to pound this into my mind, each time I would see my boss this was the discussion. I was scared of losing my job, scared for my children, and scared of how I would support them if I lost it. I love my children so much and I had to keep pushing harder and harder, which I did.

It was in February, I believe, that a single thought had popped into my mind. Its origin was clueless to me and continues to be to this day. I know that my mind hadn’t, nor wouldn’t ever had, thought of something so fictional, fake, and irrelevant. However, here it was and try as I might it wasn’t leaving. I looked into it, the thought, and within it I had found something that I knew no one else had ever known about me. It was this “something” that caused me to always be unsure about myself, to always doubt myself, and to always be afraid of the judgment that others might place on me, because of this characteristic of mine. Yet, as I looked at my astrological psychological profile horoscope it was telling me that which only I knew. This had ambushed me, it caught me completely defenseless, and entirely unprepared for it.
Though there I was, face to face with the very thing I had always hid, heck I had never in my life thought to just face it head on, but now I was staring it straight in the eyes and there was only one thing I could do.
I had too, for the very first time in my entire life, face my demon, my bane, and my own heart. My intuition screamed at me what needed to be done and I obeyed it, for the first time in my existence I stood toe to toe with my biggest fear and confronted it. However, this time it would get no resistance, this time there would be no battle, because this time I opened my mind up and I allowed it in. I allowed it, with all guards down, to enter me, consume me, and engulf me entirely. I knew that if I were to ever control this beast, well, then I would first have to let the beast control me. Once the beast controlled me, then I could learn how it works and control it. I opened my heart and allowed the backed up emotion, all 37 years’ worth, to come gushing out, like an emotional tidal wave, and to flood my entire being.
I had gained a fascination with astrology then. I mean how can something that you’ve never known or looked at know so much about me? I had never told a soul about my inner turmoil, yet it knew and that was just interesting.
I had read, studied, and learned all the information that I could fine about myself, rather what I had read within the text of my psychological profile, through the internet. I googled everything I could find about the characteristics of a Pisces Moon (Pisces Moon in your birth natal chart). I also searched for everything I could find regarding psychic empathic abilities and how to control emotional sensitivity, my profile told me I would have this ability. I took everything I found and crammed it all in my mind, each and every word. I spent all my waking second running it all through my thoughts, dissecting it, researching it, and learning every aspect in it. Then, once I felt I understood it, I started to apply it to my life, I started to follow the advice that was given through all the knowledge I had learned. I then quickly started to see the results, though it was surreal, it just made me believe that much more.
I had started to be able to discern the emotions that were mine, from those that were other peoples. Next I learned how to ground myself to the earth. This meaning that I stayed connected with her at all times and used the energy that fills her to keep myself fully charged. This, once I felt it for the first time, was absolutely awesome.

Then, around the last week of March, roughly the 25th, something unexplainable occurred. What happened to me here was unreal, unbelievable, and absolutely the most unknown happening that has ever happened to me in my lifetime, or at least up to this point in it.
On this day something peculiar had happened, rather it started. It would then continue for the next 7 days continuously. My every nerve cell within my skin, started to change. It was during this time that all of my nerve cells in my entire body tingled. They tingled just like the shivers you get when you get the goose bumps. I could feel myself changing. It was like my body, my soul, and my heart was being cleansed of all the old emotions, the old way of thinking, and the old me. Once it ran its course, when my purification had ended, I knew that I was different now. I had completely gone through a complex psychological transformation and I knew it because I could feel it. The battlefield that had always been the war of mind and heart was now gone, with not a single shred of evidence found that it had even existed. Inside me now was peace, acceptance, happiness, confidence, and it all was reaffirmed by the combining of my heart and my mind. What had always been rivals, were now sync’d together into a formidable pair, actually, they were now one.
On April 14th I had purchased my yearly horoscope from http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/re.../www.astro.com, everything else I had learned in astrology was spot on accurate so I figured why not. I purchased it that morning and started to read into it. I didn’t get but a paragraph into it and, yet again, I was knocked back on my heels again.

This is what it had said:

Because your world is, to a large extent, an intangible one, rooted in feeling and imagination and a sense of life's unity, the mysterious energies and processes at work within you over the next year are likely to be understood and welcomed rather than feared. This does not mean that you will not experience difficult challenges, and perhaps also some unhappiness or disillusionment. But the loosening of personal boundaries which underpins your development during this time is something with which you have the resources to cope, because of your essential openness to the invisible currents of life. Beneath the surface of external events and emotional ups and downs is a subtle awakening of the imagination and the heart. This may require a breaking down of old structures and attitudes, as well as a willingness to place your faith in what you cannot see. You cannot afford to dispense with common sense, but don't dispense with your belief in the magic of life. As long as you can avoid identifying with either the victim or the redeemer, you are likely to experience a deep inner confirmation of your fundamental belief that you are part of a greater whole. You may be affirmed in your sense that reality is far more complex and multi-layered than the material world in which you live.

On the night of April 4th, a Friday night, I was getting ready for work. I remember getting out of the shower, it was around 8:30 PM at night, and I dried myself off. Then I had gotten dressed and turned my attention to the sink, with intentions to apply my deodorant.
However, as soon as I looked at the mirror I stopped everything I was doing and stared in it. As I stared in it, I just knew that the person whom looked back at me wasn’t really me. I mean, it was me but it wasn’t me either.
For the first time I finally looked at myself and seen what had become of me. The man in the mirror was pale white, his eyes were sunk deep into his sockets, big black patches hung from his eyes, and this man I looked at was very near death. I stared at this sickly man in the mirror for a moment and let it sink in. I knew it was me, yet I hadn’t realized the extent of what had become of me.
Then as tears brewed just below my eyes, I knew then, at that moment of discovery, just what toll my job over the past 3 years had done to me. I knew then, the truth was so obvious, that I had given more then I should have ever given and I was near to giving them my very life.
I started to cry, I cried so hard that I had to turn the shower back on to hide my sobs from my children. I bawled my eyes out for around 10 minutes before collecting myself and my thoughts before finishing my preparation for work.
I had ran this through my mind repeatedly up until I had to leave for work, with my tears always so close to erupting. I seen it then, everything I had sacrificed for this job. I seen all that I had done, with the passion of my heart, to help this place strive, to flourish, and to excel.
The feeling of betrayal quickly followed the tears and along with it came the feeling of distrust, and then right behind that was the feeling of acceptance.
I knew then that I could live the remainder of my life in the forest, with a cardboard box as a home, and be happier than this. I would be happier than this in any situation that would befall me and I knew it.

I made my way to work that night and sat in the parking lot for a few minutes. While I sat there I could easily recognize that my entire viewpoint of the place had changed and it wasn’t for the better, quite the contrary actually. I exited my car and made my way to the mill, which I entered on the west side, and entered in the door that leads into the #9 boiler room.
The moment I entered into the building I knew instantly that I shouldn’t be there, not at all. My skin trembled with goose bumps in there, my every hair on my body stood straight up, and I could feel the negativity in the very air.
This had been the first time I had been in this place in nearly two weeks, I had been on vacation, and I was not the same person I was when I had left here those 2 short weeks ago, I noticed that the moment I entered the mill.
I felt it all around me, it was in the very air and it engulfed me. I felt it’s as surely as one feels the Sun kissing his skin. I felt all the backstabbing, cut throating, and lying, which ran deep in there, in the air. It was so thick and so negative that I knew I shouldn’t be there because just being there alone, within this cloud of negative energy, was killing me. It was draining my very life from me and I felt it and knew it. I entered that place, made it roughly 5 steps inside, and I knew, beyond the question of a doubt, that my time here was over.
That same night I put in my notice of resignation to the superintendent. I had no income to fall back on, nor had I even glanced at any other jobs, so I decided that I'd give a good notice to them. One which would allow me time to figure a job situation out, but I also did it in an effort to part under good terms, which was a futile attempt.
On April 9th, just 5 days after giving my notice, I had an interview with two members of upper management, which had been held in one of the manager’s office. I entered into his office and sat down. I examined the situation and room, then I knew it for what it was, I was not going to be taken seriously, though I played it out.
One of the individuals immediately asked me if I were serious, I had been working with these guys for 17 years and knew the change in voice, nervous expressions, and I could feel the very emotion they were discharging in the air, however, I stayed silent and stated yes I was.
Then he told me that: company policy did not allow or accept a two month notice. He stated that a two week notice was sufficient and then he explained to me that they would just pay me for my last two weeks, which was the length of my notice. He said that if I wanted to quit then I had quit now and the previous night’s shift would be my final night.
Over the past year I had practically begged for a break, for just a little help with this wicked and unhealthy schedule that I was forced to endure.
The last words I spoke were this question again; I asked them for the countless time why I couldn't get help covering all these midnight shifts? Then, after waiting a few minutes, I knew that their answer to the question was no answer at all, not even a mumble.
I seen their bullying and scare tactic for what it was. These guys actually thought that I would start begging to return. Beg them to please let me come back. That never came though, not a chance, because I stood up, left the office, and walked right out the door.
The Greif era of my life had come to its conclusion and I knew it. I accepted it quickly and left the mill for my very last time. Inside me was no fear for my future either because I knew that something bigger was coming. My intuition just told me it was and that my children and I were going to be just fine and that was ok with me.
Again the horoscope I had bought had aligned with even this, I mean extremely accurate with it. I was fascinated with how accurate it had hit my life through the first parts of this year. It had told me that I would probably have to sacrifice something.

This is what it told me:

During this time certain cherished dreams or ideals may be challenged by apparently unfair circumstances or events. The sacrifice of something important, even if voluntary, may make you feel resigned and even a little sorry for yourself. At the moment you may feel as though life is conspiring to spoil some of your finest hopes, and you may experience some disillusionment, not only with others, but also with yourself. You may have to learn some hard lessons about the gap between fantasy and reality, and possibly about your own secret naivety in terms of certain assumptions you may have carried about life. But if you can take the events and feelings of this time in a reflective spirit, rather than simply feeling enraged, resentful, or martyred, you may gain an enormous amount of strength and insight which can help you to deal with life in more realistic ways. Some distress or confusion around material security and stability is possible. You may have to relinquish something or someone unwillingly. But it is more likely that the real sacrifice involves giving up an old set of attitudes and assumptions. If a relationship comes to an end, it may be that, apart from any natural grief or pain you experience, you have also been misled by certain unconscious fantasies or expectations which could never have come true in reality anyway.
During this time you may need to accept gracefully what you cannot change, and adapt your dreams to accommodate the limits of human nature. Although this may prove a painful process, it does not mean that you have to abandon your ideals, or become bitter and cynical. Don't try to escape into exalted mysticism, or into substances such as drugs or alcohol, in the hope of avoiding what you do not wish to face. This would probably leave you feeling worse afterward. Try to understand the child within yourself, which has always secretly sought perfect love and harmony in a perfect world. Such innate idealism is neither wrong nor unhealthy. But you may be trying to find redemption through ordinary people who will, sooner or later, inevitably let you down. Perhaps you have expected far too much from yourself. Or perhaps you have secretly hoped that life would take care of you, without your having to soil your hands with too much mundane dreariness. These are not failings, but eminently human -albeit doomed - aspirations. You could emerge from this period with greater compassion for your own and others' human fallibility. You could also develop a more detached and philosophical attitude toward life's imperfections. What is critical right now is not your circumstances, but your responses. These could make the difference between a sense of profound healing, and a feeling of bitter martyrdom. Powerful emotions do not usually threaten you, because you are deeply attuned to the feeling life of others and able to face your own emotions without escaping into defensive fantasies. But endings, even if you know intuitively that they will be followed by new beginnings, may frighten you, because of your fundamental dislike of being alone. The strong emotional currents which may sometimes buffet you during the next year may require endings on some level, inner or outer, or, at the least, an honest confrontation with the separate reality of others. Try not to feel victimized, sorry for yourself, or tempted to use emotional manipulation to keep others close to you. Whatever passes from your life over the next twelve months, try to let go gracefully. You are probably no stranger to the darker side of human nature, and can usually find the compassion necessary to forgive others as well as yourself. Because of this gift of insight and empathy, you are in a better position than many people might be to get the best from this time of change and deep transformation. It is likely to leave you stronger, wiser and better able to cope with the fundamental human state of aloneness than you have ever been before. And a renewed sense of life's mystery and complexity may enrich all your future dealings with others.

I sit here now, bringing my recollections of the many years I had spent in that mill, which was 16 years, 7 months, and 20 days to be precise, and as I drift through the memories from this time, I see it for the truth it is now.
The truth is that it, that mill, had always been a bad place to work and this is putting it lightly. I can think back to my first days there and even then, it just wasn't good, but there was a reason to why.
The biggest reason it wasn’t a good place to work was because of its manager or the mill manager. This gentleman was extremely hard to work for. This was because he ruled using fear, meaning he would constantly be threatening people’s jobs and doing it out in the open for all to see. He would use fear to motivate his employee’s, too align them in the direction he felt they should be going.
The hourly workers were always treated extremely poorly, and a lot of times fired, for really no reason. Often times for no more reason then because the manager hadn't liked them.
This mill had been draped in a curtain of pure fear for many years and that just isn’t good.
Looking back now, I should have foreseen this, I mean all the signs were there and evident, though I hadn’t the right mind to look.
For example, over the past year, when I would go around this gentleman, my heart would start racing, my emotions would go haywire, and every sense in my body would start to tingle, however, I had always just assumed it was my nervousness.
As I looked back now on it, I was wrong and it wasn't me that was causing it, it was him. This man was just not a good person and I say that lightly. He had brought so much bad to so many people in his life, he had filled his soul with so much negative karmic energy, that his soul was stained from it. The very earth herself had cursed this man for all the undeserved torment he had brought onto so many people throughout his career and I know that the earth herself has marked him for it. And now all the bad karma that he accumulated through all those years of greed, deceit, betrayal, and all the other negativity he brought onto others, is expected to be paid back.
*
About a week after I had left the mill, for the very last time, is when the corporate offices called me. I was surprised at first because I hadn’t expected it.
The gentleman on the phone, whom I had never met before, said he was a regional human resource manager, however, he was not the one assigned to our region. The initial conversation was short and he had asked to buy me dinner, over which he wished to talk about the circumstances of my resigning. I had thought it a good idea and agreed to it. We scheduled a meeting at a restaurant in Massillon just two days later.
There were definitely a lot of circumstances to why I had resigned, however, I doubted that the corporate offices had known them all, but I did.
Since I had started there, those many years ago, the manager had always been taking the company money and using it for his own personal life. I am not talking $5 here or $A10 dollars there either. We are talking hundreds of thousands, even millions of company dollars taken. I knew this were true, heck everyone had, they didn’t even try to hide half of it. Plus what they did try to cover up, they hadn’t been very good at doing it. The majority of the mill knew it was going on but no one ever really stood up and said something.
Though I don’t see what saying anything would have accomplished anyways, since it was the top manager whom was behind it.

A day or two after I had left, I had mentioned to an ex work colleague that I was going to write an email, send it to the corporate offices, and expose it all for what it was.
To be honest, this was just ranting and I’d never had done it. However, this had somehow got back to the mill manager and he was deathly afraid that I was going to do such a thing. He was so afraid I might that contact ended up being made with me, from him, and an offer was proposed to me. The offer was a complete letter of recommendation to any place that I chose to work.
I had accepted this because shortly after my resigning, I had made me out a resume and placed it on http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/re...ww.monster.com. Then, within just hours of it being on there I had a Mill contact me and showing a lot of interest in me. I knew that his letter would significantly assist me with getting any position I wanted.
The bribe was sent out and accepted, though I hadn’t really considered it a bribe. On the contrary I was just looking to secure my children and I’s future by finding employment.

The day of my dinner meeting had arrived and I made my way to the designated meeting point. Earlier in the day I had written out an 8 page statement, this was based on “some” of the circumstances that surrounded my resignation. I had done this in case there was anything that I felt needed said and then forgot to say.
I had made it to the chosen diner early, 25 minutes to be exact, so I entered the establishment and got seated. I requested a secluded table because I was meeting a business college, to discuss business matters.
They seated me in a conjoining room, off from the main dining area, where I took a seat then checked the time on my phone, it was 20 minutes till meet time.
I closed my eyes for a few minutes, I had read that meditation was a good way to calm the mind and had started to apply it within mine, which I quickly found was very true. I gathered my thoughts for a few minutes, calmed my mind down, and eased my emotions to a subtle level. This brought me into a refreshing state of worriless confidence.
I had never met this gentleman before and new not what he looked like. However, I kept a watchful eye on the door leading into the little detached room I was seated in.
A gentleman eventually entered through the door, however, this man I had met before and it caused me to jump up out of my seat. The gentleman that entered was one of the corporate “big wigs” and I had actually spoken with him before.
This had shocked me because I hadn’t expected it. I expected just one individual to come alone, not one of the company heads. The gentleman I had spoken with on the phone was there as well, along with another lady.
We sat down and ordered our meals, then started conversing about the reasons for my resignation. We spoke at length about it and I handed them the written summaries which I had prepared earlier in the day. That’s when, out of know where, they had asked me if that was the letter that I had threatened the mill manager with!
I froze once I had heard the question. They knew about what had transpired between me and him. They also knew about the bribe. My first reply was to ask how they had known. They said that a concerned individual had called them and informed them of the situation.
I cannot lie, I have never been able to really, not for anything. Especially when it involves the law being broken or others being affected. Usually, you are going to get the truth from me if you like it or not and I won't sugarcoat it either.
I had told them, eventually, everything I knew and about the bribe.
The craziest thing happened during this meeting too. As I was sitting there speaking to them, my phone vibrates, which it usually means an incoming email. I hadn't looked at it until after our dinner but it was from mill manager and he had sent me the letter of recommendation, which then finished the bribe for my silence.
However, I hadn’t gave it to them right away, it took a couple days before I could and even then it was extremely hard for me too.
After all that I had been through over those past few years, even after all the torment this man brought onto my children and I. After those cruel hours I put in, which had so severely affected my health and had me on the brink of death. It still broke my heart when I did finally hand it over, which I did, 4 days later. It had bothered me too, because I made an arraignment with that man and even after it all, I had to do what I had told him I wouldn’t and because of that, I knew he was going to lose his job.

On the fourth day after this meeting, which was the day after I had gave them the letter, I was sitting at my computer desk, browsing the net.
I was sitting there and out of know where I become overwhelmed with emotions. I was so overwhelmed, so engulfed by them that I immediately started to cry, sob even. Then as I laid there on my bedroom floor, engulfed in some of the most powerful emotions that I had ever felt, the earth showed me something and then I knew whose emotions they were.
He was sitting in a chair, his elbows were on his knees, and his face was buried into his hands. It was him and I could see him like I was standing right in front of him.
His tears were flowing, actually, they were gushing out of his eyes. Within him was a storm of emotional mayhem and it had backed up so far and for so long, and the dam had gave way, everything was gushing out.
I believe that, for the first time in this man’s life, he cried the tears of compassion, the tears for someone else’s pain. Inside him I felt sorrow, regret, and failure. The tears he cried were for failing his father.
The earth had shown me this too let me see that everyman has compassion, I have a strong feeling that’s why, but unfortunately, some of them must learn certain lessons before they will give it.

Since this had occurred my life has taken off and I mean it is soaring. The phone calls started coming in from a bunch of different mills from around the country.
There were three, however, that had shown the biggest interest in me. From April 29th to May 29th I had interviews with all three of them.
I traveled the country like I had never done before. Seen area’s that I had never seen before. During this month I had the adventure of a life time. I met knew people, visited new areas, and found a new life in Alabama.
I recall the day I left my old for the very last time, quite keenly actually. As I walked out that door, I walked out with confidence because I knew there was something bigger out there for me and that my time in this mill had come to its conclusion.
I was offered a job on June 5th as the shift coach in the Georgia/Pacific Mill that’s located in Pennington Alabama. Upon entering into this work contract, I’ll be making $24,000 more a year then what I had left.
Yet, the funny thing is, this isn’t it and I know it. There is something far bigger than this waiting for me yet and I know it.

posted June 18, 2014 11:41 PM            

Last night, due to a horoscope I read, I filled out an application to an acting/modeling agency. Then today I was called by them and they showed some very big interest in me. Actually, they showed so much, that I have an audition tomorrow at 3:30 PM.

I sit here now and my intuition is screaming at me. It is telling me that this is my path, this is my purpose. It is screaming to me that I need to follow this and stay on it. I have nothing but passion in me and I will gain whatever I put my mind too. I will cross deserts, climb mountains, and bust through any other obstical that stands in my way. This is who I am, this defines me.

Our world is changing, it's changing big time. For some reason I am a big player in this change and I know it. I need the fame to accomplish what is expected of me, so this is the direction I must take.

Hollywood here I come!

posted June 20, 2014 02:24 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Brobian:
I am honestly unsure what to think anymore. I started to follow my intuition, to trust in it fully and, well, it has been absolutely fascinating. A week ago I turned down a job that paid over 100,000 a year because I just knew it wasn't the road I was suppose to take. Not at all, there was something far bigger out there for me.

Last night, due to a horoscope I read, I filled out an application to an acting/modeling agency. Then today I was called by them and they showed some very big interest in me. Actually, they showed so much, that I have an audition tomorrow at 3:30 PM.

I sit here now and my intuition is screaming at me. It is telling me that this is my path, this is my purpose. It is screaming to me that I need to follow this and stay on it. I have nothing but passion in me and I will gain whatever I put my mind too. I will cross deserts, climb mountains, and bust through any other obstical that stands in my way. This is who I am, this defines me.

Our world is changing, it's changing big time. For some reason I am a big player in this change and I know it. I need the fame to accomplish what is expected of me, so this is the direction I must take.

Hollywood here I come!

---

posted July 08, 2014 11:02 PM            

...

I pray that you are given the "full chance" needed, and the leniency, to do whatever it is your Heart desires. May you attract clean scrupled advisors and counselors~~ May you DETECT every offer that would lead to your being swindled of your good fortune, and remain steadfast and sensitive if you are lead astray. May Heaven's Angels actively guard you on your Pathways... May you find True fulfillment. May you find yourself lovingly supported by stout-hearted worthy loyal true Friends who shield you when the winds of adversity blow.. May you stay free from harm. May you find Rest along your Way. May your Vision remain absolutely crystal Clear. May Spirit enlighten and infuse you with Strength in and from the Core of your being. May Favor, Mercy, and Grace surround, abound and cover you.

I feel incredibly touched. So much hardship and pain. This turn of events is an exciting omen, and truly inspiring!...