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Author
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Topic: Chiron
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florence
Knowflake Posts: 1006
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted July 31, 2015 08:03 AM
  
These are unfinished. Started off as prose but I didn't know what to do with so chopped them up into slightly awkward poemsChiron 1 He turned her inside out,
the suede recorded
every touch
shadows learnt temperance
The light dispersed. removed threads
where they had become frayed
and did so brutally
so strands recoiled
with iconoclastic terror. Then he made a rose,
the confused and
The struggling refrains
into melodies and cord.
Tragedies severed from their protagonist. suturing, diminutive in prayer
Was persuaded into ambivalence
And it was too late
to be resolute
by the time he prised himself under. The outside collapsed inside,
the shape rescinded.
Suede within and out
Every touch imparts a wisdom.
So wise but so stupid. Chiron 2 He'd held a brick and maybe had threatened to throw it at her. She'd never thought of it since but now, when she thought about pain, this childhood stranger replied with his image. It wasn't fear as such
The memory was smudged
an exchange forgotten.
A kitsch souvenir in place of more profound experience
was left in her psyche. Or maybe he had been the devil.
The devil got around a lot those days
in the road her window overlooked,
the sounds of people close enough but too far away,
the way she rocked her chair on it's back legs, feet rested on her desk.
The way she rocked so far back IP: Logged |
Pearlty
Moderator Posts: 1064
From: Ohio
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted July 31, 2015 05:50 PM
Intriguing complex thoughts, makes one want to keep reading to know the rest and the conclusion. Thanks for sharing Florence. IP: Logged |
florence
Knowflake Posts: 1006
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted July 31, 2015 06:10 PM
Thank you  IP: Logged |
Ayelet
Knowflake Posts: 1012
From:
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted July 31, 2015 08:54 PM
Very interesting, provoking thoughts and emotion as its story-line unfolds.  IP: Logged |
florence
Knowflake Posts: 1006
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted August 03, 2015 05:31 AM
Thanks so much. This is the first I've written in a while so i appreciate the feedback a lot.IP: Logged |
mirage29
Knowflake Posts: 3966
From: us
Registered: May 2012
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posted August 14, 2015 08:52 PM
LL-YW Florence, poem: Chiron (posted 7/31/2015)Suede....
"Then he made a rose..."
"The struggling refrains, into melodies and chord?"
"Tragedies severed from their protagonist."
. . . .
So wise but so stupid.... ugh, I get it.  Both poems. Loved the imagery of rocking back on legs of chair. You captured experience with Chiron, Florence.  Loved it! IP: Logged |
LF DX
Knowflake Posts: 69
From: Paraguay
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted August 17, 2015 04:31 PM
Both poems are very impressive, complex and powerful.IP: Logged |
florence
Knowflake Posts: 1006
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted August 22, 2015 09:06 AM
Thank you both. That means a lot to me. LFDX I've enjoyed your writing too but ive not got properly involved in this forum to comment so far. But to get feedback from good and imaginative poets as here is very encouraging for me. Mirage you made me remember the meanings myself from when I wrote. Thank you for reading & so glad it communicated something - I believe you must have experienced similar to *get it*. IP: Logged |
mirage29
Knowflake Posts: 3966
From: us
Registered: May 2012
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posted August 22, 2015 07:38 PM
IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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