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Author Topic:   So, I've decided to take up a Novel..constructive criticism?
whitewitch111
Knowflake

Posts: 3200
From: Hillsboro, OR, USA
Registered: Jan 2013

posted January 20, 2016 12:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for whitewitch111     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The Mad Prophetess

Prologue

I smell you in the rain, my great God Husband. It has done nothing but rain since this city was burnt to the ground. This great city...
I know you still think of me, you are not a cruel God, not like you wish to think. You are merely easily offended.

I gather sticks for the fire.
I am still beautiful, not as beautiful as she, never, not your black-hearted sister who killed my beautiful City.

The light shines down faintly, thou art at least a comfort to me on that. And indeed, I do not think even with your gifts of prophesy you saw it, or at least chose not to.
And though I age, I am still beautiful, still your favorite!
For of all your women, was I not the most loved and most devoted? More then all thy Delphic Priestesses, and whorish singers and dancers?

I can hear the storms brewing again, you can hear my thoughts, so I must be careful. Though you would not dare kill me. You have demonstrated this at more awful words spoken with my voice.
Don't you remember when I screamed to the sky my hatred of you, and I was struck with scabies? Though, they quickly passed on.

Ah, now I feel the harsh breath of the wind, and the rain has taken to a sharp chill. Forgive me my Lord. But was it you? You, my love, who burned this city, my home? Simply for refusing your advances lest you make me your wife?
No, no my Lord, the fault was all of us. The mortals as mindless pawns, and The Gods given easily to consequential pleasures. And I think of you, my lover, my maker, my destroyer.
I wrap the cloak tighter 'bout me, and walk myself with antiquity, befitting to a Trojan Princess.
I wear no shoes, I've no need of them, the rain isn't always cold, and is subject to change at my will, or rather yours, anyway.
I played you a dirty trick my love, one that hurt you too much to even say, and I am always regretful.
For this you bless me the sun, it shines now through the clouds warm and inviting,
I let the cloak slip down a bit, the rain subsides. It rarely does, save when you think of me fondly, or I you.

I can feel my dark brown curls dry almost instantly.

I close my eyes to breathe you in, my God-Husband. That which you are in all but name and title.

I turn back home with the faggots beneath my arm.
my sanctuary, my prison, my citadel. The only structure spared from the wrath of man and God.


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whitewitch111
Knowflake

Posts: 3200
From: Hillsboro, OR, USA
Registered: Jan 2013

posted January 20, 2016 01:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for whitewitch111     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The fire warms me, and I am bathed. You still send the hot rich water, always.
I let slip the royal blue robe, reserved only for a Princess of Troy, down to my bare and pale shoulders. You're watching me with lust my love, I can feel it. Maybe you shall return tonight? But doubtful...Though I can feel your longing.

"They should know," my soul says to you.

Almost immiately a coal still aflame lands at my feet, and just as quickly it is extinguished. So you permit me this my love. Finally, you do. Many nights I have wished it from you, and now you grant it.
My thanks given, as I lift my head to begin.

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whitewitch111
Knowflake

Posts: 3200
From: Hillsboro, OR, USA
Registered: Jan 2013

posted January 20, 2016 02:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for whitewitch111     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Book 1

The Curse of the House of Atreus

Part 1
The ages of man
Chapter 1

The Age the Virgin

It has been said that man has lived through 6 ages.
Though, the Aegians have been said to be the youngest of the tribes of human creation.

The first age was that of the Virgin. Nothing lived then, nothing but Gaia the Mother Earth, and Uranus, Lord of the heavens.
For long they had admired each other. It is said that Uranus's eyes, the many stars of the night sky, looked down upon her once, and all of them almost fell to her. He took her as his bride. And for many, many years, they lay together.
It soon came to be that from her womb were born six sons and six daughters; the Titans and the Titanesses.
She first brought forth Mnemosyne, who would later be created a Goddess, for only she holds the divine memory of the world as a whole. The second was a son, named Crius, who was a rather dull one, and is not spoken of so much.
After the birth of these two had passed individually, Gaia began to birth in pairs, each pair a male and a female.
Came first of the twins, was Oceanus and Tethys. Their domain was the waters, and they flowed together eternally, as Tethys was the sweet goddess of the rivers, and Oceanus the mighty God of the sea.
Next came the two of great intellect, Hyperion and Theia. Through their love based on the properties of the mind, came three beautiful children. Helios their strong son was the radiant one we call Sol. Their elder daughter, the fair and illustrious Selene was the moon, and their youngest was the joyful, giggling Eos, she who brings the Dawn.
Came next the two gentle creators; Coeus and Pheobe, who brought forth Leto, the Mother of my Celestial lover.


After some time had passed, Gaia birthed again individually a son; his name being Iapetus, the father of mankind. Soon after him, the great Mother Goddess birthed a daughter, who was christened Themis; the Goddess of divine law and order. She vowed chastity, but aided her brother in the governing of his creations.

And after some time, came The youngest children of the Great God of the Sky.

The two were born closely connected, unable to part, and it is said that there was an air about them of battle. These were Cronus and Rhea, who would later sire the oldest of the Olympian Gods.

Now Uranus and Gaia looked upon all of their children and smiled.

But Uranus noticed something of his youngest son. He was the strongest, and too he was his Mother's favorite.
It enraged Uranus, but this he kept contained for her, his beautiful Gaia.

For even now, there was a new age about to approach. And Uranus was careful to not go against the laws of the Universe


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Pearlty
Moderator

Posts: 1276
From: Ohio
Registered: Jan 2012

posted January 21, 2016 09:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Pearlty     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

Hi Whitewhitch,
your prologue builds a curiousity to wonder what is coming up and certainly entices.

Book one so far- from what I grasp shows as the author you're bringing together studies that have interested you, and it shows enthusiasm. As well the context melds with passion, sensuality, a longing-yearning...the begining of an intriguing story.

Keep on keeping on...

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Pearlty
Moderator

Posts: 1276
From: Ohio
Registered: Jan 2012

posted February 07, 2016 08:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Pearlty     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

How is the novel coming along?

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